to all who were DF'd

by somebody 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • somebody


    I haven't read the "Magazine Conscious?" post but I'll look for it now.

    That would make you popular with your neighbors and coworkers, wouldn't it?


    If they would make the covers on the mags better, it might. They could put pictures of sexy men or women on them and they'd make alot more money. But then again, that would make JWs popular with neighbors and co-workers and then they wouldn't be able to claim that they are persecuted anymore! So that explains the dorky mag covers anyway.

    I have been DF'd for 25 years and have never been approached by any elder about returning. I hope they think I dropped off the face of the earth!

    Guess your elders didn't have taking care of the flock on their minds for 25 years!

    Thanks for the info.


    It's been a long day and so..

    Goodnight and sleep tight ya'll !

  • Richie

    I was d'fed 1 1/2 years ago. The elders came by once but I didn't let them in the house. I saw them coming but I did not feel at the time I could speak with them, as I knew that they felt obliged to follow a set of norms by asking me questions according to their standard procedures, i.e. not so much from their hearts but more as a JW-ritual if you know what I mean. A while ago I was so turned off at how my own flesh-and blood daughter rejected me from seeing her and her 16 month-old son. She did not think it right that I had the nerve to visit her (even occasionally). I reminded her that I was her father and the grandfather of her son (my first grandson) and that her reaction was actually quite repulsive to say the least! Anyways, I was so disgusted by it all, that I just hung up on her and have not spoken to her back since.
    I even contemplate going back to the meetings now (where she and her husband attend as well) and make it a point to ignore them completely during the meetings and leave the meetings during the last prayer making sure that I would never look at them. I feel so absurd and hurt to the bone that my own daughter could impose restrictions on her father in that way!!
    As an ex-elder I now realize that the Borg is so incredibly similar to the Pharisaical system where rules and stipulations reign over the loving applications of scripture in so many ways. You tell me what's the difference in the "hellfire" doctrine compared to the disfellowshipping doctrine? God "punishes" you for making one mistake forever in both instances... Think about it!! There is no biblical support for such drastic measures, except of course in the case of a truly violent, immoral and dangerous person who in that case should be cast off, but even then only for a while until that person comes to his senses. Even the prodigal son suddenly returned to his father's home and he was accepted immediately.
    The love shown by Witnesses cannot be a deeprooted love, but a love born out of fear that someone could be expelled from the congregation at some future time if one does not tow the line exactly the way that the Borg directs it.... Yes, if a flower has a red color and the watchtower says it is yellow, then you must believe it's yellow! I go even further: if the bible says "yes" and the watchtower says "no", then you must believe the watchtower first and not the bible....
    So insidious and ensnaring...

    Richie :*)

    You are the music as long as the music last...............

  • jayhawk1

    I am so sorry for you. I hate to hear that your own daughter won't speak to you because of a stupid policy. My mother was almost disfellowshiped a little over a year ago. She was afraid I would not talk to her. The elders "spared her" because of my father's very recent death. The thought I would need her to help me grieve. Oh how thoughtful of them.[8>] Little did she know, I was making plans to never return to the Kingdomhall ever again. Now her and I are happy we have left for good.

    I only hope the Jehovah's Witnesses will receive some of their new light and see how hurtful their policy is. May they all be damned for spiltting up families.

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • Haereticus


    I was DF'd about 30 years ago and roughly 8 years ago an elder phoned me twice and told that there is a campaign going on to contact people like me. He brought up the fact that I had married and had two kids and so on so forth. All the years since my chilghood this very elder ignored me and it was still obvious when I returned from prison refusing army service. After more than two years time one would have appreciated even one slightly warm word. The campaing must be true because this elder had guts to contact me.

    I am still DF'd and in wiev of recent incident glad not being collectively and secretly represented in UN.

  • safe4kids

    (((Gwen))) How are ya?? Hope all is well with you....

    I was raised a witness, baptized the summer before my 14th bday...df'd at 20. I think I missed maybe 2 meetings while I was trying to be reinstated and finally attained that 'status' 9 months after my df'ing. The elders didn't approach me; I went to them. I got married during that period (can ya guess what i was df'd for?? ) forward about 10 or 11 years, when I da'd myself...haven't heard a peep out of the elders! They were glad to see me go cuz I'm a trouble-maker, doncha know.

    That's pretty much it in a nut-shell, hope it helps!

    Love ya,

    "...I'd walk with my people if I could find them..."

    Third Eye Blind, Deep Inside of You

  • somebody

    Hi Dana,

    They were glad to see me go cuz I'm a trouble-maker, doncha know.

    lol. Your congregation lost a very special person. I'm glad you left! The society seems to lose all those who have REAL love and concern for their fellow humans.

    Thank you all for your input. You all did help.


  • nelly136

    I have a letter kicking around somewhere that I was given by an elder
    before I moved, it asked me if I wanted to return and gave me the procedures for doing so, it also likened me to contaminated dough or something cant remember the scriptures now there were loads of them.
    Prior to that the only visit from the elders I'd had was after the foot peddlars had been round and I'd used my normal 'I'm dfd' to get rid of them, shortly after theyd left a couple of elders turned up on my doorstep to ask if I was interested in returning,
    Since living here I've had no visits from jws that I know of(less theyve called while I'm out)

  • nelly136

    dug it out

    Congregation of Jehovahs Witnesses
    Address etc
    registered charity No 1067209
    please reply to:- etc

    24 december 1999

    To:- maiden name
    Private and Confidential (yeah right)

    Dear Mrs...
    On behalf of the xxxCongregation Body of Elders, we are writing to you just as a reminder about the truth in which we understood you once shared, and the way back should you wish to avail yourself of it.

    Each year we consider those in our territory who may have been seperated as a consequence of the application of the principles in
    1 Corrinthians 5:1-13, and whether they may benefit as a reminder as to the way Jehovah wishes for us to imitate his mercy.This arrangement was explained in a Watchtower of 15th April 1991 in an article entitled "Will You Imitate God's Mercy?", based around the scriptures in Isaiah 1:16. 17; 55:6,7., Luke 15:4-10 and 15:11-32

    We have tried to call on you personally many times, but have not been able to make contact, and so we are writing this brief note to say that if you would like a copy of the article, or you wish to make an appointment to meet with us, please feel free to write, or call either xxxx or xxx
    yours sincerely

    signed by presiding overseer and secretary


  • somebody

    Thanks, nelly!

    That letter is amazing. I'll look up all the scriptures in the letter today and get back to you with my thoughts. I can't help but laugh at the "Will You Imitate God's Mercy" bit though.

    Haereticus lived for about 21 years without hearing anything at all from the elders. Once they started a campain which was probably ordered by the society, he suddenley heard from them. Really now, where were they when he needed to hear as much as a warm word? And I find it odd that the end is supposedly "soon" and elders are told only visit Df'd ones once a year. And if they do that much, it's because they are TOLD to by the society! Not because they care. If the society really cared about it's followers' lives, then it would tell it's members that hey, the end is near.....forget about placing liturature and collecting money.....get out there and save all those who were handed over to satan by the elders....get out there and save them now while there is still time!

    Thank you again for the letter. It's a keeper!


  • Cygnus

    Here is part of a letter I wrote concerning my disfellowshipping and my appeal. As some will notice, I totally copied from DocBob's letter at the end. :D

    The purpose of this letter is to clarify certain matters and to secure and protect what I consider basic human rights in dealing with agents of the multinational, multi-billion dollar Watchtower corporations.

    I have not attended religious services at the South Cheektowaga Congregation or with any Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses in 33 months. I have not attended any meetings of Jehovah's Witnesses, I have not reported any field activity in that time, I have not attended a Memorial observance, a Witness funeral, a Witness wedding, or any function the Jehovah's Witnesses organization whatsoever. I am completely unaware that I have had any measure of contact with any aspect of the organization. My only association with any Jehovah's Witness has been in conjunction with social affairs arranged by my wife in my own home, or those of which both my wife and I have been invited by Jehovah's Witnesses to attend. I have not pursued any association with any baptized Jehovah's Witness other than my wife's own family.

    I fail to see how my choice to associate with a person who has been disfellowshiped from the South Cheektowaga Congregation has any negative bearing on the Congregation at all, considering my state of inactivity. This was never fully or lucidly explained to me by the Judicial Committee. It has been my motive to not cause any divisions in the Congregation, to not disrupt the Congregation, and indeed no Jehovah's Witness has approached me with any concerns regarding my association with a disfellowshiped person. I do not understand why the Committee feels my activity is so significant that in the nearly three years after I have last advertised myself as a Jehovah's Witness they feel the need to disfellowship me. I can only assume that it is because they are more concerned about how the Congregation perceives them to be "doing their job." I do not consider that to be a fair and just motive for the action taken upon me, considering my state of inactivity.

    Concerning such inactivity, the Watchtower Society has published certain guidelines that I believe the elders in the initial judicial committee have either failed to comprehend, or have decided to wholly ignore.

    For instance, pg. 100 of the book Pay Attention to Yourselves and to the Flock states regarding judicial activity:

    "Depending upon length of inactivity… elders may determine to hold the matter in abeyance."

    Further, the Watchtower of 9/1/87, pg. 14, gives a hypothetical situation to be used as guidance in such matters:

    "If Mary had reported first to the body of elders, they would have been faced with a similar decision. How would they handle confidential information coming into their possession? They would have had to make a decision based on what they felt Jehovah and his Word required of them as shepherds of the flock. If the report involved a baptized Christian who was actively associated with the congregation, they would have had to weigh the evidence as did Mary in determining if they should proceed further. If they decided that there was a strong possibility that a condition of "leaven" existed in the congregation, they might have chosen to assign a judicial committee to look into the matter. (Galatians 5:9, 10) If the one under suspicion had, in effect, resigned from being a member, not having attended any meetings for some time and not identifying herself as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, they might choose to let the matter rest until such time as she did begin to identify herself again as a Witness."

    Finally, the official Public Relations website for Jehovah's Witnesses states:

    "Those who simply cease to be involved in the faith are not shunned." (URL:

    It is my contention that an appeal committee be formed and that they would take into consideration the evidence I have provided for my lack of association with the South Cheektowaga Congregation and Jehovah's Witnesses in general save for my wife's immediate family, with whom I have engaged in no "spiritual association" whatsoever. I did not meet with the original committee, nor am I meeting with the appeal committee because I recognize their authority. My meeting with them was merely to determine their intent and to graciously answer their inquiry. I do not believe the original committee took such matters into consideration with due comprehension or appreciation. If necessary, I will write to the Branch office having jurisdiction over the South Cheektowaga Congregation for clarification of these matters. I am quite confident that they will advise you elders to let my matter rest and rescind your initial verdict, since their directives state that it is not mandatory to disfellowship someone with my circumstances. You will be acting personally and electively, and on your own with no assistance from the organization.

    In reply to this letter, I request the following information be presented to me.

    1. I shall be notified in writing of the time, place and exact nature of any meetings with the appeal committee.

    2. Before I will meet with the appeal committee, that committee must notify me in writing of the names and current addresses of all of the members of the appeal committee and who each one represents: the South Cheektowaga Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal corporation the South Cheektowaga Company of Jehovah's Witnesses, the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal corporations, the Watchtower Bible and Tract
    Society of New York, Inc. the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania, Inc., the International Bible Students Association or any other agency not here named.

    3. I shall be notified in writing exactly on whose behalf the appeal committee is being convened and is acting: the South Cheektowaga Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal corporation the South Cheektowaga Company of Jehovah's Witnesses, the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal corporations, the Watchtower
    Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc. the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania, Inc., the International Bible Students Association or any other agency not here named.

    4. If any other agency other than the one for whom the appeal committee has informed me they are acting for is consulted, reported to, or allowed to have any bearing on the outcome of the judicial process, I will consider the
    appeal committee as acting in the their behalf.

    5. I shall be notified in writing of any accusations against me, the names of persons making such accusations and the substance of any evidence against me.

    6. I shall be notified in writing of any and all of my rights and responsibilities involved in the appeal process.

    7. I shall be given sufficient time between notification of any meetings with an appeal committee and the time of the actual meeting.

    8. There shall be no contact between the judicial committee and the appeal committee other than to inform them of the time and place of my meetings with them. If I determine that there is any contact, communication or attempt on the part of any of the members of the original judicial committee or anyone acting on their behalf to, in any way prejudice or sway the appeal committee, I will insist that a new appeal committee be formed.

    9. I shall be allowed to have one person of my choice present during all meetings between me and the appeal committee as an observer. Since I think there is good reason to believe that the appeal committee may consult with one or more lawyers, specifically those employed by the Legal Department of Watchtower Bible and Tract
    Society of New York, Incorporated, the person of my choice may also be a lawyer.

    10. During the meetings with the appeal committee I and/or my observer will be allowed to take whatever notes we feel are necessary.

    Additionally, if the appeal committee upholds the original judicial committee's verdict against me:

    11. I will not recognize any action taken by the judicial committee or the appeal committee as valid unless it is
    communicated to me in writing, stating the exact nature and reason for the action.

    12. In this written communication the judicial/appeal committee must state exactly on whose behalf they have taken the action, specifically the South Cheektowaga Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal corporation the South Cheektowaga Company of Jehovah's Witnesses, the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses or its legal
    corporations, the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc. the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania, Inc., the International Bible Students Association or any other agency not here named.

    13. If the judicial/appeal committee has stated that it is acting only for the South Cheektowaga Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, it is enjoined from notifying any agency outside the congregation of their action. If the judicial/appeal committee or anyone acting in their behalf notifies of reports to anyone outside the South Cheektowaga Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, I may take any appropriate legal action.

    14. I understand that if the initial verdict of disfellowshipping is upheld by the appeal committee that I am, at that
    point, no longer considered to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I also understand that it is necessary to make a brief announcement that I have been formally dismissed from membership in the South Cheektowaga Congregation. From then on, I will consider any attempt to convince anyone by speeches, talks or teaching; to coerce by implied or actual threat of similar judicial action; or to encourage by private counsel or suggestion any of Jehovah's Witnesses to treat me differently from any other person that is not one of Jehovah's Witnesses to be a serious violation of my civil rights and I may initiate any legal action, civil or criminal that I deem appropriate. This includes any attempt to convince by speeches, talks or teaching; to coerce by implied or actual threat of similar judicial action; or to encourage by private counsel or suggestion any present Jehovah's Witnesses to shun or avoid me, cease or otherwise modify their doing business with me, or terminate or otherwise abrogate any lease, rental, mortgage, or any other legal agreement that I may presently have with them. I may consider such to be an infringement of free trade and may initiate appropriate legal action.

    15. I consider any communication between the members of the judicial committee and myself and the appeal committee and myself to be ecclesiastically privileged. Any attempt to reveal the substance or tone of those communications to any other person or group will be considered by me to be a breach of that privilege and may
    result in legal action. This includes any announcements beyond the fact of my disfellowshipping, speeches, talks, or any other communication, written or oral, public or private.

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