I'm not sure I ever really posted my story. I think I've given bit's and pieces on others threads but not the whole thing on my own thread. The issue that another member is having with childcare and yet another poster asking me why I'm still here after being out for 24 years has prompted me to type this up.
So here goes:
I was born a poor black child (sorry just kidding)
My parent's became JW's when I was an infant, I have 5 siblings older than me and 1 younger. My dad was an elder and mom was a strict JW (when it was convienent for her). My mother never really liked me, she favored the boys for some reason and I never really felt "loved" by her. I think she tolerated me because she had to, I know she never "liked" me and now I'm ok with that.
For a long time I tried to gain her approval, I'm talking very young like 8 or 9 years old. I tried to be the good little girl, make mommy proud of me. I joined the KM school, and started selling mags/books in the d2d "service". I hated it, I would literally get sick to my stomach every time I saw my name on the board to give a talk or ring a doorbell. Well that got old very quickly because still I couldn't make mommy proud of me. So I gave up
At this point I decided that I would do everything in my power to prove I wasn't a JW and would never be. I met my first non-jw friend in kindergarten (5 years old), I never told my parents because that was a no no, so I kept her my secret, we are still friends today. When I was 13 (I had to ask my mom how old I was, she'd probably still wondering why I called her for that today) my dad told me that either I had to get baptized and dedicate my life to Jehovah or find somewhere else to live. So, I got dunked.
By the time I was 14 I had my first JC for smoking. I denied it and they believed it. I had many JC's and always lied my way out of it. It was so amazing, I remember thinking these idiots are supposed to be guided by holy spirit? What a joke. I would cry and either say that whoever told that was lieing on me, or I'd cry and say I was sorry and I'd never do it again. I was on private reproof many times! I know I was my parent's worst nightmare, I'd stay out late, smoke weed, had sex (15), all the things they didn't want me to do, I did it.
I had a total of 3 friends that were JW and all three were just as bad as me, but they were the upstanding JW kids and I was "the one bringing them down", you know bad association, blah, blah, blah. I got pregnant with my oldest son when I was 17, you got it, another JC. This time I was fed up and would not answer any questions, no crying just sat there and listenend to them ask all kinds of personal questions. My dad yanked my butt out of there and told me that if I didn't show some repentance and they df'd me I was out of the house that night!
Yup, I cried and said sorry! They put me on public reproof. It was then that I started making my plans to leave. If my parents could put me out while I was pregnant, I knew having a newborn baby would be no exception and I had no plans to continue to go to the meetings. I knew that if I wanted to be independant and not live by their rules, I could not accept any help from them because it always came with conditions.
So I started to plan with my best friend (from kindergarten, we'll call her S). S was also pregnant, I went and talked to her parents and told them my situation and they said that I could live with them but not until I was 18, they wouldn't charge me rent, I'd have to share a room with S and her baby, but I could stay until I got on my feet!
I had my son and 2 days later I turned 18, the night before I started packing my and the baby's things and my parents went nuts. Just stay we won't make you go to the hall, we won't kick you out, but I wasn't hearing any of it, I'd had enough. I moved my things and went to social services the next morning and got on assistance, at that time they had a program that mothers could get free day care and help with school. So that's what I did and as soon as I finished my first semester in nursing school I was able to work in the hospital as a nurses aid and secretaryon the mother infant unit at night, S would watch my son at night (what a friend) and I'd pick up both kids from the day care when I got out of school each day and keep them until she got home.
My son's father left when he found out I was pregnant, I really didn't expect him to stay around for me but I thought he'd be a father to his son but I was wrong. Never got so much as a pack of diapers from him, I didn't ask for anyting either. I met my husband when my son was 2 months, we started dating and he adopted my son and gave him his name, he's truely a good man. We got married 3 years later.
I stayed with S and her family for 1 year, saved like a mad woman and then me and S got our own 2 bedroom apartment. It was very hard financially and emotionally and I would not have been able to do this without her nor would she without me and I think this is why we are so close to this very day.
After I left, my parents decided that they would shun me because that was the loving thing to do and of course it would make me come back and do things their way. But I really didn't care, I wanted no part of it so I stuck to my guns. Eventually they wanted to see the baby, so I'd take him by but never leave him there, I didn't trust them. When my husband and I got married we planned a small wedding with a justice of the peace, invited family but none of them came, shunning at it's best. But it was ok because the people that really cared about us were there.
I'm gonna say this one last thing then stop, because you are probably tired of reading about "me".
At some point I got soft and started allowing my son to stay over night with my parents. If there is one thing I could change it would be this. Their influence on him has had terrible consequences for my now adult son. They filled his little head with all sorts of bad thing about my husband and I, told him that he was gonna die because of us, and the straw that broke the camel's back was when mom told him that my husband was not his dad.........
nj