Loss of privileges when family member is disfellowshipped

by Agnes 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  Agnes

  If a family member is disfellowshipped (for example a son or a daughter) what sort of "privileges" would a family lose? Would they still be permitted to have bible studies in their home, go out in field service and would they be marked as bad association? Agnes
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  momzcrazy

  Hi Agnes! When I was DF'd in '90 my dad stepped down from being an elder. (The one time he did and it wasn't HIS fault) We didn't have bookstudy anymore, but kept fs meetings during the week. We were strategically placed and everyone had been meeting there for years.

  momzcrazy
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  OnTheWayOut

  Your question doesn't supply enough information, but I will answer anyway.

  If a family member is disfellowshipped, and is continuing to live in the home
  where the book study is held, the book study is supposed to find another place.
  Occasionally, even that rule is broken.

  If a family member of an elder is DF'ed, the body of elders usually looks over
  his qualifications to determine if he can continue serving as an elder (or an MS).
  If it's a minor child or the wife, he could be in big trouble, but not always. If it's
  an adult child that has left the home, he is usually fine. Various degrees inbetween.
  but they have to say that the man was not presiding over his home in a fine way to
  remove him.

  As far as pioneering goes, it is virtually never an issue. Certainly, they don't want
  other family members to stop going out in the magazine and book selling work.

  A family could be "marked" unofficially. They could even be official about it if they
  think the family is not shunning the DF'ed person, or is involved in bad stuff. Usually,
  the wonderful loving family of the congregation just starts avoiding the family of a DF'ed
  person more and more- in a very unloving way.
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  primitivegenius

  As far as pioneering goes, it is virtually never an issue. Certainly, they don't want
  other family members to stop going out in the magazine and book selling work.

  so you would think..... but i have known of cases where the boe was especially vindictive and even told the wife of an elder they no longer wanted her to pioneer........... at first it was for 6 months and then they kept finding reasons NOT to allow her to resume.............. this was a sister who had pioneered for 8 years continuously previous to the elders asking her to stop....... and all over her husband being a so called TROUBLESOME elder who wouldnt just play ball....... he honestly felt he was appointed by holy spirit to do the job of sheparding the flock to jehovahs standards....... wonderfull brother......... they made him "step aside" as an elder or else they were gonna delete him. no sin involved other than being too good at his job.
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  CaptainSchmideo

  When I was a child, the troubled daughter of an older sister was disfellowshipped (this was in the early to mid 70's, I believe). The bookstudy was still held at this sister's house, but I'll bet you there were some times when she wished it weren't. There were Tuesday evenings when the daughter would show up during the study, and hushed, angry arguments were had in doorway between the kitchen and garage. I particularly remember one night, the daughter shouting "BITCH!" at her mother when she came back into the living room.

  I seem to remember the daughter finally getting her life straightened out, but I never could warm up to her again after that incident, even years later. To my young mind, no one had the right to be that hateful to their own mother...
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  tijkmo

  ***

  w9610/15pp.21-22FatherandElder—FulfillingBothRoles***

  "Having

  BelievingChildren"

  5

  When instructing Titus to appoint overseers in the Cretan congregations, Paul stipulated: "If there is any man free from accusation, a husband of one wife, having believing children that were not under a charge of debauchery nor unruly. For an overseer must be free from accusation as God’s steward." Just what is meant by the requirement "having believing children"?—Titus 1:6, 7.

  6

  The term "believing children" refers to youngsters who have already dedicated their lives to Jehovah and have been baptized or to young ones who are progressing toward dedication and baptism. The members of a congregation expect elders’ children to be generally well-behaved and obedient. It should be apparent that an elder is doing all that he can to build up faith in his children. King Solomon wrote: "Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it." (Proverbs 22:6) But what if a youth who has received such training refuses to serve Jehovah or even commits a gross wrong?

  7

  It is evident that the above-quoted proverb is not stating a hard-and-fast rule. It does not annul the principle of free will. (Deuteronomy 30:15, 16, 19) When a son or a daughter reaches the age of responsibility, he or she must make a personal decision with regard to dedication and baptism. If an elder has clearly given needed spiritual help, guidance, and discipline, yet the youth does not choose to serve Jehovah, the father is not automatically disqualified from serving as an overseer. On the other hand, if an elder has several minor children living at home who, one after the other, become spiritually sick and get into trouble, he might no longer be considered to be "a man presiding over his own household in a fine manner." (1 Timothy 3:4) The point is, it should be manifest that an overseer is doing his best to have ‘believing children that are not under a charge of debauchery nor unruly.’

  Married

  toan"UnbelievingWife"

  8

  Concerning Christian men married to unbelievers, Paul wrote: "If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and yet she is agreeable to dwelling with him, let him not leave her . . . For . . . the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy. For, . . . husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16) The word "unbelieving" here does not refer to a wife who has no religious beliefs but to one who is not dedicated to Jehovah. She could have been a Jew, or a believer in pagan gods. Today, an elder might be married to a woman who practices a different religion, is an agnostic, or even an atheist. If she is willing to stay with him, he should not leave her simply because of differing beliefs. He should still ‘dwell with her according to knowledge, assigning her honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one,’ living in hopes of saving her.—1 Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:19.

  9

  If an overseer has children, he will exercise proper husbandly and fatherly headship in raising them "in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah." (Ephesians 6:4) In many lands the law gives both marriage mates the right to provide religious instruction for their children. In this case the wife may demand to exercise her right to expose the children to her religious beliefs and practices, which may include taking them to her church. Of course, the children should follow their Bible-trained conscience with regard to not participating in false religious ceremonies. As family head, the father will exercise his own right to study with his children and take them to meetings at the Kingdom Hall when possible. When they reach the age at which they may make their own decisions, they will decide for themselves which way they will go. (Joshua 24:15) If his fellow elders and the members of the congregation can see that he is doing all that the law allows him to do to instruct his children properly in the way of the truth, he will not be disqualified as an overseer.
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  jaguarbass

  If your sons and elder, I think you can forget about having the bookstudy in your home if he lives with you.
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  Layla33

  My experience is that you will have the book study moved from your home and if you are an elder, trust me, you will probably lose your priviledges because you should be able to keep that family member in line and study the bible. NO ROOM FOR IMPERFECTION!

  Besides all the rheotric, I have seen entire family's "marked", "gossiped about" and treated like the flu bug when a family member was disfellowshipped with the entire family being pressured to kick said DFS member out the house.
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  blueviceroy

  Think of the affiliation with the watchtowwer as an affliction rather than a privilege and your answer will be self evident
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  B_Deserter

  My sister-in-law was reproved because a guy in another congregation made an confession of doing "things" with her of a sexual nature (or drugs, I don't really know/care). This was years ago and she was disfellowshipped after those occurrences. I was under the impression that being reproved washed away all those sins but apparently not. This brother ended up getting reproved, so they reproved my sister-in-law, despite her having no recollection of said indcidents, and despite this guy being known liar, solely because he got reproved. Yet, she doesn't see it as a big deal.