Welcome to JWD. Please, read around the site and weigh things up or at the very least lurk around and read things that you feel comfortable with.
As for fear of the label apostate, that is what it is - a label. Behind it there are people who like you ventured out to ask questions and were quickly killed off to prevent anything spreading. We have feelings and we get hurt, we also care, we also love and we also want to believe in the best for ourselves and family.
There is a film called The Island which i suggest you watch. The principles, the ideas remind me of what i was in and what i saw when i left the Witnesses. Watch it, maybe with your family if that is possible without saying why and see what you think, its not related to religion but its appropriate.
You sound to me like your scared, as though your on the edge of something big. Your among friends here, feel free to discuss no questions asked and no consequences, could you imagine the loving Jesus you've been brought to know saying NO dont speak to such and such? No! What about him stopping people asking questions? NEVER!
Regards
KW13
BTW i have sent you a PM (Private Message, look in the top left of your screen where it says Inbox (X New Messages) X represents the number of messages you have.