Withdrawn and painfully shy, self-conscious. My former classmates would describe me as "quiet." I never attended a prom or other school dance. I had a physical disability which is somewhat disfiguring, but sometimes a boy would think I was cute anyway and chat me up a bit; I never knew what to say, so I rarely said anything, just turned away and walked in the other direction. I became a full-fledged JW (the only one in my family) sophomore year (unbaptized publisher), so my quietness served me well. My sister was the pretty one without physical impairments or disfiguration, but even she didn't date or go to school social events.
My father sexually molested me on a fairly regular basis. My mother buried her head in the sand. My sister, brother and I were constantly verbally abused and beaten up badly by both parents. We had the bruises, welts and other evidence which my mother helped us hide by carefully selecting the clothing we were to wear. The JW's gave me acceptance and positive reinforcement, so I liked being with them and believed whatever they told me. I was baptized my senior year, at age 17.
It was not all bad. I did have a friend who lived on my street. Her grandmother was a JW and attended meetings at my KH. I did have some academic triumphs. I was consistently on the honor roll my senior year. I was the top student in the school in two subjects, French and Shorthand. I learned office skills so I would be able to support myself and live on my own.
I went to college because my parents wanted me to and because it was the quickest route out of their house. I felt unworthy of college, so I did not do as well as I should have. I did go back and get a degree when I was in my 30's. I left the JW's in my early 30's after I had been married an elder for 10 years and got an insider's perspective on the org -- very different from an outsider (no family in the org with you, hence not a popular favorite with JW families socially speaking).
Now I am so different. I can talk to almost anyone about almost anything. I have been married twice, once to a JW and once to a phi beta kappa. Better yet, I have been divorced twice. I feel as competent as the next person. No one beats me up. I am still mostly introverted and enjoy living alone. However, I have a wonderful group of friends who provide an awesome support system, so I am not alone unless it is my choice. My parents are deceased. My siblings live thousands of miles away. I have a good relationship with my daughter and her family who live in the same state as I.
Life does begin at 50!
Regards,
SandraC
