Did You Experience Shunning By " Cliques" in Witness Congregations ?

by flipper 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  atpeace

  growing up my husband and i (mid 20's age - because we had to get married so young) had a group of "friends) we hung out with. we went to concernts, had drinking parties, etc. all was fine and dandy until sunday morning or the circuit assembly! then they wouldn't be caught dead looking at us! really pissed us off, because we were who we were at all times, didn't pretend to be something differrent just so hubby could run the mikes or be an attendent!

  this was the first sign that it wasn't for us. it got so bad we finally moved away. best descision we ever made.
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  AlyMC

  We were never "spiritual enough" to have friends within the congregation as a couple. As singles we both had a couple fringe friends though. The elders were nice enough at meetings and on shepherding calls, but we never got invited to peoples houses and so forth. Especially the years DH was in college. There was one couple we were friends with awhile, but in less than a year that fell apart.

  My parents were also fringe JW's so I wasn't usually allowed to play with the other JW kids to often. I spent most of my childhood somewhat socially isolated. Once I was an adult I really only hung out with a few other fringe JW's and a few worldly friends.
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  flipper

  AT PEACE- See- That's what I'm talking about, what you are saying ! People won't act the same 24/7 ! They put on different fake faces for different people ! Some would party with you - but then totally ignore you later while in the presence of elders just to impress them for some position ! That kind of behavior used to drive me crazy ! It still does ! When I see people being fake - I want to puke ! I try to be the same person no matter who I'm around ! Glad you got out Peace - people can be weird.
  
  ALY MC- So you went through shunning as well by so-called " spiritual " ones ?It always seemed to me that the " fringe ' witnesses as you stated would hang out with other " fringe ' witnesses because hey - who wants to hang out with pioneers and elders if they are always dissing us or making us feel like we are spiritual low lifes or something ! I agree. Even as a witness I wanted to hang out with " real " people , not ones who were busy trying to impress higher ups ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Finally-Free

  I wasn't in any of the cliques, and neither was my ex in spite of the fact we were both pioneers™. It's not that we weren't "spiritual" enough. That's probably half the reason we got married - the 2 things we had in common were that we were pioneer™ JWs and were both socially isolated. The more we tried to fit in, the more we were on the receiving end of malicious gossip. We'd work in service™ together so we didn't have to work alone, and then we were accused of seeing each other "on the sly". Eventually we got married - mostly so we'd have someone to talk to without having wild rumors start as a result. It's no wonder we were married on paper only, and no wonder the marriage broke up after I DA'd.

  Now I belong to a clique of me and my birds. After 20 years of virtual isolation as a JW I have little interest in socializing now.

  W
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  sooner7nc

  Honestly, I don't think that I ever knew I was being shunned by a clique in the hall. If anything, I was in the clique that shunned other kids that were'nt as cool as we were, or thought we were. I remember several people with more than a little shame, because they might have made good friends if I had let them.

  sooner7nc
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  AlyMC

  yeah, well... in fairness as a teen if one of the spiritual kids had wanted to hang with us we wouldn't have wanted to. We were having fun and exploring our teen years... and we were careful not to let people in who would tell on us. Self preservation more than a clique though.

  As a couple though, when I really was trying to do it all right... I did wish for any friendships at all. Since we were trying to do it right we didn't have worldly friends or anything at the time...
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  flipper

  FINALLY FREE- It's too bad others were gossipping about you and your wife, guy ! It was a thing the witnesses perfected - gossiping too much about things they really didn't know ! But you are right man - belonging to a clique with birds in it is much safer and easier than human cliques ! You certainly have that dead on ! Peace.
  
  SOONER 7C- Well, you never know Sooner, maybe some of those kids you mentioned that were shunned got out of the witness cult themselves ! Maybe you might run across them some day and they could still be good friends to you in the future- if you find them ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  loosie

  The elders daughter was the most stuck of our age group. she thought she was all that. her dad thought she was pretty great too. That all changed when she moced out with some df'd girls and started sleeping with everyone she could.
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  flipper

  ALy MC- I agree. I didn't want anybody ratting me out to the elders either as a teenager ! To this day - I'm still surprised that my then " witness girlfriend "didn't go running to the elders when we engaged in heavy petting. Probably she didn't go because we got married anyway some months after , so she buried it in her mind. But you are right - as a married person it would have been nice to have " non-judgemental " type friends to hang with. But in the witnesses- it seemed friendships were always conditional.
  
  LOOSIE- It was always strange how the most stuck up elder's daughter or son was the one sleeping around with everyone ! Once again - I feel it's that fake personality syndrome ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Amber Rose

  When I got married everybody was really excited because I stayed at my home congregation and brought in a new young brother, he was even a MS! People wanted to be our friends. Until, about a month later an older young brother started showing up at our hall. He was an elder in his last congregation - in Bethel! He was marrying a pioneer sister from a hall across town and wanted to serve at a hall that needed help. The only problem was, he needed a job (and he was a total dumbass). So the lazy elders at our hall (there were 13 of them, 90 pubs.) wanted a young elder to do all the work, so they begged my husband (who was 20 at the time) to give this guy a job so he could stay at our hall. Reluctantly, Drew agreed. This brother worked for us for 6 weeks, and screwed up so much stuff, it was unbelievable. We fired him. We tried to keep our mouths shut about the situation as much as possible. Apparently, he and his wife did not. Several of "the friends" no longer saw us when we walked into the hall. It hurt, but it helped get me out.