by jambon1 27 Replies latest jw friends
It was about 3 1/2 years ago that it fell out from under me.
I stepped down as an elder two years after that.
Have been inactive for a year now.
In spite of knowing it wasn't the "truth", I couldn't bring myself to post on JWD( had been lurking for years) or read CoC till this past February.
Not until four months after my disfellowshipping, in the end. I had suspicions and doubts for probably fifteen years prior to that, and that includes pre-baptism. It took years before I could put them into words even in my head, years more to put them into words with other people.
For me the doubts began in 1995 when the core teaching regarding the generation was changed, but like a good JW I supressed those doubts.
About 3 years ago the lightbulb started to shine through the fog.
I am still in.
I still serve as an elder.
With each passing day I see more and more how the organization is destroying lives.
I see how it is destroying good friends and family in different ways all around me.
The little green ones and zeros are now crystal clear.
I have been told that one person can't make a difference. I have been told that you can't change people's minds, so why not just leave?
For now, my choice is to stay - but the mission is clear.
Destroy the Matrix. Free minds.
The Oracle
Like most it wasn't till appointment to a privilege that I realized something was wrong. While pioneering I encountered a tract from a friend that talked about the pyramid doctrines. I became a voracious researcher of the history of the Org. becoming an expert. I decided to view all the Bullsh** as God's intervention and denied the humanity of it all, ie: Rutherford's spritistic bent and Russell's infatuation with the pyramids etc. Also, on a visit to Bethel our tourguide friend showed us the book "Angel's and Women" in the Bethel library and said, "We're not supposed to read this book". Why have it I wondered. Researched that one and wondered what was up. So, baptized at 16, inactive for 11 years, back at 27 pioneer at 28, MS at 30, elder at 32, doubted from 29 forward. Fader at 35. W.Once
I first suspected it strongly after the 1989 Grand Boasting Session when I was basically treated like crap. All the broken promises, rules that were targeted so I would not have a chance to have fulfillment, and excess work loads where they were never satisfied helped. But, it was the April 1 (I believe), 1995 Puketower article blaming Satan for feeling unloved, followed by having that experience non-stop in the Tower, that really sealed their doom for me. Even the Generation issue was just icing on the cake for me.
Past that, I decided that I would waste their time and energy making them think there was some hope for me to go back. I bounced from one congregation to the other, slipping in some skipped meetings for good measure and gradually increasing the ones I skip. I started skipping meetings in which I had a part, and ultimately decided that I was going to quit totally.
This year, if they have the bright idea of hounding me to go back, they are going to see the Christmas wreath on my door, all lit. If they drive around the back of the apartment, they are going to see the Christmas tree, lit up like a Christmas tree. Hopefully they will waste a few phone calls, then waste the gas and time slipping and sliding to the judicial hearing where I will not show up.
baptized at 16, inactive for 11 years, back at 27 pioneer at 28, MS at 30, elder at 32, doubted from 29 forward. Fader at 35.
A resume that says so much about this organization. Nice work on getting out in just six years following your epiphany, bro!
I always had doubts, even before I had gotten baptized. I always opted to "wait on Jehovah" to clear up any doubts and to straighten things out. It wasn't until 6 months ago that quickly was deprogrammed of it all.
I often remember going out to the mens toilets at the kingdom hall and singing the line "oh yes im ,,the great pretender" (Queen), ie being someone that was not me. I hated me back then. I just wanted to be me again, having friends and doing the normal things a young man would do etc. That began in 1993 about 2 years after baptism. Even some months after baptism, i often questioned the societies beliefs, but kept suppressing these thoughts. In fact i was brainwashing myself with my own suppressed thoughts to the point that i would say over and over again that Satan is trying to get at me; or the light is getting brighter...yeah the society gets it wrong, they admitted it and on and on and on it went.
But would have to say that full realisation came in 2001 when i had full access to the internet. That is when i thoroughly realised that the society was just another good old US of A religious organisation. (no offence to my american friends, but that is the way I now see the Watctower org)
