finding friends outside the Borg - a Scary thought

by lydia 68 Replies latest jw friends

  • lydia
    lydia

    Has anyone else found that the teaching of the "outside world" being a "bad Association" limits your involvement and ability to make new freinds?
    If so how have you overcome this and any suggestions to helping those suffering from these feelings?
    Thanks,
    Lydia

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    Lydia,

    That teaching only limited my ability if I LET IT. And I don't. I think everyone should use their own common sense when it comes to making friends ANYWHERE. Funny, when I was DFed I found some worldly people to be better friends than some of the JW friends I had at the KH.

    To me a friend is someone who loves unconditionally. Doesn't mean they approve of every one of my actions. But that even if I disappoint them or do something incredibly wrong, that they hate the sin and still love ME. And still treat me with kindness and grace. Exactly as Jesus Christ would do, but NONE of my JW friends EVER did.

    I guess what helped me overcome those thoughts was just giving worldly people a chance like I wanted a chance from my judicial committee when I was DFed. And not being judgemental towards others before I knew them. Made a world of difference for me!

    Andi

    PS: Welcome to the board!

  • Escargot
    Escargot

    I truly know what you are going though! Even though you know what the WTBTS is all about, you still go through “JW-withdrawals” from time to time.

    Well, Raymond Franz second book, In Search of Christian Freedom, he addressed the loneliness we may have to endure for a time because of the path we have taken. I suggest you read Ray’s book, it is very encouraging.

    While looking for friends, remember the Bible is very vague on a number of topics that only will be addressed when our Lord comes back to set matters right. Remember the good Samaritan, It was a person of a different religion that was the hero of Jesus’ story! Look to the heart of a person to decide friendships...........

    Erasmus (1520 AD): "If we want truth, every person ought to be free to speak what they think without fear."

  • Xena
    Xena

    Yes mam I still have problems making friends (course it could be because people just don't like me...naw that can't be it)..really though when I am with "worldly" (yes they are still that in my mind) people sometimes I feel like I am on the outside looking in...like I don't belong with them...weird huh?

    I have only been out about 1 1/2 years so I am hoping this will eventually subside Maybe that is why I spend so much time on here...I feel more comfortable with people who share my backround and understand why I feel different...make sense?

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    (((Xena))) and (((Lydia)))

    Don't worry it does get better! After awhile you like having a different background from your friends. If they are true friends they appreciate what you've been through and try to learn from it.

    Andi

  • roybatty
    roybatty

    >>I feel more comfortable with people who share my backround and understand why I feel different...make sense?<<

    Xena,

    Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Growing up as a JW and then leaving and then trying to develop normal, non-JW friendships is a bit weird. It's taking some time to de-program the JW thinking. And when you try to explain it to a "worldly person" they just look at you with a "huh?" expression.

    roybatty

  • Xena
    Xena

    look at you like you are batty huh roy??? lol sorry I just couldn't resist...but I do know what you mean roy...and they just can't understand how and why we stayed in it as long as some of us did...or what it feels like to lose family memebers to a religion...

    Thanks for the hugs Billy...I enjoy this board, there are a lot of great people on here and hopefully future friends.

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit

    Hey um, Xena:

    This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of the thread, but exactly where was your profile picture taken? Just curious.

    Expatbrit

  • roybatty
    roybatty

    >>look at you like you are batty huh roy???<<

    Yeah, but Billygoat is right. With each passing day the JW "programming" becomes less and less a part of me. I now have friends who never even had any idea that I was a JW.

  • AmazingProgeny
    AmazingProgeny

    I think it is natural to have a hard time making friends after leaving the Borg. I had a hard time. I still do. Part of my problem is that I'm naturally very shy. I also don't get out much b/c of my kids. I have found that it gets easier with time. I have a best friend now and I know that she is a far better friend to me than any JW could ever be. As a JW, I would never have thought about being friends with her.

    As a kid I lost out on chances to have great friendships b/c of being a JW. I will never let that happen again. I don't want to ever lose out on the chance to be someone's friend just b/c we have big differences like religion or whatever.

    Having a true, loyal, and loving friend is worth taking the risk of trusting someone who has never been a JW.

    AmazingProgeny

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