Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ?

by flipper 62 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  In seeing a lot of posters threads , I feel I see many people who have been divorced at one time , and either have remarried or have stayed single . I totally understand those who choose to stay single, as I was single for 6 years before I got married again ! As experts say, next to death it's one of the hardest experiences you'll go through ! I was very fortunate that I landed on my feet eventually and found a good woman , and remarried !

  But after my divorce I learned a lot of things about life that I never would have, not going through the experience. Not that I'd wish it on anybody, it's pure hell , however the picture becomes crystal clear in time in many areas of life after a divorce. For one thing, when you are going through it , and shortly thereafter , you immediately see who your real friends are ! Some try to be cordial, but remain distant, not knowing what to say , others tend to take sides, even though most people don't know really what goes on inside the 4 walls of a man and woman's personal life and emotional relationship ! But they act like they do ! That's the irony of it ! So I learned to develop thick emotional skin so to speak , especially in dealing with witnesses view of me after I stopped going and attending meetings. I realized that I knew what I had been through, and that was all that mattered ! I also learned that if I was ever to get into a relationship again, there would be certain personality traits in a woman that I would be looking for next time that weren't there in previous partners ! So , in essence you learn more about yourself and what you want, and the flip side, what you don't want in a companion ! So, it was a valuable learning experience !

  So, what about you folks. You don't have to get too personal if you don't feel comfortable , but I felt it would give us each the opportunity to vent , or release feelings and learning experiences that may benefit others who are going through this or have gone through this ! So I welcome all your comments ! Single, married, in a relationship or not, feel free to express yourself as much as you feel comfortable opening up about ! What have you learned , and how did it help you ? Look forward to hearing from you. Peace out my friends ! Mr. Flipper
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  purplesofa

  This year makes twenty years of being divorced for me.

  I learned that at age 18, I was too young to make a lifelong decision.

  Everything past that is material for a best seller.

  purps
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  IP_SEC

  Not remarried

  What Did You Learn From It ?

  Dont hold things in if they bother you.

  Its not a sign of weakness if you are a man and your feelings get hurt.

  Be there. I can already be distant at times. Internalizing things made me more distant to the point I was never there mentally.
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  Priest73

  Not remarried. Not going to. It was one of the most painful yet eye opening experiences of my life. I've learn a great deal, yet I've never been happier in my life.
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  NewYork44M

  I was a good witness and married at 19. At 50, I am now 3-months divorced. I must say that I am still learning from the experience but here is what I know so far:

  Divorce is very very expensive. But for me it was worth every penny. My only regret is that I did not take make the decision 10 years earlier.

  I hate lawyers and the legal system.

  I like being alone.

  I learned to cook and I love it.

  My adult children and my brother have been very supportive. I have no contact with witnesses, so I have no idea what the think. My guess is that they either don't care, or think I am the worst person in the world.
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  sweetstuff

  Have not remarried, would never do so, unless I lived with the person a good long time first. (You just dont' know until you live with someone, what they are really like.)

  I learned alot! For instance, one person alone cannot make a marriage work, that I am alot stronger than I ever thought I could be, that being single is far superior to being with the wrong person, I like my alone time, I enjoy my space. I think fear of being alone and how I would "make it" as a single mom kept me in an abusive marriage for far too long, add in the brainwashing of being a submissive christian wife and you have a recipe for a woman who is unsure of herself and her ability to stand on her own two feet.

  You cannot "change" anyone, especially if you are dealing with an addiction or life-long behavioral pattern. I also learned to stop caring what other people think about me personally, I remember that was one thing that really bugged me years ago, the idea of leaving made me think of all those people who would just love it and say, "I knew they would never last", etc. My stubborness was my own enemy.

  I wouldn't change a thing though, if I didnt' marry the guy, I wouldn't have my two beautiful girls, yeah, people would say, but you would have had other children perhaps, I wouldn't trade these two, for any others. I have no regrets but focus on learning from the past, for the future.

  Biggest lesson, never settle for less than what you give. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get less than what you settled for.
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  CyrusThePersian

  Lots of people here that are single and loving it.

  Count me in on that group. I've been divorced for many years now and have no intention of getting into another relationship. I guess I'm like an independent businessman, I like being my own boss and not having to account for my every movement in life.

  What have I learned? Not much. Maybe I've learned a little about myself. (see above). I learned a lot about the U.S. legal system. (I knew those old JW suits would come in handy!) I also learned that even though relationships with those you love are tremendously important, there sometimes comes a point when you have to let go, to acknowledge that while you still love that person, you are no longer IN love with that person.

  The bottom line for me, a relationship just isn't worth the effort. I didn't get out of my marriage a tenth, no, not even a hundreth, of what I put into it. So marriage for me is a road once taken, and having taken it, I shall not take it again.

  CyrusThePersian
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  lisavegas420

  I've been married and divorced..married and divorced and married again. (not to the same person)

  I like being married. I've learned that people change. Some for the better some not so much.

  I've learned there are certain things I won't tolerate. There are other things that aren't so important.

  lisa
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  oompa

  15 great years, two incredible boys, wife awol overnight. never got over it. remarried fast. now ive changed.......oompa
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  Finally-Free

  I married at 29 and divorced after 16 1/2 years. I've been alone for the last 4 years and learned that I prefer it this way. I can do what I want, when I want. I can listen to the music I choose and watch what I want on TV without the constant backgound bitching to spoil it all. I don't have someone yelling at me to come to dinner when I'm not hungry. I don't have someone giving me shit for having a peanut butter sandwich before bed. I do my own cooking, and I love it, and I'm good at it. I no longer have to figure out how to tactfully tell a spouse that the chicken she put in front of me (and sometimes our guests) is half raw. Fish too.

  For the first time in my life I can come home to peace and quiet. My home is a haven where no one ever gets in my face, except my bird when he wants some of my dinner.

  W