Been "worldly" for 4 months now

by themonster123 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • themonster123
    themonster123

    Well, I left around January or February, and it's been about 3 months or so experiencing "worldly" living. I gotta say...it's been an interesting and uncomfortable transition, to say the least. I would just like to update everyone on how I'm doing, and share some of my worldly experiences, as well.

    Well, obviously, I'm not hanging out with ANy witness friends-i lost my whole social base of friends, so I gotta start clean. But...it's hard to just go out there and "make friends." I've been hanging out w/ some ex-witness friends (like one or two) and one friend from high school. Last night, I went out to a bar/arcade type place and I met some new people. I met this one guy who was NOT a good guy. The stuff he was saying was pretty much shocking. He was talking about how much he loved money and would do anything for it. He was saying he didn't care if he had to kill for money, or if the products he helped sell (ie: bombs) killed people-he'd still do it b/c he doesn't consider himself 'responsible.' He went on and on about how everyone has a price in life and according to his morals, it's not wrong. Then I said of course killing people for money is wrong, and he's like 'well, only according to YOUR morals-and that's YOUR price, not mine." Basically, I felt like I was looking into the eyes of a cold-blooded killer, whether he's done the deed or not. j

    In other experiences...I met a nice guy who I dated for a month. I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 years, so I really want one, so I got involved w/ this guy. 2 weeks after we dated and were having a great time together, I mentioned how we should be boyfriend/girlfriend (this is about 3 instances AFTER us getting hot and heavy)- when I said that, he sat up, stared at me like WTF and was shocked -simply *shocked* *shocked* I could POSSIBLY want to be his girlfriend after 2 weeks of doing, well, the hibbidy, dibbidy. I think if you're intimate w/ someone, you should generally call them your gf or bf!!! FOr God's sakes....so he told me he wasn't "looking for a serious relationship." (I can't people "date" and still consider themselves single.). I guess worldly people are okay w/ dating MULTIPLE people at a time. So that was a big confusing mess to me, and I recently broke it off realizing he's a nice guy, but is not wanting a girlfriend and will casually string me along.

    In the "world" dating is so F**** d up!!! It's like dating and relationships GO Together, or so I thought.

    That whole thing was a TRaNSTION for me, like I said.

    I rememember one night me and him got some drinks and when my drink came, I just dove right in. He looked at me like "Hellooo?" He's like "Aren't you gonna toast before you drink it!?" (I'M AN EX-WITNESS DUDE!! I didn't go into the whole story of how toasting was considered DEMONIzeD in my old religion!!!).

    Other than that, there's a lot more swearing out there and general immorality. I seriously can't believe how immoral everyone is. It's been hard, really hard lately. It's exciting to be my own woman and realizing that the whole being a Witness thing was NOT TRUE and now my LIfe is open to live and seriously pursue my passions-so many doors have been opened, but at the same time I feel....

    like there's a hole in my heart. I feel a shallowness that fills me-there's not that deep warmth and purpose and strong core I felt as a Witness when everything had an answer and it was all a matter of time till we're in Paradise.

    I don't know-there have been so many things going on now-it's been fun, but scary and hard as well. My brother said it will take a good year before I fully adjust as a "worldly person."

  • DJK
    DJK

    Stay away from the guy that will do anything for money!

    You have to be cautious when meeting new people. Some are not of good character. Take the time to learn more about people you may choose to be friends with or have relationships with. There are people waiting to take advantage of someone.

  • neverin
    neverin

    Hi there

    As my name suggests I have never been 'in' myself but my dad and brothers are. I can assure you that most 'wordly' people are good and kind, it seems that you have just struck unlucky with the guys you've met.

    I do wonder if being brought up so isolated robs witnesses of the ability to judge people before getting involved with them. I'm guessing that until recently you have only mixed with other JWs with the assumption that they are all 'clean living' people.

    I can also assure that this is a crock of poop. My experiences of JWs are that whilst there are some gueniune folk around many have no qualms about claiming state benefits from the govt so they can knock dooors all day. I have personal expereince of those who will gladly help a fellow JW to move house or clean so they can be 'seen' to be doing, whilst at the same time turning their back on blood family because there is no kudos attached.

    If you look back at my other posts (not many, but I lurk around a lot)you will see what those 'loving' brothers and sisters have done to my family. Meanwhile I have a loving 'worldy' husband and kids and a good group of friends who I know I can rely on, unconditionally.

    Just tread carefully and learn to judge who to trust - but please don't tar all non JWs with the same brush - this is real life.

    All the best - Neverin

  • brinjen
    brinjen
    You have to be cautious when meeting new people. Some are not of good character. Take the time to learn more about people you may choose to be friends with or have relationships with. There are people waiting to take advantage of someone.

    Good advice. There are some truly great people out there, on the other hand, there are some unsavoury characters as well. 'Money hungry' guy is a good example. However, not all wordly people are like him in fact, most are not. You need to let go of the perceptions the dubs fed you, it will take some time but you will get there.

    Maybe you're not ready for places such as bars and clubs just yet. Have you considered starting a hobby? You could find a local club in the area you choose and make friends that way.

    In the "world" dating is so F**** d up!!! It's like dating and relationships GO Together, or so I thought.

    Again, not all wordly people steer away from relationships, some do some don't. My advice though would be to not be looking to jump into a relationship immediately. Spend some time on yourself first, learn to adjust to your new surroundings the new 'you'. Again, you need to let go of what has been ingrained into you by the dubs. Worldly people don't always date for the sake of having a relationship or finding that special someone. Just because they don't however, dosen't mean they aren't completely closed to the idea either.

    like there's a hole in my heart. I feel a shallowness that fills me-there's not that deep warmth and purpose and strong core I felt as a Witness when everything had an answer and it was all a matter of time till we're in Paradise.

    Was it true or just a security blanket?

    I don't know-there have been so many things going on now-it's been fun, but scary and hard as well. My brother said it will take a good year before I fully adjust as a "worldly person."

    It's good to see you have some family support, good luck!

  • truthsearcher
    truthsearcher
    It's exciting to be my own woman and realizing that the whole being a Witness thing was NOT TRUE and now my LIfe is open to live and seriously pursue my passions-so many doors have been opened, but at the same time I feel....like there's a hole in my heart. I feel a shallowness that fills me-there's not that deep warmth and purpose and strong core I felt as a Witness when everything had an answer and it was all a matter of time till we're in Paradise.

    It sounds like things are still confusing for you out there in "the world." Have you considered having a relationship with Jesus without an organization to tell you all the answers? You can still be your own woman and pursue your passions, but it will give you a moral base on which to live your life and He will fill that hole in your heart. There are many in "Christendom" who live what the JWs would call clean lives and would be glad to be your friend.

  • truthsearcher
    truthsearcher

    I forgot to say that you could check with some local churches and see what activities they have planned for their college aged group. Usually there will be something going on that you could attend and meet some new people. It could be a place to start....also, is there an exJW group in your area? That might be good too.

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Sounds to me like your still lost.... Dont forget the old teaching ( which my opinion is still valid )

    "Bad association spoils useful habits" Yes I hate it!!! we heard it so often.... But it is good advice.
    Not everyone in the world behaves as the ones your meeting, first of all I dont think you will find real friends in a bar ---- Many tell me they are meat markets( OK, I am being judgemental ,I regress)
    Why not try to go to differant churches..... No way am I trying to say they are ALL good people .....
    But I think in among them you will find good friends, anyway many from our group did it & say it was an eye opener for them to make VERY good friends,

    I am sorry if my post offends any on board especially those who like the bars....I have never been in one I am just repeating what the young ones tell me.... Please forgive me before you blast me.If you have made good friends in them I would be happy to hear
    Any way watch out !!!!try to remember you have escaped one association that could hinder your happiness -you dont need to get into another..

  • NotaNess
    NotaNess

    Truthsearcher....good post. Good direction.

    To themonster123,

    In my work environment, I'm surrounded by witnesses, and I feel like you do on the outside..."I'm surrounded by immorality" Can you believe that? It's true. You'd have to experience it to believe it, truly. They serve up a great heaping of Lies, Sexual Inuendo, False Witness, Character assasination, Criticizing, Cheating, and more.

    Witnesses have a certain skill they've honed, and it's called "blanketing" as I call it. Whatever they see a "Worldly" person or group doing, then that's EVERYONE in this world who's not a JW. Being a former, I'm sure you and others here know EXACTLY what I'm saying.

    A witness at works said to another.."If you socialize with the world, you'll become like the world", but how my stomache aches knowing the next day he planned with others about the time they were going to a local bar that night for karaoke and drinks!!!, and this is a regular thing. These people drink and go to bars WAY more than I do. I may go to a bar 1 or 2 times a year if that.

    So, don't get caught up in thinking that your experiences are how it ALL is out here in the world. Don't forget, even as a witness, you were still AMONG the imorrality, "killers", adulterers, and the like. You ever been to a grocery store, post office, etc??? You think they weren't standing next to you at one time or another?

    Hang out in Bars and places like that, and that's what you're gonna get. Clean it up, and get into a better "Worldly" environment. There's lots to choose from. Cheers!

  • carla
    carla

    After reading a number of posts similar to this over the years I believe that jw's raised in have no idea about judging character. They have preconceived notions and somehow mangage to find all the people who live up the negative image of us so called 'worldly' people. Not all people are like that, not all men are like that. If you want to meet nice people find those who have similar interests. People who do something other than party, slow down with new bf's. If they really like you they will wait as long as you like before becoming so intimate. Try being friends first.

    Reminds me of man I knew once when he was 35, his dream girl was a virgin who looked like Miss America, but was a devil in bed, could cook like mom, and have a fabulous career so she wouldn't sponge off of him. Where did he hang out to find this virginal angel? The clubs. What did he have to offer this super woman? He had been around the block a number of times already by age 35 himself, lived with his mom and his 'career' left much to be desired. He never wanted to do the work needed to attract his virginal/vamp fantasy. 20 years (or so) later he is still single but did finally inherit mom's house and still resides there.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    If you are a young 20-ish lady, you have to be very careful about guys.

    Don't condemn the world outside of dubdom. The JW who would date you
    for two weeks would understand the pressure from the congregation and
    expect that the two of you would get married. If you were good little JW's,
    there would be no heavy petting, so comparing that situation to regular
    dating is comparing apples to oranges. Just be careful out there. Try to
    meet people in a setting that doesn't always involve alcohol if you want to
    meet "nice" people. Nothing wrong with alcohol and taverns, but you
    want to meet people that don't always start with that.

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