Guys: When does a woman become "needy" ?

serendipity

As I browse guys profiles on online dating sites, I occasionally run across references to "needy women" eg. "needy women stay away". At what point does a chick become needy? Is it what she asks of you or is it frequency or a combination? Examples please. And no, I've NEVER been told I'm needy. :-)

dinah

Maybe they are referring to a woman who cannot take care of herself in any way, or is just looking for a man to pay her bills?

willdabeerman

Since my wife also reads this board, I shall remain mute on this subject due to the fact I may be held responsible for my comments.

Gopher

I think there can be an EMOTIONAL neediness, and it is not just women who display it.

This was an interesting article on this phenomenon -- http://members.aol.com/elrophe/emoneedi.htm

Emotional Neediness
by Dr. Sidney Langston
Do you know someone so emotionally needy, that regardless of how attentive and giving you are in your relationship with them, it is never enough? The longer you are around these individuals, the more they demand of you. And if you don't quickly meet their needs, they conclude that you are rejecting them. Such relationships can become so draining that you come to dread being around these persons. This dread creates a double bind for you. On the one hand, you do like and enjoy them when they are behaving in an equitable, adult manner. However, when their behavior changes and they revert back to their childish demanding ways, alienation occurs and the relationship breaks down.
Individuals that fit this description are emotionally dependent and needy. They truly believe that the ongoing presence and/or nurturing of another person is necessary for their personal security. The need for nurturing can take on various forms such as time spent together, attention, affirmation, listening, counsel and admiration.
We all have a deep need for intimate friendships, but the emotionally needy individuals are looking for someone to meet their basic needs for love and security . . . someone to take care of them and to provide for them.
Root Problems
Typical root problems that promote emotional dependency and neediness are:
Covetousness: desiring to possess something (or someone) that does not belong to us;
Rebellion: refusing to live in an equitable manner with significant others and refusal to submit to rational authority;
Mistrust: failing to believe that our needs can be met in healthy ways without depending on others to take care of us; and
Idolatry: deification of someone as the center of our lives from whom life and security are drawn.
Benefits of Dependency
There are benefits to being emotionally dependent and needy. As painful as dependency is, it does provide some gratification. Some of the perceived benefits of an emotional dependency are:
Emotional security: a dependent relationship gives us the sense that we have at least one relationship upon which we can depend. This gives us the feeling of importance and of belonging to someone.
Intimacy: our need for intimacy, warmth and affection might be filled through this relationship.
Self worth: our ego is boosted when someone admires us or is attracted to us. We also appreciate feeling needed.
Relief from boredom: a relationship like this might add excitement and possibly even romance when life seems dull otherwise. In fact, the stressful ups and downs of the relationship can be addictive.
Escape from responsibility: the focus on maintaining the relationship can provide an escape from confronting personal problems and responsibilities.
Familiarity: many people do not know any other way of relating. They are afraid to give up the "known" for the "unknown," which in reality is healthier and more satisfying.
The tendency to draw our life and security from another human being is a problem we all face at some point in our lives. It is only after we encounter repeated frustrations and sorrow by being emotionally dependent and needy that we hunger for something more satisfying.
Recovery
Recovery from this malady lies in breaking lifelong patterns of behavior. First, we must admit to ourselves that we are emotionally dependent and overly needy. If we are to heal we have to be rigidly honest with ourselves regarding the nature of the problem. Next we must also be uncompromisingly honest with at least one other person. We can do this by seeking out individuals that can be genuinely trusted and let them know that we are struggling with emotional dependency and neediness. We can ask them to make us aware when they see these behaviors manifested in our lives.
As we become more aware of the specific ways we have manipulated circumstances and used others to get our needs met, we can then do something constructive to change. We need to work diligently to resolve the deeper core issues that have led to the emotional dependency and neediness in the first place. It is necessary to face our pain, grieve our losses, get to know ourselves really well, and purpose that we will never expect or demand another to do for us what we can legitimately do for ourselves. This will strengthen us personally and encourage us to keep on stepping out in an effort to care for ourselves in ways we never imagined possible.
The goal of healing is that of becoming interdependent and independent in relationships rather than being emotionally dependent and needy. The latter is a relationship of bondage and the former is a relationship of freedom and mutual satisfaction.

Fe2O3Girl

It means "when I get bored, disappear!"

AWAKE&WATCHING

I know women I consider "needy". There are "needy" men as well.

When all of someone's self worth is hinged on their relationship with someone else, when they "need" that person to feel whole then there is a problem.

dinah

Amen, A&W.

Mincan

When all of someone's self worth is hinged on their relationship with someone else, when they "need" that person to feel whole then there is a problem.

Isn't that one of the criterian for a definition of love?: To feel "complete" when with the other person.?

daniel-p

LOL at the ad below.... Anyway, yeah. I think "needy" is a derogatory term. I would liken it to "a lack of self reliance" which may stem from a lack of self esteem and confidence.

dawg

I wish the blond in this add below would get needy for me in that position she's posing in...

Guys: When does a woman become "needy" ?

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