trapped in the Borg...how did you.....

by SnakesInTheTower 26 Replies latest members private

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  SnakesInTheTower

  ....deal with the reprecussions of leaving? What were the emotional/psychological reprecussions that you (or others you know) suffer? (read on through this to where my mindset is)

  Today, I posted the following comment:

  how long were each of us deluded by the BorgMindset? How many of us are partially trapped?

  on another thread that Gill started today about idiot elders.... (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/136439/1.ashx) and it got me to thinking:

  Let me use this illustration (ironically one I used in a public talk "How to Protect Ourselves From the Snares of Satan", but now will apply completely differently ).

  An animal is going along through a forest, completely minding his own business, not realizing he is protected in a wildlife refuge. But then he strays out of the refuge into the unprotected zone where trappers have laid a snare....animal steps on the trap, SNAP! Animal begins to wail in pain. Steel teeth digging into skin, tissue, tendons, muscle, bone. Often the animal will die right there. Or agonize for hours and in desparation will chew its leg off (a condition called "wring out") to get out of the trap. The animal may survive, but is more likely to become a victim of a predator. Certainly there will be scars and reprecussion for the rest of its life. (I wont get into the whole details because it was a really gut wrenching story meant to draw them in at the beginning of the talk...weaving the illustration in throughout the talk)

  Now, as you can imagine, I was applying this illustration in the talks to people leaving the protection control of the Organization Borg and out into Satan's World. Publishers step in one of many of Satan's Snares (immoral sex, drugs, smoking, etc). They may survive, but they will suffer problems for years if not a lifetime. That was how I applied it then.

  Lets reverse this illustration. The real trap is the Watchtower Society (aka The Borg) People who attempt to leave the Borg will certainly not be able to do so without serious reprecussions (emotional turmoil, mental anguish, family shunning, social isolation, possible financial problems from being cut off by family/business ties in the Borg, pscyhological problems, suicidal thoughts because of the isolation). Just like the atypical steel trap in the illustration, the teeth of the Borg trap will dig into our psyche for years. Because we were in this religion snare for so long, we will need help getting out. Even if we dont "chew our leg" off figuratively, there will be scars.

  I had another conversation with a non-JW who said, "Snakes, you will not get out of the JW's undamaged." How right he is. ...that comment and Gill's thread is what got me thinking about this...how much damage we as elders did....

  I try to read as many of posts about yourselves from the past as I have time to get to know you. I look forward to your replies with intense anticipation will read each reply.

  SnakesInTheTower (of the "scarred but not dead" Sheep Class)
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  Anti-Christ

  I like the revers illustration. They way I see it what does not kill you makes you stronger. I was raised in the Borg and with all the research, self healing and help I'm getting ( like this place for example) I'm becoming more and more happy and stronger. It's like karate, I practice hard and sometimes it hurts, like wen I want to harden my nockels, I hit them on a piece of wood, at fist it hurt like hell but the more I did it the harder my bones became, so now it hardly hurts at all. The scars do stay but they remind you of what you went through to be where you are today and that makes me stronger.
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  Scully

  I think the thing that hurts the most is knowing that there are people who are genuinely concerned that being in that trap is the best place for me to be. Family members trying to lure me back in - even though I am certain that I will never go back - but at the same time watching my little nephews and nieces being used as bait in an attempt to lower my guard.

  Why can't we just have normal dysfunctional family relationships, not one that's tainted by cult ideology?
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  greendawn

  Getting out wasn't that difficult because I only had one family member in the cult. The problem back then was that there was no internet to clarify some outstanding issues but when it came out I got informed and quickly got over the final doubts about the WTS being a cult the world would be better off without.
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I think the hardest thing for me is to admit to myself that I quit thinking for myself.

  I was only 21 when I first began my study. I was commended for going to the library and doing my own research, never accepting what was written in the publications without backing it up.

  Once I was convinced of the basics I was a true believer. I had found the truth!

  Now I realize that I let them think for me, and research for me and tell me what to believe.

  Somewhere along the line I quit "making sure of all things".

  I left the" truth" for several years feeling very depressed because I couldn't measure up. I wrote about that in the thread from a day or so ago having to do with "a lack of love shown". I have no idea how to copy that here.

  I've wasted almost 30 years of my life on something that I am now disgusted by. I blamed myself and now realize that I let them control my mind.

  I'll learn to live with it but I'll never get over it.
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  mrbloo

  getting out wasn't easy they were intent on df me.but i didn't let them even had to physically remove elders from my property.my mum was the worst but she was pretty cool once i told her straight,my dad and brother were super cool but then my dad is well weird! but i have to say he has always been there for me before and after.which is really nice for me but i do feel a stranger in there home now which is a wee bit sad its the lasting effects that get to me,birthdays .xmas etc i cannot celebrate them.i have small children and shield them from jw teachings and it bugs me i cant relax at a b/day party!and then theres the constant thought of the end!!!! were all gonna die so whats the point!its crazy that we think like this the worst part i feel is now ive left former friend view me as Satan im a real bad guy! i grew my hair long and have a long beard listen to the same music as i did when i was 12 !metallica.acdc etc so im viewed as this hells angel type!! and that hurts cause im nice! im very polite and open minded and really don't have much bad habits but guys i totally grew up with avoid me..i can see the look of terror when they see me...some times i even like it!!!! i just wish one day to have a free mind again and have some thing to believe in again as i feel now im in a desert!! thanks for reading
• 

  Elsewhere

  Sometimes you have to cut off your right arm in order to survive.
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  Mum

  It was tough (in 1979). A cousin took me in, but left after a couple of months; but I had 2 jobs by that time. I had been a stay-at-home mom and housewife for at least 7 years, had lost most of the job skills I once possessed. My daughter didn't want to go; she was 7 years old at the time. I didn't even know I was leaving the borg. I was leaving my husband for mental health reasons, which made me pretty much a pariah. I took my child far far away, and she did not adjust well. The worst mistake I made was to let her go back and live with her father. She still bears the scars, and I am still riddled with guilt.

  My ex called my cousin and told him to instruct me to go to the elders in my new city and tell them my "intentions." I didn't know what my intentions were other than to get away from him, and I mean that as an act of kindness because he was not happy with me and let me know it every day. I told my cousin that I did not see what a bunch of strange men had to do with any of it anyway. The more I freed myself from the Watchtower, the better I felt -- physically, mentally, emotionally. But my daughter and her well-being were always on my mind. I could have done more to make my situation better if I had had more courage; unfortunately, I went from abusive parents to the borg, so I felt powerless even when I did have some control. Sometimes it isn't what you have, but knowing that you have it.

  Best wishes in your journey,

  SandraC
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  neverendingjourney

  The “art” of torture has been refined throughout centuries. People quickly discovered that a very effective way of getting someone to talk is to threaten their family or loved ones. People that would otherwise let themselves be tortured and killed before divulging anything would break down when their loved ones were placed in peril.
  
  This is my current situation. I would disassociate myself right now if I was the only person that had to bear the consequences of my decision. The Watchtower, like all other evil people that practice torture, realizes that the threat of hurting loved ones will prevent people from leaving that would otherwise make a quick getaway. If I formally renounce the faith, I would face the prospect of having my parents live out the rest of their years heartbroken, thinking they will never get to see their son in the new system. My niece and nephew would never see me again and would grow up thinking that their uncle abandoned them in order to pursue selfish goals. These are the reasons that I stay in and try to at least make an appearance that I still live my life according to JW principles.
  
  Those clever bastards in Brooklyn know what they’re doing.
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  Vernon Williams

  I have likened untangling from the WT theology mythology is like dis-engaging an octopus: as soon as you get one of it's arms unwrapped you are entrapped by another.

  And, you are right...it takes a bit of time to reach a ratioanal state of thinking in all the areas the JWs touch: which is ALL things. :-)

  I did not have the trauma that most do for a couple of reasons. I always saw myself as a "Gibenite:" attached to the JWs, but, not one of them. Also, if I know I am "right" you will kill me before I yield...cost be damned.

  However, I was/am.....no other word...."pisssed" and there is nothing more stubborn that a "pissed off ol' hillbilly."

  So, what to do?

  Newwork: build a fresh network of confidants and buddies.

  If you have ANY tendancy to follow a Christian path: join a "faith family" immediately. Folks won't understand you or your "past' but, that is ok. The WORST thing we can do is isolate ourselves.

  Join a volunteer group. Big Brothers, Bikers Against Child Abuse, The Tribe of Judah, Habitat for Humanity, Project Hope, the local Boy/Girl Scouts, Big Brothers/Sisters....on and on. HELP SOMEONE!! Man, there are paybacks in that. CASA is a great cause...

  Buy a good pipe and some excellent, expensive tobacco. Nothing is better for meditation than a bowl of good smoke. Don't inhale. I do not. It is a great thought provoker. When I am smoking "hard" I go through about 6 bowls a week.......I have not smoked my pipe in a couple of weeks.....

  Start talking it out. Writing is fine...verbal exchange is better.

  Nuf' fer now....

  V