by helricha 63 Replies latest jw friends
I admit that I make REALLY bad decisions. Perhaps marrying my husband was a bad decision but it's a decision that I have to live with for now. My life has been full of bad decisions. I can only go from here and try to make better decisions.
Thanks for responding.
Thank you for getting back to us helricha and good luck!
Thanks everyone for their responses. It's helpful to see what different people say, esp. when my reasoning and thinking ability is really screwed up right now. I actually reasoned that it wasn't adultery because I hadn't filed the marriage papers with the county clerk and so I wasn't legally married when I committed the act. That was my way of not being worried about it.
The reason that I started freakin out about it all is that last Sunday there was a WT article about your conscience. It had a statement that some have finally confessed their adultery to their mate because their conscience was bothering them. Then I went and started researching things in the WT library at the hall and found all of this info on how you need to confess the sin to the person that you sinned against.
Anyway, I can't say that I ever wanted to tell him about it before that point. It won't do any good if I do tell him. A lot of people may say that he has the right to know and I always thought that I would want to know but really I wouldn't. Esp. if he's not doing it anymore.
So thanks for listening to me and helping me out with this issue.
This post really sums it all up IMO. It speaks to what I referred to earlier, and what I believe is the true crux of the problem, details of the story aside.
There is a big resistance to taking responsibility for your own actions. You "reasoned" that infidelity didn't count if the marriage papers weren't filed yet. What do government forms have to do with your commitment to remain faithful to your husband when you agreed to marry him? What if the forms weren't filed for a year? What if you lived in a country with no formal documents and registrations?
Your conscience doesn't bother you until you read a Watchtower article that tells you that it should? What does a magazine article have to do with you knowing within yourself that you violated someone's trust?
You still think you are going to live with a lie for the rest of your life and foist one on your husband as well and end up with a good relationship? You are not protecting him by not telling him you are just excusing yourself from taking responsibility for yourself once again.
Perhaps you should get reinstated. The JW organization is the perfect place for those who wish to live in delusion, take no responsibility for their own life, and have others tell them what they should think and feel.
Cog
I actually reasoned that it wasn't adultery because I hadn't filed the marriage papers with the county clerk and so I wasn't legally married when I committed the act.
Unconnected with your own situation, but if I was in love with a steady girlfriend and we were living together and she went with someone else I would end the relationship. Being married has nothing to do with it.
Ian
The only thing I can contribute to this is what stood out to me so clearly when you said this:
I do want it to work and I will do what it takes but then I think that it may be easier to let it go, even though it will be difficult. So what do I really want? I don't know.
I added bold. I honestly don't think you love your husband. If it may be easier to let "it" go, then you don't really love him. Thats my opinion.
I don't see the point of trying to have a relationship with a man who is going to be unforgiving if I can't even have a relationship with Jehovah, who is all forgiving. Also, I hate change so moving out will be hard.
"A man who is going to be unforgiving" - OMG you speak of him this way because you've betrayed his entire trust in you? Then the comment about "also I hate change"
Seriously, my opinion is that if you love someone, you don't say "I don't want to leave him because I hate change" you say "I don't want this to be over because he is my world, my life, my best friend.....I can't envisage my life without him". Because you are actually thinking of just giving up on the marriage I don't think you love him.
I'm only saying this because maybe thats the question you should be asking yourself.
Sirona
Hi Sirona,
you say "I don't want this to be over because he is my world, my life, my best friend.....I can't envisage my life without him".
Don't let Gary see the above. He may start to take liberties
Ian
Don't let Gary see the above. He may start to take liberties
Ian, What do you mean "start to"?!!! LOL
Seriously, I think that is how it should be.
Sirona
Seriously, I think that is how it should be.
I'm loving you more and more!
Ian
I didn't mean to say that about you helricha, to make you feel bad about yourself. It's just well, you're so consistent. I am curious how you ended up this way, and why you continue to put your future in the hands of others. It's like you are floating along, letting the consequences determine where you end up.
Like others have said, it must start with self-awareness. When you consider a course of action, you must consider more than the direct consequences to yourself. How will you feel....how will it make others you care about feel? I mean, even amoeba avoid painful situations, and are attracted to light and food. You are more than an amoeba.
I have this final post before I end this nonsense. First of all, if everyone will notice what the title of the topic is. I agree that everyone has their own opinion and I was looking for help with this situation. For all of those who offered their help, I thank you. It was truly helpful and informative.
Now for the rest...I honestly could care less what you THINK about my actions nor about what you would do if you were in my husband's position. Like I said above, each person is entitled to their own opinion and if you feel like giving it then what is your motive? To help or was it really just to say something because like one of you said "I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it any longer". You had the feeling like you needed to say something. Well good for you. In MY OPINION, you have no self control, esp. if you do that on a regular basis. Not that I am saying that I am better than you because I'm not but it's just my opinion.
I do have an interesting opinion as well, which is meant no disrespect. If there are ones on here that are disgusted by the Watchtower society then why do you involve so much of your life in talking about it. What is the point? Just move on with your life and let it go. Certainly there are more things out there to involve your life with. LOL. REALLY.
I could say that I was offended by some of the posts but I wasn't. I was more likely to realize that people in the "world" and including ones who use to love Jehovah can be some of the most hateful people. Regardless of the experiences that each person has had with the truth, the fact remains that we are all imperfect humans and are incapable of being perfect. In MY OPINION, some of you have forgotten that or have failed to acknowledge it purposely.
I took into consideration many of the points that some of the posts brought out concerning the truth. I researched them and looked into them and here is my conclusion: While some things can make you think differently concerning the truth; the fact remains that if you look at the majority of the information and teachings provided by the organization - It is remarkable how it much sense it makes. There may be the few things that don't quite make it for people but in MY OPINION, it is not enough to completely write off this being God's organization. Even if you research the items outside of the society's information, it is quite evident that there is no other religion that makes sense.
I respect each person's right to choose what is best for themselves so I speak no hurtful things about your decisions. I am college educated with a Bachelor's degree and have taken classes on American and World Religion to fulfill my cultural diversity courses. I did not learn about Jehovah or know who he was until I was 19. It took me studying for 5 yrs before I accepted it as the truth. I have struggled living up to his standards and I wonder sometimes how others can do it so easily. I have been disfellowshipped twice (including this time) and I have went through a wide range of emotions from it. From unfairness to hatred to bordering on depression and through it all, I have never written off the truth. I haven't agreed on everything that has happened in the congregation as far as personal matters with families or individuals and certainly I have felt anger about some things. But again, I am human. I have consistenly throughout time since 1997 been aware that this is Jehovah's organization and I will continue to stand by it. I will not let anything that imperfect humans in the truth say, do, or try to do to interfere with that.
I have my special assembly day in the morning and I am certainly looking forward to it. To take the words from many of the brothers in the truth, "Even if there was no hope for the future and no everlasting life in sight, this is the best way to live". I hope that I can make it to the point of reinstatement and make Jehovah's heart glad.
For those of you who were well meaning and helpful, I cannot say enough how much I appreciate your concern and your words that did help. I do respect your decision on how you wish to live your life and wish you well. I can only ask the same from you.
The rest of you, I could really care less. It makes me wonder how you can live your lives without being disgusted each time you look in the mirror. Remember the movie, Shallow Hal? The nurse in the burn unit that in real life was beautiful but when Hal saw her under his trance, she was old and nasty and quite disgusting. Well I can imagine that if I was in Hal's position, that's how you would look. You think of infidelity as a very awful thing but in MY OPINION, how you've acted in turning your back on Jehovah is the most awful thing you can do. Sleep well.
