Funny how life can be.
You chase your dreams, mean well, do your best to live large, and twist life bu the nipples; but there's only so many hours in a day, only so many days in a week, and only 365.25 days in a year.
I realize I'm swamped. I find myself rolling around like a big fat chicken on wheels that has been separated from his head quite suddenly.
I think I have become the victim of my own success.
The more you have, the more maintenance and upkeep you have to procrastinate.
I'm only a man, I can only avoid so much work!
Barely got the boat winterized before the cold, evil fingers of MinneSnowta's dominant season could work their frigid havoc, Boy, I am starting to wonder if I am really 'boat people.' I mean, I don't exactly fit in it very well, I may be thirty pounds down, but I'm still a whole lotta me. Plus, I am thinking I might have been just a tad.... optimistic..... Regarding my own abilities and limitations.
Yeah, the boat's gotta go.
Next year, in the spring, we'll have it gone over, and sell it off.
Never DID get around to fixing up that old VW bug, it smells like the basement of a mouse outhouse, needs more sheet metal replaced than not, and has no engine. Boy, I am starting to think my days as 'hot rod people' are long past. I was gonna this, gonna that, but now it's just another complication I can do without.
Yeah, the bug's gotta go.
Good thing I already had it hauled.
This place of mine is one hell of a place, but we are STILL trying to get it into shape for winter! I've only got so many hours left in my life, I'm not sure everything this joint needs can be done in that time!
Stumps dug, driveway widened, drainage channels dug, rear deck built, ramp, clear brush up the hill, expand parking on top of the hill, untangle the stairs, replace windows, new kitchen floors and cabinets, better exterior lighting, some slabjacking under the garage/addition, the list goes on!
The hell with it!
Yeah, the house's gotta go.
I ain't got friggin CLUE ONE about this one! I'll call in professionals.
I got too goddamn much shit. Boxes of books, memorabilia, gizmos and gadgets, whatsits and whizbangs, things for stuff I was gonna do, or build, or whatever... I got chainsaws I never even used, just bought because I thought we might need 'em. Bikes, bikes, and more bikes. I can't even ride one. Dead scooters, adjustable beds needing repair, clanking piles of metal bit, splintery stacks of wood, buckets of screws, practically a roomful of collectible die-cast and Jim Beam decanter cars, enough firearms to hold off Al Qaeda, and three times the ammo for them to do the job. Tho, I don't have a waterboard yet, j/k.
That's not even mentioning the detritus that accumulates from the PC business!
Y'know, I live to serve, but I have found myself serving things. Junk. Crap.
Yeah, the junk's gotta go.
Life is too short to attach unwarranted value to things which are either beyond their usefulness, or need to be kept and dealt with against some possible future usefulness. By the time I get around to needing some of this stuff, I can just get another with better features, and have it shiny and new!
I guess I've discovered the value of the space this crap occupies and no longer need to 'fill' the space for it to be worth having.
Me an Beck want to tie the knot, we want kids, we want to go and do, not stay and clean.
I guess if I gotta pick between being a complicated fellow, or being a hubby and dad again (and I do), there is just no room for needless complexity.
This goes for my constantly offering to help anyone in any way I can, I still will help out where I can, but I am going to have to learn to stay out of some of these dog and pony shows I find myself tangled up in.
I just can's fix everybody, I can't derail every trainwreck, and I can't rescue everyone if I want to have any of me left for Beck and those desired 2.5 more kids.
I guess I'm just tired. I am who I am, I've been who I've been, and gone where I've gone. God will judge me in the end, and no amount of serving others can wipe out my stain if Jesus doesn't recognize me, and works are not germane to the condition of my heart.
Others can feel free to tilt at windmills, but I'm done.
It's time to simplify, and start concentrating on what REALLY matters, and that's my family with Beck.
About damn time!
RD