Presents to children from JW grandmother?

sweet pea

We received a parcel for our boys today from Besty's mother. Presents, photos (of seals!) and a card addressed to them asking for some photos of them!

I find it all quite distressing. It makes me angry, sad - a whole raft of emotions.

Half of me wants to return it unopened with a note saying - unless you can act like a normal human being and stop shunning us then we cannot accept these gifts. The boys want a grandmother who is in their life 100pc and speaks to their parents, not just one who sends the odd gift or letter.

Then I remember, she's a victim of mind control. A broken hearted victim who truly believes she's doing the right thing.

I want to send her a thank you note because we're bigger than all this childishness but on the other hand I think why should I, she wants emergency contact only.

Sigh.

What would YOU do?

momzcrazy

Personally, I would give them to your kids. If they old enough explain that Grandma is emotionally stunted. She is controlled by her religion. This is her way of showing you she is thinking of you, and that she loves you in the only way she is able to. She is mad at Mommy and Daddy, not them. Have them write the thankyou's, and send a picture of them. I find that this way you are supportive of them if they desire a relationship with her, or if they don't.

Or you could ask them want they want to do. I've told my 9 yr old that she can spend the night at my moms if she wants. Her aunt will pick her up before meeting. She hasn't even asked to go over. I refuse to shun as I feel it is mean. I will let others shun me and they can be the mean ones.

momz

Mulan

Give them the gifts. It will mean a lot to them. You said it best............she is a victim of mind control, but obviously loves you all.

Send a nice thank you note too, and get the kids to do the same. It will speak volumes as to who you are now.

sweet pea

Thanks for that momz. I know in my heart I can't shun her, I don't want to be mean.

However, the boys are 2 and 1 years of age so it's me that will be writing the thank you notes on their behalf and it all feels very weird when you are being treated as if you don't exist. It's very painful. I'm not used to being ignored ....

Sad emo

I want to send her a thank you note because we're bigger than all this childishness but on the other hand I think why should I, she wants emergency contact only.

I'd give the boys their presents - they're young enough yet not to fully grasp what's going on between the adults - anything could happen by the time they're older, so for now at least, maybe some contact is better than none. Just keep an eye on how things develop.

And I would send that thank you note regardless of her instructions. Why? You said it yourself - you're bigger than that

How 'bout all four of you contribute to the thank-you note - get the podlets to do a drawing or something? I dunno why I suggested that - something along the lines of presenting her with a united family front I guess.

Don't do anything until you've calmed down and are thinking rationally!

JWdaughter

If she is shunning you, you could write her a letter thanking her for the gifts, and tell her that the next time she visits, you have framed pictures for her. Or you could simply enclose pictures and be a little less snarky than I am:) OTOH, it wouldn't hurt to remind her that while your children will appreciate gifts, they are just another toy in their toybox as long as she refuses to associate with your family-and that at some point, they will be made to understand that this is HER choice. You could remind her that the children are young enough that she can reconsider whether her decision is a scriptural/moral/ethical/loving one or not before they are old enough to remember (this stupid game she is now playing).

You can be absolutely gracious, but it isn't going to change the fact that she is sending gifts to children she will never know.

looloo

i know just how you feel, i am married to a disfellowshipped guy and his mum did not come to our wedding even though she kept telling us to get married , our 6 month old baby went ! , she is now 4 years old and has not been to grandmas for 6 months ! and grandma has only come to see her once at our home in 18 months ! you may be thinking this is a long distance grandma but no she lives only a 15 minute walk away from us and often i have seen her walk past our home when she is on the ministery , i have made it quite clear that she is welcome at our home anytime and am still hoping for an invite to her home soon but it is so upsetting , how am i going to explain this to my child when she sees her other gran once or twice a week and she dos not live so near , my child also has an uncle and auntie that do not come to see her either , what a false impression i got of people in the truth and thier "happy familys" i have never met such disfunctional familys in all my life ! she has given my child presents though but i would prefer her presence.

Abandoned

Half of me wants to return it unopened with a note saying - unless you can act like a normal human being and stop shunning us then we cannot accept these gifts.

My advice is to find some way to make the other half of you want that too.... ((((((((((sweet pea))))))))))

Maddie

((((((((sweet pea))))))))))))

This is such crazy behaviour which probably hurts them as much as it does you. I would feel like you do - wanting to show them how it makes you really feel but at the same time not wanting to act in a mean way. As it will have to be you who writes back perhaps you could thank them on behalf of the boys, but add that you would really like them to have a proper relationship with their grandparents. Of course to do this would mean respectful contact with you and Besty. Just a thought because I know how horrible it is for you all.

Maddie

momzcrazy

You could get the kids to scribble at the bottom of the thank you note you write.

momz

Presents to children from JW grandmother?

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