What if you're missing the purpose? (page 15)

cognizant dissident

I'm not sure I would want the mystery to be solved. It seems to me that would deprive life of its wonderment and surprise. By the way, who is your teacher (if you don't mind my asking)?

Cog no like surprises...in my family of origin, surprises often carried more a negative connotation than a positive one. No doubt this has impacted my endless quest for certainty...

When I say "my teacher" I am referring to a psychologist who I went to for counseling a year and a half ago because I started having anxiety attacks when I decided I was never going to set foot in another JW meeting again. Never mind that I am a strong-minded, independent, feminist woman whose rational mind did not believe a word of their teachings any longer. The fear was overwhelming. I think this was mostly fear of shunning, losing friends and family and job and starting over "alone" in the world. I was having to increase my anti-anxiety medicine 3 and 4 fold just to be able to sleep! During the day my adrenaline was just racing.

This psychologist advertised himself as a relationship counselor (I was also having marriage problems) and a spiritual counselor. So I went to him, sort of expecting and thinking I need a Dr Phil, kick butt, problem solving type, but instead I found this gentle kindred spirit who was himself embarked upon a spiritual journey. So, he invited me to this meditation group he hosts in his home every week. He practices Vipassana meditation and is a member of the Vipassana BC society. They are associated with teachers out of the Spirit Rock Centre in California. Cheri Hubert, Jack Kornfield, etc. Our group all went on a local, silent meditation retreat together for a week with some guest teachers who came up California. It really changed my outlook on "worldly" people and organized religion and the interconnectedness of all things. Funny, afterwards, when I had told him that I had experienced that openess on retreat, he looked at me and said the same thing as you did, "You know, you can never go back to the way things were, don't you?" You can not un-know what you have become aware of.

Anyway, our relationship has evolved somewhat from one of traditional counseling to more of a mentor/teacher and student relationship. We meditate together and discuss spiritual concepts and questions much as we have done on this thread today. He has taught me to accept life's inevitable problems and not look at life and myself as a problem that needs to be solved. Just to let it all be and be at peace with it. Still, it is a daily practice. Old JW, black and white thinking does not die an easy death does it? It rears its ugly head now and again.

What about you poppers? How did you get to be so wise as you are?

Cog

cognizant dissident

Poppers! I love that song! And Don Henley and the Eagles. One of my all time favorite groups!

Cog

nvrgnbk

often coinciding with PMS

What relationship is there between the sending and receiving of personal messages and hatred for life?

poppers

From cog: "What about you poppers? How did you get to be so wise as you are?"

I had my own conditioning to fight through, Catholicism. But my conscious search started shortly after a releationship broke up, and wound its way through a myriad of meditation techniques and teachers. Through all of that the conditioning hid its ugly head but it was never far off. It wasn't until I "saw" how the "I" was kept in place by the near repitition of the "story of me" that the bubble burst on my identity and with that so did the conditioning. That was more than six years ago, and since that time I haven't once felt lonliness, despair, or unfulfilled. Peace has been my constant state, and inner silence my comforter. From that insights unfold.

nvrgnbk

shortly after a releationship broke up

I knew it poppers! LOL!

Thanks for all the kindness and help!

poppers

Hi nvr... at the time of that breakup I didn't recognize the dynamic that was playing out. My happiness was heavily invested in having the "right" person in my life, and when that was no longer there a search was begun in earnest to find that "something" that would satisfy me. It wasn't until much later that I realized that my self-concept and identity was wrapped up in finding happiness outside myself, and that the search was actually a search for what I am in reality. In the realization of what I am all searching has ended. What a relief!

nvrgnbk

I really can relate to that poppers.

Are you suggesting that one doesn't need a significant other?

Or simply that one not be defined by such relationships?

poppers

"Are you suggesting that one doesn't need a significant other?

Or simply that one not be defined by such relationships?"

One isn't defined by it; one isn't defined by anything. It is by looking for ourselves in some thing that we come to confusion. Even to say, "I am consciousness" is a deviation from from it, although it is true. One simply is - let there be the clear and abiding seeing of this and everything else is pretty automatic.

cognizant dissident

and since that time I haven't once felt lonliness, despair, or unfulfilled. Peace has been my constant state, and inner silence my comforter. From that insights unfold.

Your inner peace shines through in your posts, poppers, as does JT's. I am envious, perhaps that is why I always gravitate to both of your posts, for the wisdom is apparent to all. I would say that despair has left me, but I still feel lonely and unfulfilled much of the time. Lonely for human companionship, for someone to connect with on a deeper level. I do feel this peace and contentment when I am with my teacher, when I am with my meditation group, when I am doing spiritual reading, when I am in nature or even listening to great music. I guess that is still looking for peace outside of myself instead of within. It does not carry with me for the rest of the day though. When I am with troublesome family, or JW's, or working at something that I feel is a duty but not personally satisfying or enjoyable, I must be honest, and say I do not feel at peace at those times. I also feel there is something deeply missing in my personal relationship. The alternative of a life of complete solitude is also not appealing to me, although I do find comfort in periods of solitude.

Well, it is a journey and this is where I currently am on my own path.

Cog

cognizant dissident

Poppers, are you in a relationship with someone who shares your spiritual path?

Cog

What if you're missing the purpose?

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