Breaking point

by Journeys edge 37 Replies latest social relationships

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  jgnat

  Hi, I'm a former abused wife. I got away. You are an abused wife. You need to get away. So I can assure you it can be done.

  If you don't get away, he will get progressively worse and you will die. It won't matter if your body is still alive, your soul will be dead. You must get away. Your children need you to get away.

  First of all, write down all the (physical) reasons you can't get away right now. Do you have your own job and your own source of funds? Can you work at all? If you can't work can you find a new (alternative) source of income such as a supplemental or disability income of some sort? Do you have a separate bank account? Do you have savings?

  So I'm suggesting you take some practical steps towards independence. Each step you take will help you get (emotionally) ready to leave. As your courage asserts itself, you will find your way. It is not uncommon for abused wives to make a few test runs, checking to see if the supports will really be there, before they make a final break.

  As for the rest of it; the blame, the doubt, your fears that he will not survive without you, those are all excuses. None of them hold water.

  Your survival is paramount. Your children need you safe and whole. He's an adult. He will survive. He might even, paradoxically, be forced to face his problems without you around to blame.

  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044
• 

  SPAZnik

  Some therapists will counsel over the phone.
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  R.Crusoe

  Have you asked if he enjoys being married to you? Or whether he feels maybe it would be best if you could both lead separate lives if only it weren't for the kids? Because you wonder if that's what he's feeling from time to time?

  Finding the right questions to help someone say what they feel it the best 'truth' to help you both consider possible solutions without having a 'war' break out IMO.

  It seems as though you are both headed for separate lives but neither of you know how to take action due to all the WT chains on yoyur emotions and thinking even though you half feel free of it! That's a well known long term effect they have - prison psychology - institutionalsed!

  You need to work out together how you both feel and not be afraid to have a life!!

  Children will adapt better when they see parents happy and getting a life - it's WT tactics that cause unhappy kids by torturing parents with all their mind control and setting restrictive role models they find hard to build off!

  Both of you either get on and start living or get out and give each other your belssings to find happiness in a new life after suffering the one under WT torture!
• 

  Soledad

  Suicide: Permanent solution to a temporary problem

  Dont do it. Yes, this problem too, as big as it may seem right now, has an expiration date.

  visit www.dailystrength.org and register to participate. You may see many people with a similar problem to yours and find resources to help.

  call 1-800-442-HOPE to blow off some steam and get some help. You owe it to yourself and your family.
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  Hortensia

  you said "The trouble is I still care about his welfare." You need to address this issue right away. You aren't responsible for him. Let him cope - you have kids to take care of. I guarantee that if you leave and take the kids, he will find some other woman to take care of him. Wake up. You aren't HIS mother.
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  VoidEater

  Hortensia and jgnat in partricular struck me as having good advice.

  I'll take a shot in the dark here and say he has you exactly where he wants you: threatened, unsure of yourself, and in his thrall. now obviously I don't know that this is true, but try it on for fit...

  If you choose to stay together, make couples counseling a requirement. Get a commitment for at least one year. Be prepared to move out if he refuses.

  How do you find the strength to do something like this?

  It sounds silly, but sometimes you Just Do It. But for more practical steps, see jgnat.
• 

  Einstein

  Jgnat said...take some practical steps towards independence. Each step you take will help you get (emotionally) ready to leave. As your courage asserts itself, you will find your way.

  You have to leave. You are already 10 years too late and you may very well end up becoming a statistic. There is help for victims of pedophilia and mental and physical abuse. You do not have to stay in this situation. Break free for the sake of your health and your children. I beg you!
• 

  Witness 007

  You need to do something to save yourself!....think positive!