This is all too surreal. What are you doing?..Where are you at..RIGHT NOW?

BONEZZ

Ever have one of those really weird moments? Part melancholy...fleeting and just weird. It's like certain uncontrollable elements come together to create an overwhelming sadness...or maybe it's just the caffeine.

So here I am sitting in a Starbucks, in one of the comfy seats...been here since opening at 6am...when all of sudden I'm reading the post by Uzzah, listening to the Starbucks channel play Georgia on my Mind by Ray Charles...followed by I Left my Heart in San Francisco...fighting back tears to no avail....and everything around me is hazy. This particular SBucks is in a reconditioned 100 year old building in a northern CA college town with the usual activity...people coming and going....a college kid next to me dong work....a homeless guy across the room setting up his "area" unloading his stuff preparing his breakfast...the rain coming down outside...and then it's pretty much all over. It just seems everything hit at once...thank god it's over. I can see how people kill themselves when this type of feeling doesn't go away. I have had about 7 years of bad luck...divorce...lost my faith...lost my daughter to the cult...my $100k+ per year business down the tubes...making zero currently...feelings of worthlessness...get shunned fairly regularly...but I am ok. I have hope.

Please don't respond and try to help me. I really am ok. If I need help I'll ask...I just want to know if you"ve ever had a time when all the uncontrollable elements in the universe have come together to overwhelm you? Tell me about THAT.

Of course it could be the caffeine...or maybe I need to check my testosterone level...typical guy reponse huh? I think I'll blame Uzzah and his gut-wrenching post.

-BONEZZ

AuldSoul

Yes, I have been overwhelmed.

How sarcasm (irony?) saved my life (WARNING: Sensitive)

WAAAAAAY past that now, thanks in large measure to the folks on this forum.

dawg

Bonezz, I feel that everyday I breathe. I could have writen that post, even my business is failing right now. Have no family, caught my lady cheating, September 11th, and so on and so forth... sucks doesn't it... But I have great friends for the most part; always look on the bright side of life.

Just like that Monty Python movie, "the life of Brian" where everyone is hanging on crosses...now sing along together... "always look on the bright side of life"... do, do, da do do do da do

BlackSwan of Memphis

what is it with starbucks.....

A few weeks ago I had taken my pooch

to get his fur cut.

And then since I was 45 min away from home and it was going to take an hour, I went to my nearest Starbucks with my book I had planned on reading.
Incredibly tired and hoping that a venti cappucino would give me the bright eyed look, I plopped in one of their cozy chairs, opened my book and stared at the same page for a few minutes before I finally admitted defeat and said eff it.

Leaned back in the chair and stared out the window.

And everything that has been going on hit and I just started wiping away tears.

A lot goes on in my life that I don't share with people on the board. I talk with people email wise and they know what is going on. I am damned lucky that I have the friends I have. The support that they have given me and are continously offering has been a life saver.

But on this particular day....everything just hit.

Starbucks....I think they Want you to stay and cry, then you'll buy more coffee....

Sparkplug

Starbucks....I think they Want you to stay and cry, then you'll buy more coffee....

Bonezz~ I can honestly say I have had a Starbucks moment life as of late. It gets better...Breathe, breathe.

BONEZZ

It's really great to hear I'm not the only one.

Auldsoul...a lot of that hits home.

Dawg...i agree, humor can greatly help.

BSofM...yeah it's prob the selection of music they play too. Those bastards will do anything to make an extra buck.

Sparkplug...you may have coined a new phrase..."Starbucks moment."

Seriously, as bad as I have had it I do have hope and work my way thru most things. I took up boxing at the ripe old age of 48 when my marriage was failing and it taught me a lot about never giving up.

-BONEZZ

FreedomFrog

I just want to know if you"ve ever had a time when all the uncontrollable elements in the universe have come together to overwhelm you? Tell me about THAT.

I think many on here have Starbucks moment because we all are having to start out lives over. When we come out of a cult/relationship/loss of employment, things tend to feel overwhelming since it seems to hit all at once.

Yes, I have Sbucks moments on many days and (like you) am thankful they end before another one hits. Sbucks should provide tissues near the seating area...LOL

anewme

Bonezz you did a good job in trying to describe the terrible feelings of loss, depression, panic and tragedy that hits you all at once after the trauma of disfellowshipping and divorce and separation from family and friends.

Its like a giant Maverick wave that comes up from behind you and looms overhead poised to come crashing down on you and there is nothing you can do but take a deep breath and go under for a bit, hold onto your breath and go for the ride along the bottom of the ocean of events and hope you float up to the top when its all over.

That little bit of breath is the hope you retain that eventually life will get better and you will begin again.

For me, the four years following my dfing were filled with despair, loss, tears, and alcohol. I was 35 years in the cult. I was recruited at 17 by a fellow high school student. I left family and friends to join the cult and was cloistered away for the next 35 years until 2001 when I started to get immensely restless and bored and question the biblical base for the JW theocratic schedule and life style.
I joined the cult initially to find happy family life, but in 2001 I realized my family life was anything but happy. We were uprooted every weekend to do kingdom hall activities and almost every night of the week required attention to kingdom hall meetings in one way or another. It felt like my family mattered less than the almighty kingdom hall needs. The message was clear: I myself and my needs and feelings didnt matter that much either.

I got an email last week from a JW relative sincerely wondering if I am still alive! (The last time anyone saw me was in 2001 and I was an emotional mess)

I was happy to report all the good news in my life! First that I am alive and well, happily remarried and sober and going to college and working full time and in a lovely new house and moving next year to the coast.

That was a week ago and I have heard no reply. (Somehow I dont think JWs are cheered to hear you are happy and doing great after you leave their cult)

So Bonezz, I have been there. And yes I still get the occasional shivers when I think of the dark waters I treaded for a couple of years. It was bad spiritually and emotionally. But not the worst experience that a human can go through. I was not physically tortured. No one died. No one was murdered.
Really I just left a club, an organization, like leaving a job. Big deal.

Why do we make such a big deal of leaving a church?

Coming here to this site and reading about the experiences of others and listening to the reasoning and clear thinking here and learning to stand up for myself and defend my feelings and my worth
has helped so much to practice turning my back on the GUILT AND DEJECTION the cult tries to impose on us
for having the audacity to question them and to leave them.

Yes, there is life after the cult, good life!

OUTLAW

There`s no Point in being Pessimistic..It wouldn`t work anyway.. Depressed ................... Laughing Mutley ...OUTLAW

BONEZZ

FreedomFrog...tissues might be a good idea but come on, you know us "real" guys don't cry...maybe complimentary Visine for when we've "got something in our eyes."

anewme...loved your ocean analogy...that's exactly the feeling. I however would qualify one thing. It would all be allright...the loss of a 21 year marraige...the loss of a great business....I would be able to walk away and never think about the JWs again...IF my only daughter was out and not shunning me. On of the things that keep me going is the fact that my son got out and our relationship has gotten much better. Maybe some day...keep hope alive.

-BONEZZ

This is all too surreal. What are you doing?..Where are you at..RIGHT NOW?

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