by daniella 32 Replies latest social relationships
This guy is a dishonest, manipulative, abusive jerk! He says he wants to come back to the WT, but he wants to be able to screw around a bit too. Dont you realize that what he's driving at with the whole "submissive" mantra is YOU bing completely submissive to HIM? He's the guy, he's in charge, that's God's way.
If you need drama in your life, get a job in the theater instead.
From what you say, this guy sounds like REAL BAD NEWS. From your description, he presents a textbook case of a manipulative, abusive sociopath. It seems that he is not looking for a partner,he's looking for a puppet and a slave. I know that it might sound difficult, but the best thing - the only thing - that you should do is to forget about him. It will take time, perhaps sveral months, but it is possible. I know it's a cliche, but time heals most wounds. You seem to be a sincere and well-educated lady. No doubt you have so much to offer a man who will truly love you for who you are. Believe me, your life with this guy will be absolute misery and suffering.
You are right and he is wrong, period! You would have ended up a battered wife. He was showing all of the signs of a future wife beater. Next time, when you start feeling guilty or confused and don't know why, GET OUT FAST! It's them not you. Avoid anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. True friends love you and make you feel good. Poisonous ones don't.
Thank you very much, to all of you. I know I'm being stupid to feel sad about this, and on an intellectual level I know it's only a good thing that I have been put out of my misery as far as this relationship goes, but I'm hurting right now. I know that time heals all things, and if I could recover from losing my mom, this will seem like a piece of cake down the road. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that he would mock me to his friend like that. I don't understand it. And this didn't take place while we were fighting, this happened while he was professing to love me. I could get over badmouthing me while he was pissed off at me, but for this I just feel punched in the stomach. Even thinking about it right now, I feel breathless. It's just very embarassing. To clear my head so I can get some work done, I've made a T-chart and thought of the positives and the negatives of the relationship. Any positives that I wrote down are all on a very superficial level, like a fun date or something like that. And then when I focused on those individual dates, I could think of something that happened on all of them that kind of took the joy away from the moment, like him getting mad at me for looking at a picture of the waiter's kids (he accused me of being "overly friendly") and him blatantly checking out another woman to "teach me a lesson" so I would know how he felt.
Also, for the past month or so, he has really been ranting about "typical American bitches." He said American women are too aggressive and want to dominate men. He also said they're all fat. When I reminded him that I am an American woman, he told me I was different and also that I could pass for foreign because I have dark hair and eyes. And the sick thing was, I felt placated at the time. I even found a quote online on a celebrity gossip site that he wrote about Heather Mills (the woman who divorced Paul McCartney) saying that "American women suck, and men should wise up and marry a foreign woman" and he posted a website called nomarriage.com which trashes and stereotypes all women, basically. He actually sent me the link to his quote because he was proud of it! When I mentioned to him that Heather Mills is British, not American, he just replied, "Whatever, they're all the same."
Sorry to keep on with my own personal rant, but the more I think about it, the more I am remembering. I'm very angry at myself for being so depressed about it. It just hurts, but I know I'll get over it.
Most JW men are disrespectful of women.
Your ex-bf is emotionally abusive.
Finish your degree and move on - with pride. Really. He is not worth it.
It's weird, but I kept looking at the date of your post because I swear I heard an extremely similar story here not too long ago. Girl out of town flying home (always with her money) to visit the psychotic bf who is trying to control her.
Your story is not at all unique. But you really should find a way to move on from him.
The Phillipino woman?? Oh!!! I don't want to even start on that topic...
-Aude.
Basically Daniella, your friend has lots of 'mobile issues' which you already feel the negative cycles of!
If love is conquering negative cycles betwixt two humans, both feel caught up in the positive 'vibe'.
Always remember this as a reality check!
Often in life it's all you have to measure the windspeed of love!
I wasnt aware of this and ended in a marriage with children I couldn't desert through divorce!
So know that circumstances between two adults whom nature intends for each other are never about who is gorgeous and who is not, but about the uplifting of your inner self and theirs when you are around each other and also apart!
IMHO your partner is still negatively held prisoner by pockets of religion which prevent him seeing the above and so he is looking anywhere he can for escape or release - effectively floundering but on a path which may take years to even out. He may not know himself deep down inside, without all the mental self torture and seeking escapism in any way he can, for a long time.
Obviously you are best placed to assess both sides of this situation but it sounds to me like you should move on with your personal life and hope for new love someplace which will blow you away when it happens! At present you are just existing - a common red flag between any two partners!!! Not worth reasoning over - just that some never click no matter if you lay down and died for them - and don't do it! Preserve your future!! I lay down and died for too many and they think it's me whose a wimp! Remember that! Noone will think you had love in your heart but will see you as the weak link!
I wish you well! I wish you strength! I wish you a long journey with the fuel to get you to a better place if it means dragging the pain along behind till it loses its grip!
x Crusoe.
And also, another thing I find confusing is that he says all the time that he wants to get right with God, which in his mind equals getting reinstated, but to my knowledge, he has only gone to one meeting and a memorial a couple of weeks ago. He does listen to it by phone some Tuesdays and Thursdays, but not on a consistent basis because he is tired at night. So he's not really attending, but he's getting fruitier and fruitier and more "hardcore" about religious things and really had a hard time with me not attending meetings here. He does a LOT of reading the books and literature, though. During my last visit, there were books and pamphlets everywhere in his apartment. And he quotes online news articles about the economy as proof that we are living in the last days.
I did start attending a Methodist church with my dad and his wife, though, and I enjoy it, mainly to visit with them and to get treated to a free brunch afterwards (heathen that I am.) When I told Paul this, he researched the Methodist faith and told me it was a good start, but it was way off doctrinally and I needed to just go to the Hall.
I'm thinking about this wayyyy too much, I know, but it's just so fresh in my head. I honestly cannot talk to my family about this, although I know they love me very much. They think we broke it off for good after I moved to go back to school, and I figured that since things were such a roller coaster, I wouldn't mention anything to them about it until I knew for certain it would work out again. They were so relieved to get me back here, I don't want to worry them about it anymore. The friends I have here are relatively new, and I don't want to confide this in them because my choices do not reflect well on me, I know.
I really thank you all for just reading and giving me the reinforcement I guess I need to keep me from calling him. So thank you.
It has really helped me to read similar stories on here. It helps to realize that it can't all be me. To be fair, I really can't blame all of this mess on the religion, I guess. I think the religion just is one of the weapons he is using to make his point. I don't know.
And I just want to say that I apologize for not responding to individual posts right now. I am reading everything, however. My brain is just feeling a little scattered as I've got a million things storming around up in there. I guess right now I am purging myself thought-wise on here just to try to get everything written down so I can concentrate on my paper.
Found it!!
Here's the link to the person with a story very, very similar to yours: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/146819/1.ashx
-Aude.
