Presents to children from JW grandmother? (page 3)

lrkr

I feel like I'm in a similar situation. Parents are too far geographically to know that were basically inactive, but they sense something is different- and they're trying like crazy to get to our kid. (I sense that their intent is to establish a relationship and try and do the indoctrination without us.) Pisses me off. But I'm trying to be pleasant and at the same time innoculate our kid against the indoctrination attempts (which will eventually come).

Scully

Let the kids enjoy the toys.

Ignore grandma's communication and do not respond to her in any way. She is the one who stated she wanted no contact from you - let her have her wish. It will bother her to no end that her "gifts" have not been acknowledged, and she'll probably proceed to gossip about how unmannerly you all are in not sending a thank you note. When the gossip gets back to you (and it will, don't you worry about that) act shocked that she would manipulate events so that it allowed her to say such a horrible thing, particularly when she made it perfectly clear that you were not to contact her under any circumstances. Dump it all back on her and her behaviour.

You realize that if you do respond, she will gossip about you to her JW friends that you harass her in spite of her expressed wishes that you not contact her, right?

This is a toxic mind game that she's playing with you. She has it all figured out in advance so that no matter what you do, or how you respond, she will "win" in her own mind. She has it set up so that you will always be the villains and she will always be the poor victim who's only trying to do what "God" expects of her.

Your best bet is to respect her wishes and not communicate with her at all. She won't know whether you received the parcel or not unless you had to sign for it, and your lack of response will force her into an awkward position of either forgetting about it or contacting you herself. If she does contact you, remind her that she was the one who did not want any communication from you, and that you and Besty decided that should extend to the children as well. If she wants to shun and disrespect you, she is disrespecting your children's parents in the process and you will not tolerate that. She gets no photos, no phone calls, no letters or thank you notes until that attitude reverses and you get a full apology for it.

sweet pea

Scully - thank you for your candour.

I agree with many of your sentiments - my sense of justice dictates that I do nothing and treat her as she is treating us.

However, I want to bigger than this and appeal to her heart in any way I can.

Also, she is not a bad person AT ALL, she really is a victim in these circumstances and I can just imagine Besty's hardline PO brother constantly drip feeding her the party line "come on mother, I know it's hard but we really are being loyal to Jehovah, blah, blah, blah".

So, if ever she did feel like weakening and giving in to her natural affection I am convinced the BIL is constantly reinforcing the tough love approach.

I know she is broken hearted. I hate the organisation for this. They are cruel, evil, b@£$*ards.

AudeSapere

She's clearly playing games.

It's a ~~Christmas~~ 'thinking-of-you' present sent around Christmas time. She knows that you will be the one to respond because the kids are too small.

I would send a thank you and sign your own name. Maybe finger-paint hand prints of each of the kids at the bottom of the page or inside the card so she has something personal from them - but not necessarily their photos.

My non-jw sister-in-law refused to engage my mom when she started this sort of gameplay. My mom was actively shunning and threatening (disowned) my brother [her husband]. SIL told mom that if K** is not her son, then his kids were not her grandkids. It forced her to accept them as a whole, complete family - or not at all.

Eventually mom gave in and dropped the shunning.

Maybe you can find a way to let her know that the door is open for her and you hope she will find a reasonable spot in her heart that will allow her to be a part of her grandchildren's young life.

Does she know that you are moving away???

-Denise.

llbh

Hey Sweet Pea,

I was talking about your situation to a friend of mine today about your situation , he is a faded JW who lurks here. I said to him that i met you at Covent Garden with Paul.. I also told him that the pair of you were so lovely and vivacious that the way you were treated and are treated flies in the face of natural reason. I really do hope that this can be sorted out.

The fact she sent presents could be a good sign.

Wishing you and Paul well

David

carla

There are thousands of older people in communities and nursing homes that would love to be full time grandparents to adoptive families who will have them, if you choose to ignore (per her own request) her in the future.

Es

I let my children have the occasional gifts my folks give to them, I read any letters beforehand, there is one that I havnt given my son, but have kept for him when he is older. I also still continue to send anniversary presents to them from the kids, I do this to show them Im a bigger and better person then they are and hopefully it will one day make them realise how stupid they are being. Believe me it takes a lot to do this but I make myself.

es

Presents to children from JW grandmother?