Did Your Mom and Dad Tell You " I Love You " Growing Up - and as an Adult?

by flipper 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    Three simple but very powerful words . My son and I working together last night on my jobs talked about this very subject. He told me he was glad I raised him to show emotion as a man and to be affectionate - to be able to say , "I love you" to me his dad , and not be hindered in showing affection. I told him that although my witness mom was always affectionate , and tells me and my siblings she loves us , my elder father has only told me that he loves me once or twice , if that - my entire life. 48 years. I told my son that I promised myself I was going to have a closer relationship with my own son and break the cycle of aloofness emotionally . My son and I are best friends ( outside of my wife ) and we are tight.

    I explained further to my son that by the age of 40 or so I understood what made my father so unexpressive in his showing his emotions openly. He had been abandoned by an alcoholic father at age 12 or so - so had never experienced real emotional closeness from a father figure. So I told my son that knowing that fact helps me to understand my fathers inadequacies and inability to show emotion , or to say , " I love you ". My mom has told me before, " Mr. Flipper your dad loves you so much - he just had issues as a young man". then I tell her I know , and you deal with it.

    So, my friends , have many of you dealt with this growing up , and as an adult ? Parents not telling you they love you ? And , have you been able to pinpoint their issues as parents , so you are able to deal with it - all the while not repeating the cycle of aloofness in yourself , so you are able to be close to your own children ? Interesting thoughts to ponder. It is true I feel that we have to " break the cycle " so to speak , so our children and future generations don't make the same mistakes . As always, I look forward to hearing your experiences and responses in regards to this " parental affection " issue ! Hope you all are well ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • llbh

    I hug the two younger kids every day more than once and the older one when we see him.

    I lost my bro when he was 36 so for me these words have added meaning

    My mum and dad were quite affectionate too

    You can not underate these emotions imo



  • JK666


    I can honestly say that I never heard my father tell me he loved me, nor do I recall ever being hugged by him. My mother always tried to overcompensate for this, but it is not the same. Just another reason why I am so messed up.


  • momzcrazy

    My dad was loving and told us often he loved us. But unfortunately when he would raise his hand to put his arm around us, we would duck. I can't remember my mom saying it, now that I think about it.

    I always tell my kids I love them, and that they are exactly what I wished for when they were inside my belly. I tell them I am so glad you are my kid.


  • JK666

    In addition to the last comment, he is dead so it will never happen for me as an adult either.


  • SPAZnik

    My parents showed their love in many wayz.

    I'm one of the lucky ones.

  • Casper

    Hi Mr. Flipper,

    As I have referenced in other posts, I grew up in an alcoholic home. More like a "War Zone"...complete with guns at every turn. I still have trouble going in that house, without looking around to make sure the bullet holes are still there, just to know that I didn't just dream it all...

    Things changed dramatically about 30 years ago... and all of it just came to an end. They became model parents... hugs and "I love you-s" at every turn... I don't know if they were just (in their own way) trying to make up for the past or what. I still at my age feel leary of them. I do have alot of trouble getting close to people and believing that I am lovable..... Even tho others assure me that I am.

    Years of therapy has helped. I wish I could sit down and discuss it all with them, tho that will never happen.

    I made a conscience effort to stop the cycle...and tell my Girls I love them every chance I get. The hugs and I love you-s... flow and are sincere.

    So yeah, I heard those words from my parents, eventually............Not sure I truly believe them tho.


  • Maddie

    Flipper - I never had the benefit of a fathers love because he died when I was only 5 years old. I don't remember my mother being affectionate and she died when I was 15 years old. I have struggled all my life with issues because of not having parental love or guidance. I am sure it affected the way I was with my children although I did my best.


  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    No "i love yous" or hugs for me and my siblings growing up.

    None from my in laws with my first JW marraige.

    With my second marraige, my in laws declare there love often. The first time my MIL said it to me. I probably looked like a deer in her headlights. I was stunned, I couldn't find any words to say.

    Now I say it often. I have even began telling my parents and my siblings that I love them. It took a while, but now, after all these years of never saying it, my family says it to me now too.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    Yes, they did. Both my parents were affectionate and I hugged and kissed my dad everyday, and we always hugged and kissed each other good night. He's gone now, but whenever I see my mom, we hug and kiss each other, tell each other we love each other.

    My hubby on the other hand, didn't have that. His mom hugs you, but he just hugged his father for the first time this fall, and he iniatiated it. His father has never told him he loved him, his mom rarely. It's very odd for an Italian family.


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