Disfellowshipping - Is This Common

johannahw

Hi. When I was with the JWs I met a woman named Kathy and we became friends. Kathy was going through a lot of struggles I didn't understand. She had been married twice (her first husband died) and married a second time. She had a fifteen year old daughter. The husband started exposing himself to his stepdaughter and Kathy separated from him and divorced him. She and daughter reported him to the elders but he denied it and the elders invoked their 2 witness rule. The elders told Kathy she was not free to remarry. sometime after the divorce was final, her ex husband met her in a parking lot and ended up raping her. Again, he denied it and there were no witnesses. He was never disciplined and remained in good standing in the congregation. Fast forward a couple years. Kathy meets and starts to get involved with a convert fairly new to the faith. After six months or so of seeing each other secretly, he ends up seducing her and they end up in bed. To say Kathy was overwhelmed with guilt would be an understatement. After about a month, she went to the elders herself and confessed her sin. After that her story really got confusing to me. I guess the elders talked to both Kathy and the man involved several times and then had something like a hearing. The man was not disfellowshipped but Kathy was. Kathy was 3rd generation JW. She knew nothing other than JWs. All her family were JWs. And suddenly, no one could talk to her or include her in get togethers or anything. Kathy ended up taking an overdose of sleeping pills to kill herself. She almost succeeded. While she was in the psych hospital the elders held another funny kind of hearing right there in the hospital. I know all this because I was hospitalized at that same hospital at the same time and I spent a lot of time trying to support Kathy. I wasn't a member yet so what could they say? Kathy was told that the elders were going to uphold their previous decision to disfellowship her. They would re evaluate in 6 months but in the meantime she was to attend all meetings and talk to no one. If anyone spoke to her she was to tell them she was disfellowshipped. I don't know what happened to Kathy. We stayed in touch for a while but after I stopped attending meetings and studying she kind of just faded from my life. I wonder about her still sometimes. Is this kind of disfellowshipping common? Sure according to the elders she had committed adultery but the man who was with her also committed adultery even though he was single. Why were they so easy on him and so harsh with her? I asked my sister Brenda about this and she kind of got all flustered and said "Well, you and I don't really know all the details so I can't judge the brothers." I got mad at her for that. Thanks for any insight you can give me on this. Johannah

snarf

I take it your sister is a JW or studying? Sadly, this is a very good examle of the "love"in the community of JW. The 2 witness rule is stupid and does nothing but protect the wrongdoers while the victims suffer and "wait on Jehovah". This is another example also, of the oppression that goes on in the religion of JW. For them to tell anyone they have no right to remarry until the other person is proved of adultery is a very common practice...it happened to me as well. Please use this example and run for the hills away from JW.

monophonic

the privacy of JCs are for the protection of the elders, not the individual whose life hangs in their hands. when i say life, i mean someone in the situation above where all they know are jws and they lose every ounce of support when the elders df them.

was it in COC where i read about how JCs aren't biblical in any way, that whenever there was a hearing or committee to judge if someone was guilty of something it was done in public and that was to protect the person.

they pretend it's for the person being 'helped', but they don't even allow tape recorders or anything...it's all about 'protecting' the organization.

your story re: your old friend. it's common. the reply from the ignorant witness that 'we just don't know', that's to protect an organization made up mostly of uneducated elders.

OnTheWayOut

Why were they so easy on him and so harsh with her?

Each individual is judged by their own repentance and by their own actions prior to
the act. He may have just thrown himself on their mercy and received it, or had no
prior bad acts.

She divorced without their recognizing the validity of the reason. She (in a sense)
ignored counsel when she divorced. They probably warned her about dating and the
dangers of not getting back together with her husband (recognized by the WTS as
still her husband). Her being JW for a long time and having family in the WTS made
it a sure thing that they said she ignored previous counsel. She probably had a
rough attitude with these guys after they didn't do anything about her being raped
by the (still recognized) husband. The bizarre thing is that because she got a
"worldly" divorce, she could have been disfellowshipped for having sex with her
(still recognized) husband unless they got a new "worldly" marriage.

It is a strange religion, and I am very dissappointed in myself for believing it, and
now that I type this- for fully understanding the above and not leaving sooner.

johannahw

Hi Snarf, My sister has been a JW for almost 30 years. And for almost 30 years she has off and on continued to try to woo me into the organization. But after the way I was shunned by most of the congregation during my 6 months of studying I don't think I could ever be deceived by them again. I guess as a group they don't know much about people who struggle with extreme bouts of mental illness. I missed a lot of meetings due to depression or hearing voices and because I was so unstable emotionally I really had a hard time quitting smoking. I'm off ciggs now for 3 months but it may not last. Thanks for your answer. Johannah

LeslieV

It is possible that he was not baptized so they could not do anything to him. The poor woman...this religion has destroyed so many lives it is enough to make you want to hurl. When it comes to anything immoral most elders are tougher on woman they are on men. You know boys will be boys, but those wanton woman that mislead those boys. It is really disgusting.

Leslie

tijkmo

AND BURIED DEEP BENEATH THE AVALANCHE
OF YOUR INADEQUACIES
LIES THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO CRIED FOR AID
WHO STILL REGRET THE PRICE THEY PAID
AND STILL THEY WISH FOR VOICES HEARD
AS THEY SHOUT OUT IN VAIN
WE PRAY WE PLEAD A GOD WHO ISN’T THERE
BESEECH A GOD WHO DOES NOT CARE
AND IN SKIN BOTTLES YOU SAVE OUR TEARS
HOW MANY SKINS HOW MANY TEARS
HOW MANY SKINS HOW MANY TEARS
HOW MANY TEARS

liars and fools part 4 - the irony