At what age would you discuss taxes with your children? Or explain how an internal combustion engine works? I don't think there needs to be a special sit-down grand revelation about any sexual matters any more than there does about matters of economics or mechanics.
At what age would you dicuss homosexuality with your children?
by llbh 40 Replies latest jw friends
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Gretchen956
I do not want to discuss the details of sex with my 11y unless he asks. I do though want to teach him awareness and tolerance of people with differing life stiles..
llbh, Sorry that part of my post was not directed at you but at the comment from another poster, can't remember who, who said something about getting inot that with their child.
I think you are doing well discussing this openly with your child. Parenting is hard work. All the best to you with that.
Sherry
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sweetstuff
This came up for me about a year ago, when my youngest (6 at the time) was called a "dyke" by another child at school, she didn't know of course what that term referred to, she just knew it wasn't said in a "nice" way. So, I explained to both of them, that it was a mean term used for someone who was gay, then I explained what gay meant, simply, boys who like boys and girls who like girls and that was nothing wrong with that. That everyone is different and there isn't one right way to love someone.
My youngest looked at me and said, well that wasn't very nice of him to call someone gay a dyke. I said, nope it wasn't.Then she added, I like boys, I am not gay, but if I was, I'd be so mad at him. I told her, she should be mad at anyone treating someone badly because of who they are.
Since then, I have been very honest and open with them regarding any questions they might have, or ask. It's only important to me to instill in them kindness to everyone, regardless of sexual preference, color or nationality and that mommy will love them always, period. They both understand that some families consist of two mommies and some of two daddies, etc. And they dont' even blink an eye at it, I think its important to teach our children very young to respect others and whatever preferences they have.
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Dansk
My youngest looked at me and said, well that wasn't very nice of him to call someone gay a dyke
OOPS! Often, when Stephie and I are in conversation I'll say: "And is she/are they dykes?" and Stephie will say: "Yes" or "No".
I guess it's the way it is said rather than the term itself as Stephie has no problem with it.
Ian
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sweetstuff
I guess it's the way it is said rather than the term itself as Stephie has no problem with it.
Ian
Exactly, it wasn't said in a nice way or non judgemental way at all when my daughter heard it, which is why I pointed out it was a mean reference to someone who happened to be gay. I didn't want her in turn referring to someone's mom who was gay as...oh, your mom is a dyke huh? Thinking she wouldnt' offend someone, some would find it offensive or some wouldn't. I'd rather error on the side of caution I suppose, lol.
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Jankyn
Bravo, bravo! Especially to you, chickpea. What a wonderful way to parent: "It doesn't matter to me who you love; just remember that 14 is too young to be intimate!" I really wish I'd had someone to tell me that.
Hamsterbait, you nailed it about JW literature covering these things too early (and in such a repressed, sick way) with kids. I remember a WT study on sexual sins when I was about 10 or so (fifth grade). There was a whole paragraph on the evils of homosexuality (by then I knew what "having relations" meant, of course), and at the very end of it, this sentence: "Female homosexuals are called lesbians."
And the clouds cleared, as I finally had a word to describe who I was. Of course, that didn't help much--it was so evil to be a lesbian that I couldn't talk to my mother. And since I didn't dare talk to my mother (this is the woman who told me, at nineteen when I finally came out, "If I'd known you were going to be a homosexual, I'd have smothered you in your crib"), the only person I had to talk to about it ended up being the first woman I had sex with--I was 15, and she was older than my mother, and a JW on the "down-low."
32 years and beaucoup bucks on therapy later, I recognize just how damaging that was. I'm so grateful Chickpea's daughter has a mother with the tools to actually parent her questioning teen.
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minimus
Nowadays, kids are exposed to EVERYTHIING! So, I think when a child expresses curiousity, it is the time to slowly explain the differences in people. It's a great way to communicate, build trust and see if your own child has feelings or expressions that might be ".different".
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joelbear69
I new I was gay at about age 10.
I wanted to understand what was happening.
It was an eerie isolated feeling. I knew
through socialization that boys were supposed
to like girls. Therefore I concluded it
was wrong and I was defective.
I had so many questions but never asked.
When I was in Junior High I found a book
in the city library about homosexuality.
I'm rambling. It will be really cool when
parents are actually able to ask their kids
if they are gay or straight without feeling
its an insult. Then they can give them or
point them to the information they need. -
llbh
Hi Dansk - Ian thanks for finding that thread looked for it using the search facilities and your posting history no luck. Ta!
Scotsman Thanks for your input from gay guys perspective that is precisely what | was hoping for a varied group of replies and thoughtful.responses
Gretchen I could not take offence at you, I have never seen you being unpleasant here. Thanks
Jankyn This is one of the reason for raising this point, in the wts it is viewed as an horrendous sin, why? to control and repress people. The only people I think have a right to know what goes in my bedroom ( or not ) are those who I choose to talk to about it . What happened to you is awful , shame on them!! Hope everything good with you now
Sweetstuff Hi gorgeous! Why I am not surprised you dealt with it in an upfront manner, good on you!!
Joelbear Thanks and I hope all is well with you to
As i write this my 11y is reading my post - what big eyes he has !! No he just wants his/our computer back to play games, no not hat sought he is to young
regards llbh