Dear God:
It's 7am, and I just can't sleep. I wrote a post the other day that mentioned that you play games with people. Without going into any great explanation as to why I said that.. I tried to edit it, but couldn't, so I decided to write this letter. The purpose of this letter is not to draw anyone away from you, but to give an opportunity for you to answer my questions.
You know how your book says that we are all born into sin and the wages of sin is death. Well, when I was a kid I beleived in you, I was honest, and I always tried to do the right thing. I prayed to you, and you never replied back. Heck you wouldn't even show your face! This was your stance regardless, of whether I was good or needed your help. I remember when I was kid, there were shadow ghosts walking about our house, in fact. These things tormented me in my sleep. I asked my father who was the one responsible for there presence if I could sleep in his room, and he sent me to the darkest area of the house, and told me to shut up.
I can say from my own experience that you do not protect anyone, Good or bad. Now I suppose one could say that you are here to test us. I just find that a little strange. Why would you need to test anything, if you already know the beginning and the end of everything. You do know the heart don't you? I mean after all you made it. So whats the testing for? Then you further go on in your little book telling us not to put "YOU" to the test. So let me get this straight. You can test us, who are vulnerable, lost, weak and mortal but we can't test you? Even though you have given us intelligence and curiosity and thrown us into a world where their is nothing but questions and pain. If you ask me that sounds alot like many of the present governments. We must conform to the establishment ( an entity that likes asking questions and receiving info about us), but is most evasive and almost invisible when you ask "IT" questions. Heck I am not even sure who you are. The father, the son, the holy ghost? All three, but not, and parts of you know things that the other parts don't? Seems to me you got the political side of yourself figured out pretty good. Sounds like the ultimate beaurocracy!
Now heres a good question for you Lord. Do you favour some people over others? I guess I'll have to look in your little book again. Oh, look here, you chose a people that you call your own. The Jews. Forgive me for asking, but is there any particular reason for that? Do you prefer curly beards? Do they look good in black? Cmon you can tell me. I thought we were all your children? Hey speaking of favouratism, is there any reason you let Soloman have 700 wives so he could have sex till his balls exploded, but then write down these amazingly contradictory laws for everyone else where adultery is a sin. You wouldn't have someone stoned for that, would you? First you create extremely powerful urges and then when people act on it, you have punishment for them.
Why do you find gays so offensive if you are the one that made them? I am not atracted this way, but I am sure those that are, would not do something of this nature, if they wern't made this way. Why would someone go towards something that they are not attracted to, and face ostracism? I know, I just don't understand the master plan.
Wait a minute though. I guess I'm not the only one. I just discovered that there are over 37,000 demoninations in christianity alone. I think maybe that little book has created just a wee bit of confusion.
I know I shouldn't be judging your wisdom, but what about all those communists, Hindu's Bhuddists etc. who have never, and will never, hear your name? Is it that they arn't favoured, or they just got a bad flip of the coin? I have met guys who want nothing to do with you, that would literally give the shirts off their backs.
I don't mean to make excuses for people Lord, but did you ever think that maybe if someone wasn't born into poverty, or didn't have mental illness, or got a good education, and came from a good family with values, that the concept of evil might take on a new meaning. I mean if I grew up and all I ever saw was killing, destruction etc., well I think it goes without saying, that children learn what they live. Desparate people do desparate things, sick people do sick things. Uneducated people do uneducated things etc.
One more thing, I know how you love everyone, and want no one to be destroyed, so why is it you have prepared a place of everlasting damnation, suffering and eternal cutting off? I mean if I created someting I loved like a little doggy or something and it didn't obey me, I don't think I would start devising methods of torture etc. I am the maker! That makes me the failure. Know what I mean? Heck, we on this earth are very much like a dog without a bone. I don't know what I, or anyone else did to deserve that. I have asked for you to come into my life. No response. I have asked that I could feel your love. No response. I have asked for your protection, No response. I preached your name, and tried to do your will. No response.
I"m not asking for a Cadillac or a million dollars. It seems your the one that needs that, for your ever growing empire of hucksters. I have become despondant towards you. This does not mean however that I have become evil or mean. I reject you, just as much as I reject Satan and evil, so you both lose! You have become relegated to the realm of fantasy or wishful thinking.
Lord, I am being truthful. I am humble enough to retract every single word and beg your forgiveness, if you can only ever answer my questions or give me some assurance that you exist and that you are love. I just can't see love or relationships in a physical world, where there is no physical presence and no communication. If I had a dad I never saw, and every time I called him on the phone with questions, there was nothing but silence, it would not take long for me to see that there is nothing there. Further, If he left me a little book with instructions to love him unconditionally with feirce loyalty and to do his will, after reading that he has a special place of torment for my freinds..... well, need I say more. Our intelligence and time on this earth is short lord, and the suffering is great. If you showed more love, had a clearer message with less suffering, I don't think loving you, would even be a question. I don't condone evil. I hate evil. So take my hand when I pass Lord, if you be there, and share your love and omnipotent wisdom with me.
Your hurting and estranged son.
This is not a call to debate with Christians, but a" what if I'm wrong" letter. I have been researching near death experiences. Many carry validity and similarities. It seems consciousness can survive the physical body. Thats all I know. I mentioned endorphines the other day, creating an experience which can be heaven and hell. Hell scares the shit out of me. What really got me is the flatliners with no brain activity, who could describe what people were saying, what instruments they used in their procedure, and even conversations, way down the hallway. Yikes! Some have even described relatives that they have never met on the other side, and those that have already passed over. Eryns thread on death also got me thinking. I will post a video on Christianity and one on near death.