The end of marriage? (page 2)

Finally-Free

It's much too easy to get married, and too hard and too costly to get out of one. It's almost as bad as my Blackberry contract.

Marriages should be done by contracts which expire after a specified period of time and must be renegotiated.

W

sammielee24

Since when did people not have the option of different arrangements?

Societal pressures to remain committed. Divorced women were viewed as somehow loose and morally corrupt in the old days and were often excluded from social gatherings. Single mothers were looked upon as scum by a lot of people back then - first because they were also considered loose if they had the child out of wedlock but then if the husband left them, they were looked on as damaged goods.

I can recall growing up the stigma that these women carried by the whispers of the adults and the looks...so no - for the most part they didn't have the options that adults do today. They were much more constrained by society and the morals and values of the day. Bear in mind as well, that the majority of women only 40 years ago, did not work at good paying jobs so their options were limited in supporting a family as well.

sammieswife.

lonelysheep

Marriage remains the best arrangement ever devised when it comes to sexual and emotional intimacy, raising children, and finding fulfillment and completeness between two people, not to mention things like financial security, better health, and longer lives. It is, as Bennett wrote, “the keystone in the arch of civilization.”

Ok...right. What other arrangements were studied?

Marriage serves no purpose in my life. Marriage is a legal contract and to me, the only reasons to obtain that contract are 1) to give someone other than your parents the say so over your life if by chance you're physically and/or mentally unable to function 2) to go on or put someone on your health benefits (if you do not live in a state like NJ where the domestic partner is qualified) 3) ?

Marriage contracts do not have anything to do with friendships, love and that bond.

Other people have realized that. Most often, from people I've come in contact with, only one person sees it that way....so they get married.

A friend recently asked me if I would ever do it again, and I replied no. He said, "What if it was with someone who's never been married before?" I said, "I'd want to know exactly WHY he'd want to marry me and what that contract means to him."

Being open and accepting of a person as well as yourself will allow a person to enjoy the things in the above quote. Status symbols not required.

free2think

I agree with Lonelysheep. Since i came out of the borg i've been seriously questioning whether marriage is really something i want in my life. Maybe, maybe not. I don't think it's vital in a committed relationship.

sammielee24

It's much too easy to get married, and too hard and too costly to get out of one. It's almost as bad as my Blackberry contract.
Marriages should be done by contracts which expire after a specified period of time and must be renegotiated.

I agree. It should be much harder to get married in the first place. I've heard people talk about how easy divorce is - I beg to differ on that one. Getting married was really easy - getting divorced was much more difficult on every level from financial to emotional. The 'till death do us part' stuff is all well - but it started when the life span of people getting married was on average about half of what it is today. Women died younger after birthing many children, which left the man open to remarriage as a way to care for his children and continue procreating. This often negated the necessity of divorce. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, but it was not socially acceptable. My grandparents divorced in the 30's and my grandmother took the fall for all of it. I do believe that parents should be financially obligated to provide for their offspring regardless of wether or not they are married and marriage was one way to ensure that those children were taken care of. Women were married off while still young teens in the early days but now there is no need to do so but the laws haven't kept up with the social changes. A girl of 16 doesn't really have a clue what marriage is all about and given her access to education, finances, men, travel etc., her choices and options, her ability to grow, are really far, far greater than even 50 years ago. Perhaps it is time to construct the marriage contract. Everyone goes in with assets listed and at the end of the contract, they split only what they both worked for if they want, the child care is the responsibility of both adults and they either move on or resign. Perhaps in all seriousness, there should also be parental contracts where not only is the fathers and mothers name mandatory on the birth certificate, but their social security numbers, drivers license, passport number or any other identifiable information - including perhaps mandatory paternity testing since something like 30% of all men are not the fathers of the children they believe are theirs. This would allow tracking of parents obliged to provide for their children. sammieswife.

lonelysheep

They were much more constrained by society and the morals and values of the day. Bear in mind as well, that the majority of women only 40 years ago, did not work at good paying jobs so their options were limited in supporting a family as well.

That is the issue I see as a huge factor in why marriage became a norm in most societies. We can imagine the thoughts expressed when women started to branch out from that for various reasons. Money, though, is a big part of why some women seek out marriage today, regardless of the opportunity that exists to support themselves.

I realize for a lot of people, it is not about the breadwinner factor.

hamilcarr

Marriage is morally wrong because it has pagan origins.

lonelysheep

Marriage is morally wrong because it has pagan origins.

LOL There it is.

Hope4Others

I'm not sure if it is that society today does not take commitment seriously or it is not just important the legal paper as the article mentions there are not any tax benefits.

It does not seem to be that important unless you decide to have kids. I know a couple you got married when their child started school just so he would not have

a rough time with a different family name. Perhaps this is why the prenup has become an important commodity. I just feel times have changed, my kids have a way

different view to marriage then my husband and I and I always felt my ideas have been quite liberal and very open minded to things.

Cheers!

hope

BurnTheShips

To clarify, there was a thing called marriage before legal contracts existed.

Edited to add:

I think the contract protects the woman a great deal. Historically the woman has been the weaker party and a man (as men often do) could abandon an older wife and take a new, younger and more sexually attractive one, leaving the old wife destitute and without prospects as older women generally would not be able to remarry. Older men however, have a much easier time of it on the marriage market.

Burn

The end of marriage?

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