Being known on JWD - unable to discuss VERY personal matters.

by kwintestal 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  kwintestal

  For some time now, my wife and I have met various people on JWD and we've developped close friendships with many of them over the years. We have family members who post on here as well. Believe me, I wouldn't lose these relationships for the world. But, I've lately been thinking about the benifits of anonymity.

  Really, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing something of a personal nature on here because I don't need people that I know closely, knowing the personal details of my wife and I. Yet there is a need to as a lot of our relationship was lived as JW's. As we grow and learn as individuals outside of the WT box, our relationship changes and evolves and I feel that to some point I need to discuss them, but am frustrated that I don't have a means to do so. The changes that you go through after leaving are huge individually, not to mention as a couple.

  Posting on JWD is great and any topic isn't out of the question, BUT when you get to know people on here you may either have to live with them knowing more about you then you may want them to know, or be stuck figuring it out on your own.
  
  Kwin
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  Crumpet

  Posting on JWD is great and any topic isn't out of the question, BUT when you get to know people on here you may either have to live with them knowing more about you then you may want them to know, or be stuck figuring it out on your own.

  It is a dilemma, isn't it?

  I try to count on the best intentions of anyone who reads my posts and who gets to know me in person. I also avoid saying anything that I wouldn't be happy to say in person. That's why some things I keep to myself.

  I also am cautious about directing pre-existing friends here and try to keep the personal information I reveal about other people (even though always anonymous) or my feelings about them respectful.
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Kwin - this hit me hard this week as well. There is a situation going on involving family members that I would probably post about had I never met anyone here. Too traumatic and too personal because some posters have met my family. I am not at liberty to be open about something that mainly involves them.

  For the first time I feel like I have to go somewhere else for support.
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  mrsjones5

  It's funny cuz I have discussed certain aspects of my sex life (not all, not the down and dirty stuff) limited mainly to my marriage but I don't really say anything about other parts of my personal life. I have said a few things about my husband's anger issues and his health issues and other stuff going on in my life like maybe losing my house and renewing contact with an old fiance but if you really look at and read my posts it's all surface stuff. I can't get too deep here...it would be all too painful. Being here and letting go of some of what is going on in my life is sort of a release but I really don't think anyone here really knows the real me.

  Josie
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  Scully

  I've been burned by someone here in the past who used information they learned about me via my "real name" facebook profile - it's made me very leery of developing close friendships with other JWDers. I try to be careful about what I post about myself here, keeping as vague as possible, but once your name gets known, some people can be very careless with information you'd rather not share here.
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  cognac

  Ever thought of a therapist???
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Ever thought of a therapist???

  Yep - this is the first time I thought I couldn't handle it myself.
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  Casper

  I totally understand what you are saying, Kwintestal.

  I have never met anyone from JWD... But my daughter used to post here and

  still reads occasionally. I feel inhibited in what I can post. I think she also feels the

  same. Not that I have anything earth shattering to say... still it makes one "Think" before posting.

  Cas
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  kwintestal

  Crumpet - Yes, you never know who's going to end up reading what you wrote about them. Never want something to come back to bite you, years later. You know what you write online stays online! Yikes!

  A&W - I hope things are OK. Yes, see a therapist if you think you need to. If you think you might, then you probably do, or at least it wouldn't hurt to talk to one.

  Mrs J - That's the way I feel too, but I feel that I have no choice to be. Sometimes I'd like to get deeper.

  Scully - Some people don't know how to keep their lips shut, and you never know who that is until it's too late.

  Cognac - Yes, it is something being concidered.

  Cas - I'm with you. I'm not worried about 99.9% of the JWD'rs ... it's the 0.1% that know us well, some related to us that I feel they don't need to know, or I don't want them to know, so I dont' say. Oh well.

  Glad to see I'm not the only one!

  Kwin
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  Lady Lee

  I have recieved many PMs from people who need just that little bit more stretch-room to deal with an issue they didn't want the whole board to know about. Often it wouldn't be something to get a therapist for - just a matter of working it out with a empathetic ear. I have recommended therapy for a few but most only need a couple of PMs or emails.

  I'm sure I'm not the only person that has been approached this way.

  I'm far enough away that most posters would not fear meeting me after they have disclosed personal matters.

  A few of us who work in the helping professions follow a code of ethics for their work. And most will carry over that code into whatever info they are trusted with. But it might be wise to let a person know that privacy is important, especially since you aren't posting it openly on the board.