Wife abuse

by purplesofa 42 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  This topic has been discussed here more than you might realize. Topics that have been indexed can be found in the Best of . . . child abuse.

  When I married I told my husband if he ever hit me I would be gone. So he didn't hit me. But he had no problem emotionally and sexually abusing me. And I tolerated it because . . . well he didn't hit me so I should be happy.

  Like you I had the family that the young pioneers would say "When I get married I want a marriage just like yours" They didn't have a clue.

  Elders continually tell women to be in subjection to their husbands; to go home and work harder to make sure he doesn't get angry; to make sure no one finds out - which means don't go to the authorities.

  When I asked my mother if I could come back home (after 3 months of marriage) she told me
  "You made your bed now lie in it". odd counsel since she arranged the marriage for me

  I stayed for 15 years. It took me ten years after the divorce to be in the same room with him (due to the children) without wanting to vomit.

  I'm glad you brought the subject up and thanks for sharing.
• 

  Dorktacular

  Speaking from experience, women can make you want to slap them sometimes. But, a man isn't a man unless he can control himself. Too many men think that beating up people is what makes them a man. That's not the truth. It is a sign of weakness. It takes more strength and self control not to be physically violent. I witnessed a neighbor hitting his wife one time. I saw red. I walked over there and grabbed him by his shirt and I scared the feces out of him. I told him that if he ever was mad enough to hit her, just come over to my house and see if he has the balls to go a round or two with me first. Then, if he kicks my ass, he can go home and finish the job. He didn't go home for two weeks.

  I told my wife that if it ever came down to me hitting her or leaving her, I'd leave her because if she truly wanted to make me mad enough to hit her, there's no longer a need for us to be together. Just my two cents.

  I think that a guy who beats up his wife should get his ass kicked by somebody twice his size and strength and then thrown in jail for a while just so he can see how it feels.
• 

  purplesofa

  she got angry with me and said ….NO wonder XXXXX beats you, you are hard to live with.

  That statement tells volumes of why you didn't want to confront Mom with the real truth
  about the religion, yet you did. You are truly a caring wonderful person. Even Mom
  knows that now, whether she will admit it or not.

  Thanks for noticing.

  I had to wait until I knew that if things did not go well with talking to my mom........ie..being ratted out to the borg by her..........hence I have waited a long year to talk to her. I am safe now from worrying about being DF or DA or anything.

  I will not force the issue, but I know at anytime she might tell the elders of my "apostacy" There is one part of me that says........as I wrote to you.......She is where she deserves to be and the other part that says no one does, not even my mother.

  My moms abuse is another whole story that includes three siblings.......Mommy dearest does not have a thing on her......for years I said my mom was Beyond Bitch.

  I will always know I tried to help her get out of the organization, and if she contacts me I will continue to help her. But knowing she is a snake, I will always watch for her bite.

  purps

  edited to add:

  thanks Lady Lee, I did not know

  This topic has been discussed here more than you might realize. Topics that have been indexed can be found in the Best of . . . child abuse.
• 

  jaguarbass

  Very sad story that you had to spend part of your life being abused.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  she got angry with me and said ….NO wonder XXXXX beats you, you are hard to live with.

  That statement tells volumes of why you didn't want to confront Mom with the real truth
  about the religion, yet you did. You are truly a caring wonderful person. Even Mom
  knows that now, whether she will admit it or not.

  Thanks for noticing.

  I was okay with the first post. I think I got some dust in my eye as I was reading this part, though. [ Sniff, wipe.]

  She is where she deserves to be and the other part that says no one does, not even my mother.

  That is right. Nobody deserves that.

  I sure need to meet you one day. You can show me pictures of your (soon) grandchild.
• 

  minimus

  No one deserves abuse. So sad, Purplesofa.
• 

  LyinEyes

  (((((((((((((Leslie))))))))))))) That was a great post.........excellent in the way you wrote it , I really could feel what you were saying , and I feel angry for you, and I want to shoot that man that did that to you!!!

  When things like this happen ,and you feel there is no real justice, you can just hope for karma to catch 'em on the way out. I am sure he will pay for what he has done to you and the kids,,,,you just might now ever know about it. I am sure he will pay with one day realizing what a piece of crap he was to ya'll.

  When I was a little girl, there were things that happened to me , that made me as a Mother so afraid for my kids, especially my daughter. From the time she was old enough to walk, I taught her ( and my boys) to never, never be a victim. In fact her first name means " female warrior", and she has lived up to that. There is no one that meses with that girl...lol. She is mouthy, sassy and stands up for herself in all walks of her life.

  Some of her female cousins have made very bad choices with their boyfriends and my daughter is at only 14, seeing that , that is not the road to take. She says she would not put up with that kind of treatment. I hope she stays that course and if she doesnt, then I will be there to help her remember the kind of girl she has always been.

  Thru it all Purp, you raised a strong daughter, and good men,,,,,,,that is alot to be proud of. Love ya girl, hugsssss Dede
• 

  purplesofa

  I hope she stays that course and if she doesnt, then I will be there to help her remember the kind of girl she has always been.

  yes, thats essential. Without a support system she could fall prey. As many of us have when JW's come to the door.

  purps
• 

  Gopher

  Leslie,

  It's awesome how you have survived with your dignity and kindness intact. You rose above this terrible treatment to lay a path for your children to rise above it (or in the case of your daughter, not have to deal directly with it).

  You have all the kudos and respect I can muster for making the post you did and sharing your experience.
• 

  flipper

  Purps , I'm so sorry you went through this abuse.My wife and I send our love to you. You sound as if you have come to grips with it, however I agree with you that part of you will have flashbacks now and then. I feel for you. Know that members of this board care deeply !

  My older sister, 58, was married to a hot headed man with a temper for 20 years until she could finally take it no more. This man hit her, raped her repeatedly , hurting her as she tried not to scream too loud at night so as not to scare her kids. Sick bastard he was ! She finally had to have a hysterectomy to save her insides from the damage he did. He was a methamphetamine addict and tried to pull the wool over the elders eyes constantly. Kept telling her he would change and was sorry, so typical. Elders even tried telling her she had to be a better wife ! Jeez, I wonder what they meant by that ? Finally she left him in 1989 and she has suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome , depression, and fybromyalgia ever since. She doubts she will ever marry again, of course I totally understand, anyone would feel that way after that. She just gets by, exists. Please be assured of our love, peace to you Purps, Mr. Flipper & Mrs. Flipper