Sincere Question to Anyone who Believes in God

Big Tex

Lately it's occurred to me that one day I will die. Being raised in a cult that teaches you, you will live forever without dying will warp perspectives. And I've been working hard on coming to terms with that realization, and it's becoming more and more okay. I'm at the point where I'm not afraid to die, if that makes sense.

But that's really the first step. What happens after we die?

I got into a rather long and intense conversation last week with a Christian and I realized one thing: I would be most relieved if atheists are right. If they are, then when I die all I get is oblivion. I can handle that, even welcome it really.

What concerns me more, after that conversation, is what if there really is a God -- a Power Greater than myself? When I try that idea on, I find that I am faced with two beliefs: (1) He/She is the ultimate accountant/lawyer who has kept track of every misdeed, every misstep, every error, every "incorrect" thought I've ever had in my miserable and pointless life; or (2) that God is like the CEO of IBM or Microsoft -- basically this disconnected, arbitrary and uncaring manager. This second possibility is what I think is more likely, although at 2:00 a.m. the former bears down me.

Either way I see the afterlife, if there is one, as being even more grim than this life. And that does not really comfort me as this life has been, and is currently, one big pain in the ass filled with heartache, pain and suffering. And I'm living in America, one of the better places on this planet in which to live!

So anyway, I know (believe me I know) what the Bible says. But my question is this: why should I believe God cares, and I mean really cares about me? Why should I believe he knows or cares anything at all about my pointless and deadend life? I've shared some rather personal, and intense details about an abusive childhood here, and frankly coupled with a cruel cult my life, so far, sucks. And what I'm dealing with currently isn't much better.

So there is a part of me that, no doubt an emotional and child-like one, that wants to know: if God really cares why has so many bad things happened to me, and why do so many bad things continue to happen?

Okay so I'm throwing it out there, and yes I know how stupid I sound.

Be well,

Chris

IP_SEC

That is true profoundness BT

Satanus

Yah.

S

mouthy

Ask & I will reply

Big Tex

Yah.

weh?

Satanus

BT

No weh. In the traditional sense, god should know not only the answer, but the question before it's asked. In the mystical sense, the way to percieve is through a stilling/stopping of the thoughts and discovery of the union that exists. Thus, your first post (a blank) was perfect.

S

Satanus

Ps, oops, i see now, that your question was actually towards believers, not towards god himself. They would need more than a blank

S

Satanus

Having done a little mystical type stuff, i 'know' that there is no god in the traditional judaochristian sense. However, i do think that when our bodies stop working, we as spirits carry on. I see our time on this dirt ball as roughing it in the wilderness, so to speak. So, the other side is better. But, that's just me. I'll leave this thread now, to the believers.

S

Big Tex

i see now, that your question was actually towards believers, not towards god himself.

No it's all good.

Actually I originally named this thread about Chrisitianty (after last week's conversation and my own upbringing). But I realized that would be limiting God toward one particular religion, or religious belief system. And I don't want to limit God.

I hear what you're saying about silence, and I think there is a lot of truth in that. I've heard many things when I'm alone and quiet. But this one issue, what God thinks of me, has plagued me as long as I can remember. And I can remember back to when I was 2 or 3 years old.

The logical left-brain part of me recognizes that this fear is about the abuse I suffered at my parents' hands, which was then reinforced by the Witnesses. But that doesn't quiet the voice in the middle of the night. If that makes sense.

I don't know, I guess I want to get this resolved on this side so I know how bad it will be on the other side.

Chris

jelcat8224

(1) He/She is the ultimate accountant/lawyer who has kept track of every misdeed, every misstep, every error, every "incorrect" thought I've ever had in my miserable and pointless life;

Well for me personally, I have recently come to know and believe that God keeps track of the GOOD deeds you do. I believe that he forgives the bad and multiplies the good. (of course this is contingent on your intentions and attitude toward each)

I've shared some rather personal, and intense details about an abusive childhood here, and frankly coupled with a cruel cult my life, so far, sucks. And what I'm dealing with currently isn't much better

With regard to this statement, I firmly believe that those who suffer in this life and seemingly have nothing to show for all their hard work, good deeds, and faith, can look forward to a far greater reward in a place where it will be for all eternity.

Either way I see the afterlife, if there is one, as being even more grim than this life.

I am curious to know why you feel this way. If there is an afterlife, why would it be grim? What exactly do you see it as? Do you feel that you are unworthy of a good afterlife?

It is hard for me to answer EXACTLY with how I feel since I don't want to impose MY beliefs upon you. All I can say is that I believe that God cares about each and every one of us and that our experiences in this life are not ignored. Hope this helps if even just a little. jelcat

Sincere Question to Anyone who Believes in God

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