Help me describe the idealized JW fantasyland

by sir82 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  zack

  Scwharzennegger angels in pairs accompany sisters through dangerous neighborhoods, invisibly directing them to those sighing and groaning, and visibly malevolent

  to hurtful wolves in the territory.
• 

  limbogirl

  All families have at least one panda bear and two lions as pets. Usually the lion accompanies the family on picnics and the little girl in the family wears a pinafore and sits next to the lion stroking his beautiful glossy "vidal sassoon'd" mane while nibbling on the most perfect grapes ever seen. Mother and Father and Big Brother are busy greeting all of the other immaculately dressed picnickers smiling broadly and admiring all of the perfect, mouthwatering fruit and vegetables that the other picnickers -- most dressed in their native dress -- are carrying in large cornocopias on their shoulders.
• 

  ninja

  some of the older sisters no longer look as if they need a good shave
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  -- PartiesGet-togethers never have more than 15 persons attending. Entertainment consists of one chap playing a guitar while the rest sing kingdom melodies, followed by stimulating conversations of "field service experiences" and "how I came into the truth."
  
  The meal is pot luck brought by all, with generic sodas, casseroles, fried chicken, lasagna, cake. After the "how I came into the truth"
  session, they play a homemade Bible trivia game where nobody keeps score, but everybody gets most every question, then they study
  the WT or book study lesson as a group, so they can answer at the next meeting with zeal.

  -- Children of all ages are perfectly well-behaved for the full 2 hours of a congregation meeting. They comment zealously in their own words, and after the meeting, rather than running & screaming between the chairs, they talk politely with the octegenarians milling about.

  Teens offer to mow the lawns for the octegenarians, and those that graduated High school offer to pick them up for the field ministry then they would be happy to take them to their doctor's appointments. No need to bother the elders with this, young ones are thrilled to do it.

  -- All members of the family grin like lobotomized dope fiends while engaging in the ministry. People who answer the door are invariably dressed as modestly as JWs are in their "off hours" and never threaten to call the cops.

  All doors are slamproof, closing slowly. Apostates have a big scarlet "A" tattooed on their foreheads.

  -- There are only 2 possible reactions to a witnessing effort at a door: Complete and utter interest while hanging deliriously on every word, or violent histrionic arm-waving and screaming, spittle flying as the householder prepares to slam the door but can't as noted above.

  On cold days, the householders offer coffee, on warm days it's lemonade. They always shell out $20 or more for the worldwide work.

  -- All non-witness children in school are either overtly or secretly alcoholic drug-addicted sex-fiends, plotting to seduce the unwary, while planning to attend prestigious universities for the sole purpose of getting as wealthy as possible

  All JW children are homeschooled because the worldly ones are so bad. The JW children finish homeschooling by the time they are 20.
  They couldn't do it faster because they are pioneering with Mom, cleaning part-time at night with Dad.
• 

  ninja

  they can kill apostates with one good stare
• 

  MidwichCuckoo

  They'd welcome back all the resurrected of the Old Testament - then give them a few weeks to accept/catch up on the New Light before D'fing them.
• 

  ninja

  yeah midwich...before they d'fed them they would be warned about knocking about with a beard and a long dress
• 

  journey-on

  Direct deposit your entire paycheck right into one of the GB's hidden accounts Society's world wide work account. No more pesky check writing or quick stops at the ATM for cash to put in the KH contribution box.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  More on meetings-
  Every member arrives at least 15 minutes prior to the meeting, so they can fellowship. Nobody is
  mad at anybody, so they all huddle together in the chairs up front in the hall, saving the entire
  back third of the hall for the latecomers- the first-time visitors who haven't learned to love the meeting
  so much yet.

  The newcomers that were a bit late make up for it after the meeting. They are introduced to every last
  person. They promise next week to arrive earlier and sit up front with the members.

  All speakers are following their outlines, but not boring. TMS- everyone studied well and all the students
  show up. At the service meeting, people actually think of how they will try these suggestions in service.

  Daytime meetings end with a "meeting for service" after more fellowshipping. Every member stays for
  that meeting, offers to drive the elderly or single mothers to the territory.

  The single brothers who don't get accepted to Bethel or Missionary school, always find the perfect sister
  in their own circuit, and the sisters are content to never get married unless the perfect brother asks them
  for a date. Since the end really isn't coming, these couples have children to perpetuate the religion, but
  their children are silent babies during the meetings.
• 

  ninja

  the dogs at bad peoples doors are all gumsy