Just finished my second study book (page 3)

JeffT

I became a witness as an adult and frequently regret not asking more questions/doing more research. Fifteen years later (and now married with three kids) I did do that. It didn't take long to conclude that I needed to find another religion. Fortunately my wife had reached the same conclusion. Our older children (12 and 13 at the time) adjusted to the change very well. The youngest has no memory of being a witness. If your kids are old enough, just tell them you made a mistake, it won't hurt them to learn that Dad's a human being.

Welcome to JWD, you're in the right place for real information.

cognizant dissident

Hi and Welcome!

I raised my son as a Witness from babyhood as I had been. He was was about 14 or 15 when I realized it wasn't the "truth". He never fit in at school, partly because of being a JW, but also because of having ADHD. The JW thing just made it all worse, though. By the time he was a teenager, he was so depressed and anxious that he had to leave school. I honestly believe being a JW added to his problems and made him more anxious, fearful and depressed than he otherwise would have been. He is very intelligent also, and was having trouble accepting a lot of the teachings. So for a couple of years, I encouraged him in his doubts secretly and encouraged him not to get baptized.

When he was 16, I made the decision that I would stop going to all meetings and fade out. I told my son why and he was very upset and angry, even though I had been trying to prepare mentally for some time. It was a very stressful time for us. But you know what? It was 100% worth it! Now that he has settled in to not being a witness, he can see it clearly for what it is, and he is doing better and seems happier now that he ever has in his life. We are also closer than we have ever been. This last year, we bought each other Christmas and birthday presents for the first time! He is 18 now. He took me out for a beautiful mother's day brunch this year. Neither of us is religious at all anymore, but we can still appreciate, respect and enjoy the traditional customs of our culture. It feels really good to be out!

There is nothing wrong with sitting your kids down and humbly telling them you were wrong and made a mistake. They may fall over from the shock, it may rock their world view a little and their view of you as being all wise and all knowing, but they will get over it. When they are a little older, they will respect you more for it though. They will also feel freer to come to you when they make a mistake, knowing that you will be understanding. As for doing "worldly" things again. Let them slide back into as they want to and they are comfortable. Get their imput. Tell them you were thinking of buying them something for their birthday or Christmas and ask them if they would like that. Kids are kids. Not very many can resist fun and presents. They will come around at thier own pace.

Please write again and tell us how it went.

Cog

Narkissos

Welcome saywhat?

With the best intentions you have led your family into very dangerous waters. If you manage to steer out with a bit of humour and modesty your children will learn something from the experience, and respect you more in the long run -- perhaps a bit less as an "authority" and more as a fallible man who really cares for them and is ready to admit and correct his mistakes. They will gain in understanding and critical skills -- all of which does matter in life more than any transcendent "truth".

LeslieV

First welcome we are very glad that you posted.

Human nature is that we have a voice in our head that warns us when something is not right, whatever you want to name it...gut instinct..red flags etc. If there is an alarm ringing in your mind that something is not right, then more then likely there is something wrong with this picture. Please don't fight what your mind is trying to tell you. The JW religion is all about power and control.

As far as your children are concerned.....believe me when I tell you they will thank their lucky stars if you decide to stop forcing them to believe something that they do not want to believe in. If you want them to have a spiritual life..provide it for them. Spirituality is not about organized religion...one can be very spiritual and not attend church. Open their minds to knowledge, arts, music, sports. Take them to different types of churches...let them see all types of belief systems.

The JW religion really doesn't want you to do that with your children, because they do not believe in critical thinking skills. If you want your children to go to college it will not be encouraged by this religion. Give your kids a life, and they will always appreicate you for it. Good luck we are here for you.

Leslie

Open mind

Here's how you can use us folks here at JWD as an active resource to bounce questions around.

Quandry said:

Did you know that a baptised Witness could be disfellowshipped for merely looking at a website such as this one or for asking questions?

How would your JW teacher answer this? Well let me beat your JW teacher to the punch and give you a likely JW reply.

"That is a flat-out apostate lie! Nobody gets disfellowshipped for just looking at a website."

That might be all they say. They might say this in good faith because they think it's true (even though it's not.) If they give you a little more of how it really works in the JW religion, they might add:

"OK, if the elders found out you were looking at a website that the JWs don't approve of, they would counsel you first. If, after repeated warnings, you persisted, you could be disfellowshipped because you're showing them that you're not willing to submit to Jehovah's Theocratic Arrangement."

By the way, Quandry's a fine poster here and I don't think he was trying to not give you the whole story. (He's just better at using fewer words than I am.) But see, that's the beauty of this site. We all call each other on things if we think someone's leaving something out or isn't really painting an accurate picture.

The point of all this rambling is this: If you run some of these things past your instructor and he comes back with a very convincing sounding answer, you owe it to yourself and your children to at least give us a shot at replying to his reply.

Hope this made sense.

Open Mind

p.s. My thanks in advance and apologies to Quandry for letting me nit-pick your post. "For the good of the cause" and all that.

White Dove

You sound like a well adjusted adult. Trust your gut. You don't need religion to tell you that something may not be good for you.

garybuss

You wrote: "my teacher would like to see me progress even quicker now"

You're in the trap, now they have to get the trap door closed.

darth frosty

Saywhat said "But when a parent loses credibility with their child, it can be very difficult to get them to trust and believe parental decisions."

Would you rather have your kids hurt and traumatized by this religion just so you dont have to lose face with them now. Kids understand more than we give them credit for. Look at this as a lesson in life to teach them.

As far as pursuing your former religion, I will only say this. Salvation lies within. You can continue to follow the doctrines of men of various faith to tell you what your's should be. Or you can define your own faith and spirtuality.

moshe

I have been a student for three years, or so,

SayWhat, welcome. A year I could believe, but not three.

sf

Welcome a-board.

No one will rake you over the coals, most here are exjws and have been there,

Yes, many are exjws that did not have access to the marvel of the internet as we know and love it today. We had a solid REASON.

You? Well, this is one exjw that does not comprehend why ANY GROWN ADULT would not THOROUGHLY investigate ANY organization that is contigent on dedication to it {WATCHTOWER OF NEW YORK, USA {HUMAN ORG} without being allowed to fully and satisfactorily question ALL POLICIES and DOCTRINES...BEFORE "dedication"{water baptism}.

So consider this a gentle rack, at this point.

Let me know how the intestigating is coming along. Starting with the reading of Ray Franz' book CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE".

You "STUDY" THAT book, BEFORE SUBJECTING YOUR INNOCENT CHILDREN TO A LIFE YOU WILL ALL SOON REGRET, and I'll ease the rake.

Grown adults have no right to bring children, whose lives are already in full motion, into such a death trap KNOWN AS THE WATCHTOWER / JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES BOOK PUBLISHING ***NGO/OPRGANIZATION** who's policies could very well KILL THEM and surely will destroy any personal connections they ever had and/ or felt with THEIR God.

If you do not STUDY the internet for facts and documents on the negative impact this WILL have on your family, mainly your children, raking will seem mild. I assure you.

Bringing children into such a place constitutes abuse, as far as I see it. I'm sure you are not an abusive parent. All parents of this organization, who subject them to such lethal doctrines that are manifested into its insane, misrepresented policies, ARE ABUSIVE. As far as I'm concerned, it's criminal.

sKally

Just finished my second study book

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