But like with yourself, since leaving the WTS I have far less fear of the future and death.
Yeah that's one of the nice things isn't it? Well that and not going out in service when it's 100 degrees.
I started this thread to hear others' thoughts and beliefs, and I do appreciate it. It helps give me perspective.
despite your feelings of unworthiness, and in view of your history, why do you suppose YOU are so full of love and compassion??
I'm a big, big believer in choices. I think each of us has within us the capability, under the right circumstances, to be the most hideous monster causing the most horrible of nightmares. But we also have within us the ability to love, show compassion, nuture and heal. I completely reject the notion of someone excusing their crimes as "I was born that way". Nonsense. Granted some choices are easier than others and raise a child with abuse and hate, the odds for that child are not good. Odds are that child will grow to absorb that darkness and act out the hate in their adult life. But that's not an absolute. Not everyone who grows up in darkness must stay that way.
In some ways my parents were very helpful to me. Since they were so bad, all I had to do was to act opposite of what they would do, or make the choice they wouldn't make. Think of it as growing up in Bizarro World. For many years after I left that place, and I was in doubt about what to do or how to behave, I'd wonder what they would do and I had my answer. But having said that, I am an incredibly flawed man, far from my ideal.
If I may ask, why do you think children growing up in an abusive home, are not always abusers themselves? Or, conversely, why does a child growing up in a loving, nurturing home sometimes turn to violence and evil? Destiny? Genetics? Are they just born bad people? Just curious.
Reincarnation doesn't answer all the questions and, for me at least, neither does the concept of heaven.
If I have a say in it, I don't want to be reincarnated. I'm not really fond of living in this world, or on this planet. Don't get me wrong, nothing is better than watching a sunset, or holding my woman, or eating some really good sushi. But there's a lot in this life that just flat out sucks. Too much for me at least.
God did hear your cry; he sent you a wonderful woman. Please embrace all the good things in your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate your concern. I apologize if I've given the wrong impression. I'm not in the depths of depression (no more than normal at least; I can be a real pain to be around!). No honestly, I started this thread because I wanted to hear others' thoughts and feelings about God and the possibilities of what happens when we die. I really want to "get it". One reason why is I don't want to make things more difficult on those around me when I do shuffle off this mortal coil. I think death is hardest on those still alive, and if I can wrap my poor brain around understanding what happens, even better, coming to a belief system that I can trust then maybe I can help my loved ones before I become an ex-Big Tex.
But yes GQ you are right, I have many, many things to be thankful for and Nina is at the top of the list. If nothing else, she puts up with me. I've got 2 fantastic children. And no psycho dog that pees on the floor or chews up my old Simon & Garfunkel albums. That alone is enough for me to praise God!
Chris
