I did the slow fade.
In retrospect, I should of had the courage to just stop and let the chips fall where they may. The slow fade did not really help me with anything, the only thing it did was to take 10 years off my life.
do not understand "slow" fade, "controlled" fade, why not just stop quickly
by oompa 20 Replies latest jw friends
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WTWizard
Besides family ties, one big reason to do a slow fade is to waste the hounders' time and energy. They will probably have more sleepless nights and very poor night's sleeps worrying about whatever happened to someone who fades for several years, since they will get false hope each time the person goes to another meeting. And then they will be wondering longer once the meetings stop and the service slips stop coming in. They will think the person will be back eventually, only to realize that eventually never comes. And by the time they finally do get around to contacting you, it could be too late.
Go ahead and waste their time and energy. If they have nothing better to do than worry about your meeting attendance, I think it's pathetic.
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Enjoying freedom
I was a sudden drop out - had been brought up as a JW - was unhappy about the religion for a few years.
My mum and dad had left approx 18 months earlier - one day at a circuit assembly I decided that was the last meeting I was ever going to.
Mentioned the fact to my husband outside the assembly hall during the session, and never went back in (except afterwards to get my bag and coat!).
Never been back!
I did have a call from two elders - but I told them that if living forever in "Paradise" meant having to stick their association I would rather go without Paradise. I think it sort of told them!
Then when my brother in law elder came round a while later I made sure I was out putting up the christmas lights! Fantastic feeling!
Never been DFd though - can't imagine why. I am quite vociferous in my outspoken hatred of the divisive cult!
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changeling
I think I'm going to save my answer to this question somewhere and just click a button when it get's asked again.
Everybody is different. We have different personalities and different circumstances. We all get out in our own way in our own time.
changeling
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sweetstuff
I agree with changeling, to each his or her own. What works for one, doesn't always work for another.
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avidbiblereader
Not to knock what anyone does, but I guess what works for one will not work for another and visa versa, however to me it comes down to fooling.
Who are we trying to fool or who really is being fooled? Others or ourselves?
abr
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LennyinBluemont
As all of the above posters have stated, it is different for each of us. Lenny told me he wasn't going to attend anymore meetings the week of the co visit, right in the middle of all the activity. I was blindsighted by his action. I knew he was having a hard time, since he had resigned as an elder but never thought he would stop going. My attendance was pretty good at first because of friends that told me I must continue so he would come back! Then, I started to look around at everything going on at the meetings. Lenny was in a fog for a while until he read Ray's book. It opened his eyes. He couldn't keep from sharing with me the wonder things he learned that exposed the wt. I really didn't want to hear all of it at that time. He would slip small tidbits into our conversations. We moved to a new home in the country & from all my associates so it was easy to miss meetings. The meetings were on different days & at different times than my old cong. The drive time was further than before, I am older & don't like to drive at night. I didn't know but a few people & they weren't that friendly (there's strangeness in the country.) I even changed to a cong closer to my home & in the same circuit as my former cong to try to make it work. I began to wake up to what my loving Lenny, was telling me. Guess I am a slow learner. Going to meeting was not helping the marriage it was beginning to destroy it. Since, we have no family jw's, I told a few close ones that I was not going to come back to meetings. The elders did not bother me. Instead they went after Lenny. Since, he had been an elder & requested speaker they wanted to take him down. As for me, his wife a former pioneer & member for over 34 years, it did not make a difference that I was not coming back. It is almost a year & a half that I haven't gone back. So, the fade worked for me. Lenny quit flat out. We will celebrate our 35th year of marriage next year in May. We kept the marriage together & did away with cult. Karen in Bluemont, Lenny's wife
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Hortensia
oompa, it seems to me, and I read your post a couple of times, that what you described was a slow fade - you can't understand why others do a slow fade, but that's what you did yourself. And you are still contributing to the org. (money, I assume?) Mixed message.
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educ8self
Other people will have much better input as I just walked away one day after almost 100% meeting attendance, but in reading this I did remember I walked into the hall one morning after a service meeting and handed the CO a letter - couldn't even remember what it said but it was a criticism. It wasn't about how I was going to leave though, I didn't even know that until the moment it happend.
I want to throw a different angle on this though, which is that you don't want to actually fade, but your participation in the organization does. Since depression IS an issue, lets say the goal is to let that messed up, neurotic false "you" fade - but let the real you grow. As a brother I knew from a convention used to say all the time, keep your spirits up. And of course this forum can help with that, but do whatever you have to.
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educ8self
I don't know why but I just feel like emphasizing that even if you are still going to meetings and stuff, nobody can control what's inside of you - so you can be free from it there. The JWs may characterize it as leading a double life of sorts, and in a sense it is - you have your outer life, some times that involves doing some witness stuff still, and you have your inner life - that can be 100% yours, all the time.