Humourous DA letter

by besty 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • breakfast of champions
    breakfast of champions

    Dear Brothers,

    I regret to inform you that I, Breakfast of Champions, no longer wish to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    I could have simply faded into the background and not expressed the reasons for abandoning my faith; but instead, I wish to inform you of three of the main reasons as to why I am leaving:

    1) Muff-N-Egg sandwiches were an attempt to disguise a slab of egg-colored latex as a breakfast food by putting it in between two slices of stale English muffin. Dreadful.

    2) For my entire life, the urinal in the men's bathroom at the Kingdom Hall has never flushed properly. I always feel that I am peeing into other peoples pee. This is gross.

    3) All Bethelites have a weird accent.

    I appreciate you brother's efforts in considering the import of this letter and my grievances.

    Good Luck,

    BOC

  • Hairtrigger
    Hairtrigger

    Leopole congregation 10-28-14.

    BOE

    19835 Gunion street

    Phoenix . Ar

    Dear Brothers,

    I not long in your congregation as is you know to all . My english not good as you knowing I am young foreign and still learning the english. When I fust come to the Leopole congregation bro. elder TMD Rukker is very kind . I speak only broken word of english and wanting to learn this beautiful language to able to speak nicely with all. Bro Rukker is 48 years old and his wife Maryloo is 24. Sister Maryloo has sister who is 23 years and name is sister Sallyann. Maryloo in primary school. Sorry . As teacher not student. I want to clear the point. Sallyann also teacher but helper to Maryloo. Not full teacher but learning nicely. Bro Rukker kindly said his wife to learn me . His wife agreed to do and teached me few times. Sallyann present all the time. She one day test my spelling and I do the spelling along nicely. Then one day soon I went for tuition to her house at 4 o’clock p.m. Maryloo and sister Sallyann said to please excuse as they need to go one mile down the road as her cat Fluff has run away. Both sister run after cat. I run too and I catch Fluffy and we bring heem back. Sister- Maryann and Sallyloo..sorry turn around please… Maryloo and Sallyann -get skirt dirty but having white skin they both look pink with running. I look a little more golden than normal with splash of pink. They go in to make tidy just at same moment bro Rukker enter and look at all of us showing pink.

    “What going on? “

    “ I learn the spelling, but today I learn new thing. How to handle pussy ”, I say.

    “ Oh Yes?” he say” you are definitely speaking better. Let me hear you say something . Any long sentences or word.”

    “ Yes sir . I am spell it out like I am make true confession.” I say to bro Rukker with serious face.

    “True confesion is it? Lets hear”.

    Just then maryloo and sallyann come back still pink and red in face.

    First I say then I spell it out o.k?

    “o.k.”.

    “ I love pussy. I catch pussy and I kiss pussy .Petting pussy and asking her to come brings me great joy. She comes and I am satisfied by doing good job. Both sister Maryloo and Sallyann happy too.”

    “o.k.” say bro Rukker but he look a little offended.” What are you trying to say?

    “You no understand bro.Ruker. Never mind . I spell it out now for you.”

    I think of last word I learn . “It is Mississippi” .They sit and I with respect stand in middle of room and bow respectly and to emphasis the letter point to ladies.

    “ First M come ; then ‘I” come, then “S” she come twice, then “I’” come again then

    “S” she come twice more, then I come again; then I pee pee twice and “I “ come again!” I bow and smile .both Maryloo and Sallyann clap with joy but bro Rukker look angry and he turn pink also. He ask Maryloo and Salyann to enter inner room and they go in . I hear loud anger talk and then maryloo and sallyann come out after five minutes . They look like they crying and excuse me but no englis class today.

    Since that day and today bro Ruker not speak to me cancel English class and sister Maryloo and Sallyann too. Later I hear from people in K.H.that I be disfellow for fornication and bro Ruckker wanting divorce but no 2 witness come forward.

    So I am angry at this false doctrine against my good name and before I disfellow by you I no more associate to you . So I disassociate this letter.

    Goodbye.

  • Phizzy
    Phizzy

    Brilliant ! ROFLMAO !!

  • stuckinarut2
    stuckinarut2

    hahahahaha!

    very creative!

  • bsmart
    bsmart

    Time for a bump!

  • dubstepped
    dubstepped

    Dammit! I want to disassociate again now. I guess I could always send in one that's humorous and sign someone else's name in the congregation just for fun.

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