Help me describe the idealized JW fantasyland

by sir82 36 Replies latest jw friends

  • sir82

    Based on the illustrations in the books & magazines, and the videos produced by the Society, describe the world that the GB would like JWs to live in.

    For example...

    -- Parties never have more than 15 persons attending. Entertainment consists of one chap playing a guitar while the rest sing kingdom melodies, followed by stimulating conversations of "field service experiences" and "how I came into the truth"

    -- Children of all ages are perfectly well-behaved for the full 2 hours of a congregation meeting. They comment zealously, and after the meeting, rather than running & screaming between the chairs, they talk politely with the octegenarians milling about.

    -- All members of the family grin like lobotomized dope fiends while engaging in the ministry. People who answer the door are invariably dressed as modestly as JWs are in their "off hours"

    -- There are only 2 possible reactions to a witnessing effort at a door: Complete and utter interest while hanging deliriously on every word, or violent histrionic arm-waving and screaming, spittle flying as the householder prepares to slam the door

    -- All non-witness children in school are either overtly or secretly alcoholic drug-addicted sex-fiends, plotting to seduce the unwary, while planning to attend prestigious universities for the sole purpose of getting as wealthy as possible

    Anything else you can think of?

  • crazyblondeb

    All windows, offices, toilets, and floors clean themselves!!

    Only 4 door passenger cars are produced, where doughnuts and coffee "appear" at break time.

  • sir82
    Only 4 door passenger cars are produced

    Not quite true...but the only people who drive 2-door cars are "worldly" sneering materialistic narcissists with bad haircuts & cheap sunglasses.

  • Paralipomenon

    -Girls in school are desperate to throw themselves at witness boys. Apparently bible thumping virgins are really hot.
    -Witnesses have their own light source. While wicked doers usually are cloaked in shadows witnesses have a mobile sun that floats above them at all times.
    -Kingdom halls don't have babies. Unless it is after the meeting, then you're allow to bring the babies out if the article is about training from youth

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Sycophantic sheep quickly jump to the subtlest of cues from elders who set a fine example of faith, nosiness & guilt trips.

  • ninja

    when they go to the toilet at the kingdom hall...there are no floating jobbies from the previous attendee

  • ninja

    "from house to house and door to door" is covered by the killers and makes it to number one

  • ninja

    when they run the old incontinent brother to the kingdom hall in their car..there is always a curious smell of roses lingering afterward

  • ninja

    after the sisters give their talk on the platform stephen spielberg approaches them and asks if they would like to star in his next film

  • BluesBrother

    Elders meetings take place in the K.Hall around a polished table with all present having their best clothes on. Elders are warm, kind, experienced and loving The flock hang on to their every word and always speak well of them.

    In the New World. The sun will shine every day, families will stroll with their pet elephant . Children will be able to take risks that would never be possible now because either the angels will pick them up if they fall off the said elephant, or spritual superglue will keep them in their place on it's head


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