Humourous DA letter (page 3)

flipper

Vernon that is so wonderfully whacked! All of these are SO good...I just read through the molestation experiences and was totally bummed out and pissed, reading all this was the very best therapy - you clowns rock! flipper

Paralipomenon

Dear Brothers,

As you know I have been suffering from a multiple personality disorder. This has presented it's fair share of challenges.

It is with regret that I must inform you that two of my personalities wish to formally disassociate themselves. Please understand that the other personalities do not share their view and have decided to make a stand by avoiding association with them.

Warm Christian love,

Paras 1,2,4,6 and 7

Piss off and die,

Paras 3, 5

LeslieV

Wow you guys are tooooo funny. LOL paralipomenon!! That was brilliant.

Leslie

Crumpet

Brilliant idea besty!

Jgnat you are talented at this. I am still chuckling away at this:

My mother in law has sadly informed me that she would not associate with me any longer unless I come back to Jehovah. I can't pass up this opportunity, so I'm formally handing in my disassociation. So long, Martha.

And "my feet hurt" - CLASSIC. Hats off to you madam.

Flipper I hope you are still NOT feeling bummed out and pissed off. I wish I could write a new one for myself: Dear Brothers I am so sorry I could not attend the Judicial Committee, but you know how attracted I am to you all. I doubt I could keep my clothes on long enough to feel your loving discipline. I am doing my best to rid myself of this hateful curse, but if you should need to contact me you will find me at the local Massage Parlour, Tel No:..... Your cherishing sister Nina

OnTheWayOut

As you know I have been suffering from a multiple personality disorder. This has presented it's fair share of challenges.

It is with regret that I must inform you that two of my personalities wish to formally disassociate themselves. Please understand that the other personalities do not share their view and have decided to make a stand by avoiding association with them.

Although I haven't yet worked out how to avoid "eating with them."
I was hoping I could consider them immediate family and overlook that.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

LeslieV

I have decided to DA myself today for the following reasons.

1. I have been in a 12 step program for years for Smurf addiction, and I just can't lick it.

2. I like oral sex

3. There is no fashionable brief case to put literature in.

Leslie

lawrence

I had a piece of birthday cake inadvertently at an office party - it was good, so I had 2 more because I could.

I wished a co-worker good luck when they mentioned they had to bail their wife out of jail.

It was dark and she said insert, it was the other orifice and she said it hurt.

drew sagan

- Dear Brothers,

It has recently come to my attention that we as Jehovah's Witnesses believe the Bible. I simply find this utterly shocking and very damaging to my faith. All along I thought we received our information from the faithful slave alone. But now I find out we are using the same literature that Christendom uses to prove the trinity, hellfire, and the immortality of the soul!

I can no longer support an organization that is willing to go beyond the guidance of the 'faithful slave', it is against my conscience.

AlmostAtheist

I gotta say, totally dug the Mother-In-Law one!

Dear Brothers,

I feel I am no longer worthy to be called one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My crimes have piled up to heaven and there is simply no sacrifice left to cover them:

*) I saw a woman crying at a park. She is disfellowshipped and I knew it, but I consoled her anyway.

*) I ate a Christmas cookie at work. And enjoyed it.

*) I gave blood, which was used to help save the life of a mother and newborn. I can only imagine how angry Jehovah must be over this.

*) I was out of toilet paper, and the only book handy at the moment was the New World Translation, so... let's just say you don't wanna try to look up anything in Obadiah when you make your next "shepherding visit".

Please delete me from the membership role, I am clearly a lost cause.

Sincerely,

A mere human

startingover

If I ever feel the need to go this route, I am going the multiple personality route. That is classic!

Humourous DA letter

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