How do you respond to JW family?

by Laika 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper

    Well- sometimes I have to be careful depending on WHICH relative I'm talking to. With most of my older aged JW relatives I don't even bother because I know they won't listen- but with my older JW mom- she will listen.

    So what I do with her is for example if she brings up , " Oh we know it's getting worse and worse in the world look at all the things happening in the news ..... " Then I will tell her , " but mom don't you know that terrible things have been happening for centuries ? " Then I continue, " in the 1800's hundreds of Native American Indians were massacred by the American armies and cavalry and thousands died in the American Civil war in 1862 to 1865 ! " Then I proceed to tell her about the Dark ages, the Inquisitions and any other tragedies of history that have happened over the thousands of years of histories. Then she stops with the , " things are so much worse now in these last days " bit. She has even admitted to me, " well you are right, many bad things have always happened throughout history. " Because JW's can't deny it . It's true. So that's one tactic that works for me.

    I've also been able to talk to her about the recent refusal of the WT Society to appear in court in the Lopez child abuse case and how they were found in contempt of court and had to pay a 13.5 million $$$$ award to Lopez because of their stubborn refusal to supply the courts what they want . My mom asks me, " Why would they DO that ? " I tell her, " because they have something or someone to hide mom, they have thousands of child molesters on their database files that they don't want the courts to know about. " Then she says, " That's just wrong. WT Society needs to do the right thing. " And my mom has been a JW since 1951, but she hasn't attended meetings in over a year now as she is in an assisted living facility. So I continue to make her think and make inroads into her now " un-indoctrinated mind " . Good luck to you- hope these thoughts help. Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • truthseekeriam

    Yup, depends on what relative I'm talking to. With certain ones we cannot talk anything JW or it will not end peacefully, with others I can bring up some of the issues without any of us getting offended.

    One thing I've learned in the past few years is nothing I show them or prove to them will change the way they feel about being a JW, they may agree how some things have to change but in the end they are happy in their ignorance. It's the only way of life they know or want to know.

  • steve2

    My still-active JW family and I have a clear mutually agreeable understanding that we do not discuss religion which includes no hinting by either side. I must admit my now-deceased JW mother modeled that approach extremely well and her children, including me, respectfully imitate her example. I would venture that all of us siblings - in or out of the organization - are pretty good with our communication. I have one sister who, when I am one-to-one with her, will keep me up with developments in her local congregation but it is not subjected to judgemental comments by either of us (but don't say, I said so ). We siblings also have enough of interest to discuss to readily leave religion out of the frame. I must say I am kind of proud of my still-in siblings for their ability to maintain the respect of the boundaries put in place by my mother.

  • Freesoul

    I faded 20 years ago and have stayed in touch with me family. Both my brother and my sister who are still in do not even talk about the religion or beliefs to me. We talk about everything and when it comes to xmas or birthdays they, just stay away for a couple of days and don't even ask me about it.

    My dad who is an elder has for the past 20 has always tried to witness to me. I always said I do not believe JW's anymore because when I grew up I was telling people about this generation was 70 to 80 years and did not believe in 1914, so as long as I did not talk to anyone else about it I could not be accused for apostasy. I always tell him if armageddon comes tomorrow we will all be saved.

    The problem I always had was he couldn't help but witness to me every time I visited my parents and I would feel bad every time I visited them, so the visits would slow down and then I would feel guilty that I wouldn't see my parents enough.

    It took me 20 years to figure out how to have a relationship with my parents, I decided that the only way I could answer my dad's witnessing was that every time he would start a JW subject I would have to have a biblical answer

    So I did my research on youtube and got all the biblical answers against any JW argument.


    what does salvation means - Romans 10:9,10

    Eph 2:8,9 - we are saved by faith not works

    1st century discipline we divinely named christian Not Jehovahs witness - Acts 11:26

    Who is the truth not what is the truth John 14:6 I am a follower of god and not 7 men in brooklyn, only 1 mediator

    What is the good news -1 Cor 15:1-4

    I do not jump from scripture to scripture and I stay one the same subject.

    After one discussion, he told me that if I wanted to know the truth I would only have to listen to the JW's and and then accused me of being an anti christ because I have left the teachings of christ. The scripture he quoted says to be anti christ is not believing that Christ died and was resurrected in the flesh, I answered how does that make me an anti christ?

    He then told me that he could not talk to me about the bible or the JW's anymore. (I'm thinking GREAT!!!)

    It took me 20 years to have a great relationship with my parents, its quite amazing what we talk about now that religion is not part of our discussions, I have got to know them as people not robots, we talk about their lives when they were children, how the met and am getting to know who they are as people and how they feel.t

    I know it is hard for my dad to keep his mouth shut but if my mum sees that the subject is getting close to religion she reminds him that we do not want to argue about religion. IT FANTASTIC

    I know our relationship will never be the same as being one of them, but I am glad I am not one of them.

  • lurkernomore

    My wife and I made it clear that my mother is free to talk about jw stuff as it's part of her life, as long as she doesn't try to force her opinions us!

    So far so good but her incessant dropping in of something someone said in a talk, or some other random jw bs is starting to wear thin. Watch this space I guess lol!

  • Laika

    Thank you for your responses all, sorry I took so long to return, bad form :/

    It bothers me that I think my parents take my silence as proof I can't argue with them. I suppose I should care less what they think of me, I am happy now after all.

  • steve2

    Hi Laika, it can feel like a no-win situation: If you answer, they view you as an opposer or apostate, if you remain silent, they conclude you know it's "the truth".

    On the other hand, if you learn to distance yourself from valuing their opinion of you, it really doesn't matter what they think (they will think things that support their beliefs). Instead, you do or don't do things because of your own beliefs, values and opinions regardless of what they do or don't think as a result.

  • Laika
    Thank you Steve, very wise, you are a cool guy! :)
  • rebel8

    I have a zero tolerance policy.

    I set the ground rules clearly--there will be no incidental witnessing, no "aren't times getting so bad", etc. without me responding in kind.

    And then I consistently keep my promise. I keep a few zingers memorized to blurt out when needed--really scandalous stuff about the borg.

    It's magic--no more conversations about religion, and if there's a slip, I get to vent immediately.

  • badcompany
    Pbrow, you nailed it. Unconditional love can only be shown one way.

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