How do I flirt, not acting desperate at the same?

by tsunami_rid3r 30 Replies latest social relationships

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Jgnat, I agree with you. That's what I meant about being friends first. Get to know the PERSON first. Appreciate them for WHO they are not WHAT they are. Good advice!

  • Open mind
    Open mind


    Open Mind - there is a keyword in my sentence...ACT!!!

    DOH!! Gotcha, Sweetface.

    I think I've progressed a little bit since my teenage years, but not a whole lot. I'm probably capable of at least "ACTING" comfortable now. Inside I'm sure I'd still be all butterflys.

    Open Mind

  • sweetface2233
    After spending about ten hours or so with her, you should be able to tell me what her favorite flavour of ice-cream is, her greatest fears, hopes and ambitions. What is her greatest childhood memory? Pet peeves? Talents?

    LOL...I was married for 6 years and I don't think my husband could have answered those questions.

  • trevor

    Women are people. What an amazing thought!

    If the average man treated a women in the way he treated his best male friend he would connect much better.

    Listen to her, be interested in what she says.

    Genuinely enjoy her company and she will know and enjoy yours, but if you are uncomfortable, she will know this too.

    Subtly letting her know that you find her attractive helps but slimy compliments are a complete turn off.

    Avoid showing off, or trying to impress. Let her impress you.

  • tsunami_rid3r

    tsunami_rdr, in all your posts I have never got the sense that you are at all interested in the people you meet. It's more for what they can do for you, isn't it? I think you need a girl-friend. A fine, platonic relationship where you discover a whole bunch of things that the two of you have in common. After spending about ten hours or so with her, you should be able to tell me what her favorite flavour of ice-cream is, her greatest fears, hopes and ambitions. What is her greatest childhood memory? Pet peeves? Talents? I think you first have to acknowledge you are dealing with interesting PEOPLE. THEN we can move on to your other problems with girls. Thats a scary thought. I'm not even aware that I am that way, and now that you've said that may be true when I apply to everyone person I've met. I do have a hard time connecting with people. When it comes to friends, maybe I subconsciously think "how much party will they do with me?" "will they help me get girls?" or in academics "what do I have to do for this prof to get into grad school or get them to let me be a part of the excavation crew". I know it sounds like a selfish attitude, but what can I do if that is just who am I? And that's the problem I don't think there are many interesting people here. I don't like it here. Its quite the culture shock for me. I don't really like most people because they judge. I'm a short guy at 5"2, and so of course the first thing anyone will see is that I'm short no matter how confident I am. Like last night, I was having fun at a party laughing and having a good time, and this girl thats sitting beside me says I'm short in a nice subtle way. Me being short doesn't really help my situation.

  • Homerovah the Almighty
    Homerovah the Almighty

    Good advise so for, I'd might add into that what has been said so far is be kind, considerate and respectful to your self and others, let them know what your true character is

    this will go a long way in letting the girls know what kind of person you are.

    Girls also like guys that have a fun attitude and personality.......make them laugh and make them smile

  • tsunami_rid3r

    Alright back to this issue again. At work, I open the store with this girl. She is really easy to talk to and not to mention easy on the eyes. I think she likes opening with me because the boss has told me that this girl feels comfortable with me. I have no problem smiling at her and making eye contact with her, and we have fun at work. I have found myself to be completely honest with her and open on issues as far as relationships and family. She seems honest and open towards me also, except she has only lied to me once, which she did call herself out on it, and this was on drug use. Now recently she has broken up with her boyfriend twice, 1st temporarily and the 2nd being permanent. He still comes by the store, trying to work things out, but she told me she doesn't want to and is now looking for someone new. I'm trying to think of how I can go about this. She knows I was in a relationship a month and a half ago. I know she is taking a class of my major this semester, which I have already taken. I am also taking another class this semester of which we share the same professor, just in different classes. We do work together for 7 hours, and I'm not sure if we should see each other more. I know I am attracted to her sexually, but I'm not sure if she is attracted to me sexually. Occasionally I will get subtle touches from her, but not often. I can't get her out of my mind. I need to do something.

  • VoidEater

    but what can I do if that is just who am I?

    You might try self-awareness courses or workshops. Look into "consciousness raising" meetings. Join a club that focuses on a hobby or activity, and let the relationships come out of a natural setting, rather than trying to "make something happen".

    If you are satisfied with the way things are/who you are, then that's ok, too. But if you want to become more interesting, become more interested. Talk less, listen more.

    Compliment others on what you notice about them in a non-threatening way (e.g., don't tell her she's got nice ones, tell her that her blouse sets off her eyes). If you don't see this kind of thing, start people watching - go to a mall or student cafeteria and just watch people, what they do, how they dress, listen to what they say to each other and how others react to what is said. Become a student of people.

    Treat people as honored guests.

    As you already suspect, it's not a good idea to date co-workers. It can work out, but often does not. It's usually best to avoid grief.

    The essence of flirting is not needing anything from the other person - rather, flirting is giving them attention.

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    read this. In a nutshell(hey play on words)Its about effective behavior when communicating to women and creating sexual tension.
    Mode one
    Dont know if you saw the pick up artist here is Mysteries book.
    venusian arts

  • Mincan

    Enjoy it, and show that you are enjoying it.

Share this