His meeting lasted four hours. FOUR. I got so worried I actually drove by the church or hall or whatever at 11:30 pm to see if his car was still there because I was concerned about where he was and if he had lost it and was off wasted somewhere. He came when it was finished, around midnight, and told me he was disfellowshipped. He said he is going to appeal because one of the elders was close to his ex-wife, who is apparently very hurt that he had sex with me even though they were already separated over two years ago before I even knew him and are divorced. He told me that he wants us to work out our problems, he wants me to become a Witness, then after his appeal in a few weeks, he wants to date me openly, which we've already been doing before we broke up the last time, he wants to marry me and he believed we can be so happy if we just live according to God's will. I told him I was so sorry for confessing all this stuff to my bible study teacher, and he told me he understood why I did it and was sorry for blowing up at me a couple of weeks ago when I told him what I had done. He said he loves me so much and is going to become a better man for me and study God's word so that he can be a better husband to me than he was to both his exes. At this point, I'm thoroughly confused. I was concerned he would hate my guts after being disfellowshipped last night, but it's the opposite. He was very loving. He did tell me we needed to "lay low" for the next couple of weeks before his appeal because there was no need to add fuel to their fire. We are no longer having sex and have toned down the physical stuff almost totally, but he is worried they won't believe that if anyone sees us together. This just kind of seems ridiculous to me. I feel like a teenager, having to sneak around behind my mom and dad's backs. We're two grown unattached people who were physical with one another in a loving relationship which we both believed was headed toward marriage. I'm just really sick of the whole guilt thing. I want to be there for him, and I believe him when he tells me that he is so sorry for how he has lost his temper with me in the past, but I don't know if I can live like this. Even if we were to get married, I have a feeling the elders would always be in bed with us, so to speak. He told me last week that the day of his wedding to his second wife, they fooled around and had sex the morning of their wedding day for the first time. They felt so guilty that they confessed what they had done to the elders after they got back from their honeymoon, and he was reproved for that. Reproved for sex right before the ceremony? That's so weird to me. Why would anyone feel guilty and feel like they deserved to be disciplined? What really annoys me is how he told me last night that he doesn't really care what the elders think of him, he's just worried that God can't love him. It's very frustrating to me to see him like this and to know that he is worried that God doesn't care about him. He said at the end, he asked if they would pray with him for guidance, but they told him no, they can't pray with him. he can't even have any of their literature while he's disfellowshipped. Well, he can have mine. I'll find something else to pick up dog poop with.
