I have been surprisingly mellow about the whole transition. Not joy and not sorrow. More like apathy. I was and am however happy that I have been able to freely research anything I want now, though, and find answers.
I have been 'mellow' about it possibly because it happened so gradually. Possibly because I always had questions I couldn't get a decent answer to, since I was little. That said, it really hit home about one year or so before I joined JWD, and after that even more so. But still I didn't have a huge reaction to it. I was afraid of dying for a while though, because suddenly, this life is all I have. So there were nights I couldn't sleep because I was listening to my pounding heart, knowing it was the only thing keeping me alive. But it got better.
Actually, some kind of rage has only very recently been creeping up on me, when I think about how having been a JW actually screwed up major parts of my life. However, I'm not sure I can blame JWs for all of it. Hard to tell what kind of person I had been and what kind of life I had had if I hadn't been brought up a JW.
As well as asking which feelings you had at first (joy/sorrow/or add your own) I have a follow up question for those who found it hard- What was it that made the impending deaths of 6 billion people okay for you? Did you really think everyone else was 'evil' and deserved death? Did you not think on it too much, left it in God's capable hands? Something else?
I was... 'comfortably numb'. I think what made the deaths of 6 billion people semi-OK (wasn't totally OK with me), was that I thought Jehovah would save all those who had 'the right heart condition'. And also - he's God, so he can do whatever he wants (surprisingly, I see this kind of argument used by believers here now...). Also, I was under the impression that JWs actually were all over the world, and that everyone did have a chance to 'repent'. I was very naive in many respects. I was told however, that entire nations had been eradicated in the (biblical) past, so it could happen again. I also thought that people who would be killed in Armageddon, didn't believe in it anyway, and so didn't think they'd live forever. So ending their life there wasn't such a biggie, since they would die eventually anyway(!). It should be said that I was never totally comfortable with all this. I was brought up in it, and was told all this by my parents, who after all are your ultimate authority figures growing up. "They wouldn't lie to me". And they didn't - they actually believe it. Cognitive dissonance didn't work well for me though - I had to ask the tough questions, and there were no answers. So I did the 'waiting on Jehovah' routine for a while. But it just didn't make sense in the end.
I know most of us say we're glad it is false now, so if it was hard facing reality at first, what was your mind making of all the things we now see as negative when you were a part of it?
As mentioned, I had questions. I did search for answers in the literature, but couldn't find any. I guess I was naive, apathetic, numb, etc. and also thought that it would all be revealed some day. Besides, Armageddon was right around the corner... just a little longer now, and it will all be OK somehow...
