by new boy 48 Replies latest jw friends
I like Rodney Dangerfielsd's
"So I hear a knock at the door. I open the door and there are two Jehovah's Witness, they look at me and both say 'They are not interested' ....I get no respect.
and
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and an atheist?
Someone who goes door to door...but has no idea why the do it.
Why should you always take at least two JWs fishing with you?
Because if take just one, he'll drink all your beer.
What's the first thing a JW wife should do after meeting with the Elders concerning her husband's physical abuse?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
new boy,
The Dangerfield joke was always my all time favorite. Here's my second favorite:
What is the difference between a Publisher, Pioneer, and a Bethelite?
If a fly lands in a Publisher's beer, he'll throw it out and get a new one.
If a fly lands in a Pioneer's beer, he will pick the fly out and drink it anyway.
If a fly lands in a Bethelite's beer, He holds the fly over the glass and yells "SPIT IT OUT!"
JK
Two of Jehovah's Witlesses went to Home Depot for a new light bulb. The light bulbs are in the back of the store, and they come across some screen doors and doorbell demo setups. So, they start knocking on the doors and ringing the bells. Well, of course no one is home.
The person in charge of the department soon finds out that these people do not need help in the department, but think they are going to find someone home. The department manager knows what to do, and goes in the back room. The store manager comes out about five minutes later, and the witlesses are still knocking on the door. So, the store manager rigs up the doorbells so that they will play Christmas music when rung, and puts Christmas wreaths and lights on every single one of the doors. About the same time, the PA system stops playing its normal music, and starts playing solid Christmas carols. In less than 2 minutes, the whole place is lit up, Christmas trees everywhere and Christmas carols going non stop.
Well, another 30 seconds passes. The store manager hides behind one of the doors that is next, and has a copy of Crisis of Conscience and a Ouija board. Sure enough, the witless hits that button (good for more Christmas carols) and the manager presents the Crisis of Conscience book. Now, the witlesses can't take it, and they run for the exits as fast as they can. Needless to say, they totally forget the light bulb.
When they realize they forgot the light bulb, one of them mentions that they don't need it. The Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger will soon be putting in a new one anyway.
A Mormon dies and gets to heaven. St Peter greets him at the gates, explains to him the wonders of heaven, but then gives him some advice.
"You can go anywhere you want, just don't knock on door 589."
"OK," says the Mormon, and goes off to enjoy heaven.
Then a Baptist arrives, and St Peter greets him too. He gives him the layout, then the advice.
"Go where you want, but stay away from door 589." The Baptist, too, agrees.
The same thing happens all day with more Mormons, Baptists, Lutherans, Pentecostalists, etc. At the end of the day, they're all wondering why they have to stay away from door 589, so they go and see Peter.
"Hey Peter, why do we have to stay away from door 589?"
"Oh," Peter replies, "it's just that there are 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in that room, and they think they're the only ones here."
A Mormon dies and gets to heaven. St Peter greets him at the gates, explains to him the wonders of heaven, but then gives him some advice.
"You can go anywhere you want, just don't knock on door 589."
"OK," says the Mormon, and goes off to enjoy heaven.
Then a Baptist arrives, and St Peter greets him too. He gives him the layout, then the advice.
"Go where you want, but stay away from door 589." The Baptist, too, agrees.
The same thing happens all day with more Mormons, Baptists, Lutherans, Pentecostalists, etc. At the end of the day, they're all wondering why they have to stay away from door 589, so they go and see Peter.
"Hey Peter, why do we have to stay away from door 589?"
"Oh," Peter replies, "it's just that there are 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in that room, and they think they're the only ones here."
How many elders does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just get a Ministerial Servant to do it!
How do you start a marathon in Brooklyn Heights? (Where Bethel is located)
Roll a quarter down the street.
