how is it that my mother can still.......

by memario 16 Replies latest jw experiences

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  memario

  ........make me feel guilty. I recieved a phone call from her yesterday inviting us for diner at a restaurant. The first thing she said to me was "you didn't go to the meeting today didn't you?" With some hesitation and a second of guilt and a rush of feeling that I let her down as a son. I grew a set of "nuts" and said "nope". And then she said ' well you know what you are doing, your old enough to know' and said the invitation is there we are meeting at 4pm if you come you come if not its ok. So we didn't go. Why is it that every conversation I have with my mother, gives me a feeling of guilt. That same feeling I had as a JW that no matter what you did it wasn't good enough. I just felt like I got kicked again.

  mem
• 

  Gopher

  I give both you and your mom credit for honesty.

  "you didn't go to the meeting today didn't you?"

  It sounds like she knows what to expect, and that's a good thing. Maybe she'll tire of asking the same thing after a while.

  "Nope"

  And then she said ' well you know what you are doing, your old enough to know'

  She is exactly right. You DO know what you're doing. She's giving you credit for that.

  My situation is such that my parents never eat with me, at least your mom does. Hopefully you can keep your relationship going on a non-religoius basis.
• 

  JK666

  mem,

  I think that JW mothers are the local distributors of guilt. My mother hits me with an occasional: "Your friends miss you at the Kingdom Hall." Another biggie is: "I know that you know it is the Truth." I pretty much ignore it now, but I know exactly what you mean.

  JK
• 

  cognac

  Wow, mem, that sucks...

  Why not try preparing a question or reply for her the next time she says something like that???

  Like, "No, I didn't. However, now that you brought up JWs, I had a question. Why is it that the society states that they are prophets when the very definition of a prophet is somebody who is inspired. Yet, last year in the April or May WT, they stated that they in no way had any special inspirations that the great crowd has???"
• 

  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I always feel a little weird responding to this kind of post. Nine months ago Shannon said the same thing about me. Ask her how shocked she is that her mom woke up.

  Your mom loves you. She wants to see you in the paradise. She thinks that you are literally throwing your life away. Guilt is the only thing she has left. It's a known weapon by mothers the world over when they can no longer pull you by the ear to the hall.

  She can't help herself. You are her child.
• 

  memario

  Thanks everyone I would like to keep the relationship as open as possible right now so thats why I answer with simple "yep" and "nope" answer, and turn the conversation to "hows the weather?"

  Gopher - I am fortunate to have parents that I can still have a meal with and a one sided conversation with. Time will tell and I'm hoping for a WT screw up to help me along.

  mem
• 

  momzcrazy

  Guilt crosses religious bounderies. It is just an ability that some mothers possess.

  momz
• 

  memario

  pull you by the ear to the hall.

  F&^$kin hurt too don't it. I remember those days A&W

  She can't help herself. You are her child.

  Yes I understand that so I need to grin and bare it to keep my relationship alive.

  mem
• 

  sacolton

  Just tell mom you are following the scriptures by saying, "I don't want to be a follower of men anymore. Psalms 146:3. What's for dinner?"
• 

  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Mem - I just realized I didn't actually answer your question. You know how long winded I can be. LOL

  Your mother can still make you feel guilty because you love HER and you know that living your own independant, enlightened life hurts her. There is nothing you can do about that except hope that something sinks through.

  However - and this I believe is the tricky part: You can let go of the guilt. Everytime you feel that guilty feeling because you've talked to mom you need to talk yourself down.

  "I'm not doing anything wrong. My mom is the one that is misled, not me. I can't live my life for anyone else. I can not control how my mom responds to my life choices and my world view. I can only control my response to her." You know -that kind of thing. I'm sure it will get easier as time goes on.

  Love you much!