who have you murdered? my life is over again

by coaster 31 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  LearningToFly

  (((Hugs Coaster))) I feel your hurt and wish I had a magic wand to fix it. Talking and sharing is so important, to vent and be heard. Here is a good place, as there is much support. It was suggested to me by my therapist when I was feeling at my lowest, to think of something I loved doing, something that brought me joy, and either do it myself or volunteer in a setting that would do this for me. It wasnt a fix all, but it helped take me away from myself and thoughts, and made me feel usefull and appreciated, and not alone.

  LTF
• 

  choosing life

  Sorry your going through the shakes from meds. I have been there before. They can make you feel subhuman.

  As for leaving the borg and moving on, maybe you need to take it a little slower. There may be a way to avoid the loss of family. I know I used to think about it constantly. Now, not quite as much. I have heard many on this board say they wish they would have taken their withdrawal from the borg a little slower.

  In any case, try to enjoy the beautiful setting you are in. Go out in your boat, fish or just read a book that is totally unrelated to religious thought. Most of the things we fear never happen. And if they do, we seem to find our way through. Just keep telling your family that you love them. Forget about the truth about the truth for a while.
• 

  lawrence

  Coaster-

  The reason the GB couldn't answer your questions is simple. They don't have a friggin clue. They couldn't answer ANY of our questions! They're full of crap. With a map and 2 hands, not one of them could find their asses, never mind lead people into a Kingdom. Go for a boat ride and enjoy the nature.
• 

  DJK

  Coaster, forgive me for being a suspicious person. I have read your post a few times already and I have to ask this. Have you done something we are unaware of?
• 

  bebu

  who have you murdered?

  Is this supposed to be a provocative question? It is confusing...

  Coaster, things can rush all at once and overwhelm you, and make you think it is all hopeless. Don't trust your emotions right now. Hope for the future is out there, even when the moment is dark. This is the experience that members here attest to. The future is full of possibilities, and many of them are beautiful.

  Keep your integrity as you make your choices. I believe God honors that, even if you don't think He's involved.

  bebu
• 

  RollerDave

  Hey Coaster,

  I'm sorry you are going through this, its ugly, but sometimes reality IS.

  I am hoping your post title is a reference to the fact that as a 4th gen zombie, you are the fruitage of a tree grown on the fertilizer of WTS teachings and beliefs, pun intended.

  By leaving the WTS belief system, you are effectively leaving behind your entire family, it's as if you are 'dead' to them.

  As if you are 'murdering yourself' in their eyes.

  I've been on meds. It sucks. Those damn psyche bastards try one med, then another, and you wind up with a broken heart pumping a Molotov cocktail of tranquilizers, mood stabilizers, and god know what else.

  Reality seems dulled and time means nothing inside the haze of the drug-fog.

  But coaster, We mustn't make the mistake of thinking that just because we feel something, feel it to the core of our being; That it must therefore be reality.

  Your life is not 'over,' it's just changing. People's lives have experienced upheaval since the dawn of time and it is unlikely to end any time soon.

  Coaster, you are going to be OK. You'll marshal your forces, get back into the fray, and fight to keep as much of your old life as you value, fight to be free of the chains you were born in, and fight to build a new life around what you have left to you.

  Nobody gets to where they can have a cottage on the coast without knowing how the game is played, so you know that you have to play the hand you are dealt, not the hand you WISH you were dealt, but I bet you have some good cards. Play 'em close to your chest, buddy. You'll be fine.

  Then one day, you'll come visit ol' roller and tip back a beer over tales of how we got out of the cult.

  It's too good, Roller and Coaster, they had their ups and downs! ROFL

  So, you hang in there buddy, and don't do nothing stupid, K?

  Roller
• 

  changeling

  I'm actually mad at you for the disgusting post you made on dedalus's thread. But I can see you are having a bad day. Please don't do anything stupid. If you are drinking, stop, it sounds like it does not agree with you. And perhaps you should call your doctor, it sounds like you need more help than what we can offer here.

  changeling
• 

  monophonic

  sorry to hear the shit you're in.

  change doctors if he sucks...some doctors are arrogant bastards. is it a psychiatrist who is prescribing your meds? i have a psych who prescribes, i let me doc know what i'm taking adn then talk to my therapist every week.

  one of the huge changes in leaving is the social change, having 100's/1000's of "friends", down to 0 when the shit hits the fan. i faded, didn't do anything wrong, but the minute my friends found out i was missing meetings and i grew an evil goatee, it was all over, i was a hired hitman for satan or something.

  the shit hit the fan for me when i realized not one of them were my friends for a second if i wasn't active....even people who i had just stood up for in their weddings.

  it's hard to build trust again.

  i took acting classes, writing classes, stand up comedy classes and made friends there, then i started working volunteer at a radio station, all stuff i was totally interested in with good hearted people who the wtbts has drilled into us all our lives that they're selfish/godless/worldly/"them", but in reality they are the ones that wouldn't drop me if i decided acting wasn't for me or if i stopped volunteering for radio.

  it's so fucked up, my thoughts are with you.
• 

  coaster

  thank you all for your kind thoughts. There really is value in this site. I have survived a very difficult week, and yes as you can tell from some of my posts I am pretty unstable right now. someone said they were going to post a series on married mixed breed as in wife still diehard, and me emerging.

  I would really like some input on meeting attendence. Do I go occasionally to see a very few old friends, and to be with my wife? Just how does this FADE thing go anyway? Of course If I am branded apostate, like so many of my dear friends have done, I think I'm like marked. also will my well established mental/emotional problems force elders to back off. I am not ashamed of anything I have said or done regarding JW"S.
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  coaster

  I do not know how I got on this murder thing in the subject line. I have not killed anyone, nor do I intend to. man was I having a bad time, Crying and clicking a rental computer at my local indie coffe bistro.

  coaster