Today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago. She was 38. I've had a candle lit for her all day long. I've been playing her favorite songs...Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Jump by Van Halen. She loved Elvis, so I've been playing some of his older songs.
My sister was a tormented soul. We both suffered much abuse as children. From our JW mother. She, more than me, as she was the rebellious one who couldn't keep quiet and not talk back. From a young age, she decided never to cry again. That only made my mother beat her more. I knew she needed help. She started bed-wetting. Killing small animals. Running away. Setting the woods and house on fire. She turned her hurt outwards. I turned mine inwards.
She ran away at age 11 and lost her virginity to a 17 year old boy. When the police found her, her pants were covered with blood. Instead of helping her, my mother sent her 120 miles away to reform school. I cried myself to sleep every night. I couldn't help or protect my "pippy". She came home and I knew she was different. Changed forever. She was numb. She didn't care about anything. Soon the drugs and alcohol took over her life. All she wanted was for someone to love her. And until she died she tried so hard to make my mother do this. It was in vain. My mother did not cry one tear at her funeral. Not one.
I love you, Kelly. I wish with all my heart I could have helped you or taken you to another place. I would give my life for yours. You will always be my 'Angel'.
We played this at her funeral. Much to my mother's chagrin. It was her favorite song of all time.
Angel
Aerosmith
I'm alone yeah I don't know if I can face the night
I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do it for you
I want you're love let's break the walls between us
Don't make it tough I'll put away my pride
Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light
Ba-yay-by
You're my angel come and save me tonight
You're my angel come and make it alright
Don't know what I'm gonna do about this feeling inside
Yes, it's true loneliness took me for a ride
Without your love I'm nothing but a beggar
Without your love a dog without a bone
What can I do? I'm sleepin' in this bed alone
Ba-yay-by
You're my angel come and save me tonight
You're my angel come and make it alright
Come and save me tonight
You're the reason I live
You're the reason I die
You're the reason I give when I break down and cry
Don't need no reason why
Baby, baby, ba-yay-by
You're my angel come and save me tonight
You're my angel come and make it alright
You're my angel come and save it tonight
You're my angel come and take me alright
Come and save me tonight
Come and save me tonight
Come and save me tonight
Come and save me tonight
Come and save me tonight
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)