Update: Last Nights Meeting

by FadingELD 76 Replies latest jw experiences

  • FadingELD
    FadingELD

    Hello Everyone,

    First of all I would like to think everyone for the support I recieved yesterday. I would also like to shed some light on my past, hopefully this does not give it away as to who I might be. My wife and I were both raised as JW, we were both baptized when were fifteen years old. Both of our dads were Elders, the families were always together and considering there was a lack of other kids our age at the KH we naturally gravitated towards each other. By the time we were seventeen our our teenage hormones were at an alltime high and we all know about the pressure of not having sex until you are married. So we rushed into marriage at eighteen and within two months of being married she was pregnant. We had a beutiful set of twins that I would not trade for anything in the world. I have no regrets, but I have counseled many young kids since then to not rush into marriage, because the first few years were extermely difficult on us and our marriage. The interesting thing is because our age difference is not that much between my sons and I, our relationship is as much a best friend/dad type of situation. My wife and I had a great relationship until my sons were dfd, she agreed on the way the Elders handled the situation I did not. My wife is the kinda of person that has the type of blind faith in the organaztion that to me borders on mental illness.

    Before I begin about last nights JC meeting I would like to personally let everyone know that has ever been in one, I am sorry. Typically in life I never look back with any regrets, but I believe it is borderline criminal what I put many people through. I always believed I was doing Jehovahs will and protecting the flock.

    My meeting last night to this point in my life was one of the most difficult situations I have ever been in. First of all two of my best freinds in the KH were on the comittee, our families have shared many dinners, vacations and other social functions together. As in any JC meeting involving possible apostasy the first thing they wanted to know was if I was sharing any of my doubts with any other JW's, I said absoutltely not. They questioned the fact about my copy of C of C and if I will continue to read it. I said yes, I have no plans of putting it down until I am done with it. We discussed the doubts that I had, the one we spent the most time on was about the generation and how the light continues to change on this subject. I told them my grandparents, my parents and now I have spent our entire lives on putting our trust in what I believe the foundation of the JW's. At that moment I made a concience decision in my sons life and my life to have a new beginning. I told them with no regret that I no longer wanted to be recognized as one of Jehovah's Witness and walked out. After I got back to the house I informed my wife of my decision, she broke down I tried to reason with her. She went upstairs, packed a bag and left to her parents house, I have not talked to her since. As far as my sons go, after a talk with them I told them no matter what happens I will be there for them, and for the time please give thier mother some space and time. I will do everything in my power to save my family short of returning to KH.

    P.S. Once again I appreciate everyones support through these difficult times. I do not know how it will all turn out but at least I have this support group and time to get through it.

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    I'm so sorry for your wife's actions. It is a shock for her. She's losing alot right now. Mainly her spiritual bond with you & her status in the congregation.

    You are absolutely doing the right thing with your family & especially your children. Keep spending quality time with them, and do fun things with them. Since they are disfellowshipped, they will see that you aren't with Satan's side. But, don't forget to show your wife continued friendship as much as she will allow. This will help her see that you are not evil.

    Most of all, it is a sense of relief for you to not live a lie. Yes, it's going to be rough at first - as the family goes "what happened." But, you may just end up getting them out too. Don't give up hope.

    Skeeter

  • SnakesInTheTower
    SnakesInTheTower

    wow...fadingELD

    having sat on a JC for apostasy...as one of the executioners... I hate these hypocritical JCs..... in the case I sat on, the person really wanted to be DF I think...because I kept warning him and warning him and warning him..... ok to have doubts..not ok to talk about it to others. He just wanted us to pull the trigger. As far as I know, he is still DF and his wife still in, but has left too with their little girl. I believe they have posted here at one time or another.

    Give your wife some breathing room as you said....time to cool down...but insist she come back after a short time..the more time she spends commiserating with her folks, the less likely you will be able to crack her resolve with the JWs. I hope your wife comes back with a more open mind. You being DA/DF will make family life very very difficult with her if she doesnt at least try to save the marriage. The only unsolicited advice I can give you.... Ask her who did she marry...fadingELD or Watchtower? Who does she love and want to spend her life with?

    Her answers (or lack of one) will tell you all you need to know about your future together.

    SnakesInTheTower (of the "regretting ever serving on JCs" Sheep Class)

  • REBORNAGAIN
    REBORNAGAIN

    What courage! WOW....I am so happy to hear about your courage to stand up for what you felt was right, just and fair. Please be assured that I will be thinking, hoping and praying that things will work out for your whole family. Maybe in time you'll be able to convey to your wife that your decision was based on (among other things) the reality of things you saw and/or heard about that she like everyone else is kept in the dark about.

    God Bless You All!

    LINDA

  • Paralipomenon
    Paralipomenon

    wow, what a bittersweet story. Hopefully your wife just needs some breathing room and will realize that you aren't the devil for not sharing her beliefs. Sounds like you're making the right choices.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Yours was a very determined step. You decided not to hide anything. I think you made the right move.
    You did not do anything to your wife, she decided to turn you in and she decided to pack a bag. You
    are still showing kindness to her in your words to your sons.

    While I am a fader, and do avoid revealing the entire scope of my activity, I don't have DF'ed relatives to
    deal with, certainly not children or adult children. I would support your decisions as ones you felt you
    had to make, no matter which direction you went in, but I think this really was a great step for you as
    you don't have to pretend or be secretive about your sons.

    If it's in your heart, you might offer to go to counseling with the wife or just talk it over and accept her
    back. Even though she's violated a trust, you can help her see that, and she can't really do it twice. She
    might appreciate your stand to help your sons and she might come out of the JW's one day, herself.
    But if you decide that one violation was enough, or if she won't try to work through this, know that you
    were kind and fair. Don't let the words of others (like her, or family, or friends) sting you, but brush it off.

    Thanks for updating us. The folks here love to hear about how things went after someone starts a story.

  • poppers
    poppers

    It's amazing how differences in ideas can have such drastic results in how people treat each other. I'm sorry you are going through this but you have to follow you heart. Your wife, unfortunately, has a heart that is corrupted by someone else's ideas; she hasn't yet learned to think for herself. Thinking for yourself be scary because it removes the comfort of what is believed to be true for the uncertainty of the unknown. Keep coming back here - you are among friends.

  • tijkmo
    tijkmo
    First of all two of my best freinds in the KH were on the comittee, our families have shared many dinners, vacations and other social functions together

    i wrote to the gb about the psychological effect of having friends on a jc...they responded by thanking me for my comments as they would be helpful in making future decisions regarding procedure...

    that was 5 years ago.

    liars....and fools

    so welcome

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Wow. You really stayed focused. These things can get so emotional, having been on the receiving end of such meetings myself.

    Best wishes, and thanks for sharing and hope you'll stay around and pop in here when you want or need to.

  • FadingELD
    FadingELD

    onthewayout,

    I would love to go to a marriage counselor, but you know as well as I do we have beat it into the brains of everyone that is not the answer, the answers are in the Bible, the Watchtower, Awake and ETC. I know her better than anybody she will say the answer will be in Jehovah's word not man.

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