"Jehovah's Witness, Such a Presentable Vegetable"
"Jehovah's Witness Protection Program: Electrify your Front Door"
"Freedom is the distance between JWs and me"
JW = No Forgiveness
Miracles Happen, Ask Watchtower's Banker.
Don't let Worries Kill You. The Watchtower can Help.
Honk if you Believe in God, not the Watchtower.
Let JWs among you who is without sin to shut the hell up.
"There needs to be a thorough examination, by JW everywhere, of why it is that the faith they love breeds so many moron mutant strains."
"JW women can do kinky things with their knees. That's why they aren't supposed to reveal them in public."
Unless your members suicide, no one is going to take your cult seriously"
JWs May Lie to Non-JWs"
"If you were taught that the WT caused rain, every time it rained, you'd see the proof of the WT"
A bad JW is worse when he pretends to be a saint."
"If you don't pay your exorcist JW you get repossessed."
"Fantastic doctrines require unanimity of belief. One dissenter casts doubt on the creed of millions. Thus the fear and hate; thus the torture chamber, the iron stake, the gallows, the labor camp, the psychiatric ward." — Edward Abbey.
"It is impossible that there should be inhabitants on the opposite side of the Earth, since no such race is recorded by Scripture among the descendants of Adam." — St. Augustine.
"Jehovah's Witnesses coupled with 'OH NO !' are universal to all languages and cultures."
Jehova witness: "But sir, don't you want eternal life ?
—Yeah, but not if it's gonna be with a bunch of Jehovah Witnesses, I mean what kind of heaven is that ?" — Classic 'how to get rid of JW' trick.
"No, no, no — you don't argue with JW concepts. You have to claim Dogma, and therefore leave no room for rational thought."
"If only Jehovah would give me a clear sign ! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
"...balance the budget ? Tax the Watchtower."
"So the universe is not quite as you thought it was. You'd better rearrange your beliefs, then. Because you certainly can't rearrange the universe." — Isaac Asimov & Robert Silverberg in Nightfall.
"God must love stupid people... He made so MANY Jws!"
"A metaphysician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there, and a JW is one who thinks he finds the cat."
"Jehovah's Witness: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy"
"There ain't no devil, it's just Jehovah when he's drunk."
"The problem with JWs who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
"Sorry I missed the JW Memorial... I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian."
"Jaracz would have made a good Pope."
