What kind of a funeral do you want?

by Princess Daisy Boo 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • kwr

    I want my corpse to be dragged through the streets while a mob throw stones at my dead body. Then I want gasoline to be poured on my body and lit on fire.

  • RR

    kwr, I hear that's the new disfellowshipping tactic used by the Society.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    I am of the firm belief that if someone cares for me, loves me, or respects me, that they will see me while I am alive. I have it in my will that there is to be no funeral, memorial service, or other such gathering of people to mull over my passing. I especially specified that I am not to be used by the washtowel society to preach over my carcass in an attempt to sway the minds of non believers.

  • Alpaca

    You guys are all being so silly....considering all this funeral stuff...

    Don't you know the GT is going to be here soon, and that we're all going to live forever, and the lion and the lamb will lie down together, and the earth will be a paradise.....blah, blah, blah, blah.....

    Can you believe we bought into that delusion at one time in our lives?

    Cremation and scatter the ashes at sea is my wish.

    Cheers to all in spite of the not so cheery subject,


  • horrible life
  • Hortensia

    when I am through with my body, I don't care what my family does with it. Just make sure I am well and truly dead, eh? Whoever has to deal with the aftermath can have any sort of funeral he/she wants, or none at all. No JWs would come anyway, otherwise I'd want a lot of religious music, make them sit through a couple of hours of Ave Maria and a couple of long boring dirges, and candles and incense, and maybe a buddhist monk or two.

  • horrible life
    horrible life

    NO cremation.

    I want a cheap casket. The only flowers allowed, to be on my casket. In lieu of flowers, give money to the Public Library, or a scholarship fund.

    Bury me in the cheap section of the cemetery, I really don't care.

    The only thing I want is: Warm Bodies at the funeral. I told my husband to advertise, advertise, advertise. Give away door prizes if need be. Pay strangers to come. I want people thinking that I had so many damn friends, how did I remember all of their names.

    Oh... and a guard at the door, to keep out my top 5 enemies, who would probably come and pinch my poor dead body.

  • LayingLow

    There sure seem to be a lot of threads on here about death lately.

    I remember going to funeral talks that were all about the JW beliefs. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want that at this stage in the game. Maybe I will write a story about trying to conquer sin and death and getting whipped all the time. In the story I'll try really hard and then somewhere along my journey I'll get whipped too hard to continue. I'll collapse dead at that point and then Jesus will pick up my body and carry me into the Kingdom of Heaven. When I get there he will wake me up and then I'll be doing really well. After reading stories like Uncle Tom's Cabin I have a really good feeling about death despite its sadness. I think that telling a similar story will take off some of the grief the family might feel. My hope is that it really goes down like that. True stories are always the best.

    Maybe if I can, I will add in the story that I probably wasn't expecting to die by ____ or else I would have avoided it and therefore they should be aware of their own mortality and try to live by the principal of love (That is one thing I feel strongly about) It's really late here. If this is rambling I apologize, good night.

  • Princess Daisy Boo
    Princess Daisy Boo

    I just remembered this poem I really love by WH Auden - Funeral Blues -

    Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
    Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
    Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
    Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

    Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
    Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
    Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
    Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

    He was my North, my South, my East and West,
    My working week and my Sunday rest,
    My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
    I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

    The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
    Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
    Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
    For nothing now can ever come to any good.

  • JeffT

    Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn in a silver casket
    Put golden flowers over my head in a silver basket
    Let the drum and bugle corp play taps while the cannons roar
    And sixteen libertied employees sell souvenirs from the funeral store

    I want to go simply when I go
    They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
    With a casket lined in fleece
    And fireworks spelling out rest in peace
    Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

    Oh lay me down in Forest Lawn they understand there
    They have a heavenly choir and a military band there
    Just put me in their care I'll find my comfort there
    With sixteen planes and a last salute they'll drop across in a parachute

    I want to go simply when I go
    They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
    With a hundred strolling strings
    And topless dancers with golden wings
    Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

    Oh, come, come, come, come
    Come to the church in the wild wood
    Kindly leave a contribution in the pale
    Be as simple and as trusting as a child would
    And we'll sell you the church in the dale

    To find a simple resting place is my desire
    To lay me down with a smiling face comes a little bit higher
    My likeness cast in brass will stand in plastic grass
    While hidden weights and springs tip it's hat to the mourners filing passed

    I want to go simply when I go
    They'll give me a simple funeral there I know
    I'll lie beneath the sand
    With piped in tapes of Billy Graham
    Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn

    Rock of ages cleft for me
    Forest's lightly higher fee
    Oh take me when I'm gone to Forest Lawn


    Words and music by Tom Paxton

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