by purplesofa 27 Replies latest jw friends
Threestars,
Thank-you. I remember one time they put my daughter on meds and she walked around like a zombie, not remembering even why she was up to do something. And they told me she would be like that the rest of her life. I was horrified.
I am sorry for what you have been through and I just cant have enough words to thank you for telling your story.
much love to you
purps
I think I've shared before that I have a few family members with mental illness. My mother is bipolar. My son, son-in-law, and ex-husband are all Schizophrenic. I'm literally surrounded by the mentally ill.
Purps, I grieved for two years when I accepted my son's diagnosis of Schizophrenia. I think it's reconciling our children to a shortened life and limited possibilities. On the other hand, bipolar disorder is much easier to treat and manage than Schizophrenia. Very talented and successful people have had bipolar disorder.
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/celebs/a/bl_celebrities.htm
I also consoled myself with the knowledge that some parents raise a child with a genetic disorder or defect, such as Cystic Fibrosis, that will dramatically shorten the life of their child and limit their possibilities. Nevertheless, they love the child for who he is. Whatever your child may be like, they will be a spark in the world.
From what I read, her behaviour is not by choice .....so that is a bit easier to accept.
By the way, the latest counselling for the mentally ill is that they can hold some responsibility for their actions. Once your daughter is stabilized, she can be taught to self-monitor her state of mind, recognize when she is "off". After all, diabetics must do the same or die. She should learn to speak up to a trusted confidant when she starts to derail. If she takes responsibility for her illness, staying on her medication even when she feels good, she will have a much better time of it.
It is extremely difficult for the "good" siblings to keep resentment at bay. After all, the sick one sucks up so much of the parent's love and energy. What is left for them? I've lately realized I've cheated my daughter from attention and time. So I take care to give her moments that are her very own. I don't ask her to help me with rescue attempts any more. I suggest you don't tell your sons how they should respond to their sister's illness. That may just compound their resentment. Just give them time, and time to work out their own feelings on their own. Very often, your devotion to your sick child will be a lonely walk.
I am hoping that medication will fix alot of this, but I don't know what to expect
The medication does have side effects. I've observed that both medication and the come-down from manic highs flattens the personality somewhat. She won't be as dazzlingly witty or insightful. Some of the damage is permanent. This is the great temptation for those with bipolar disorder to go off the medication. Oh, the zombie state is from tranquillizers, often needed in the first few days or weeks to keep a manic person from hurting themselves. That zombie state is NOT permanent! Shame on the staff for saying so.
At this point I don't even know what to expect from her. what is reasonable. She can work only 19 hours a week, or she will lose her benefits. But, she cannot work until she is on her meds and stableized.
Support her in her choices. Slow down your expectations. Cheer her on when she makes a milesone. If she slips, remind her that this is a temporary setback, and she can try again. My son is nearly thirty, on disability, homeless and unemployed again. He is in jail for an error in judgement. Nevertheless, I remind him of the great progress he has made in the last couple years. He has admitted to his drug problem (huge). He visits his Psychiactric nurse religiously, and stays on his medication. He is brighter and happier than he has in years. I remind him of all that. He thanks me nearly daily that I have stuck by his side and have kept believing in him. Sometimes he is deeply resentful that he does not have a family or a child of his own, like most men his age. I remind him again and again he has to get his own life in order first. I don't want a grandbaby born addicted to drugs.
My son is enrolled in a dual diagnosis treatment centre. They help the person with both their mental illness and their drug addiction problems. You might want to check in your area if there is a similar treatment available. I do hope my son will heed their advice and stay away from the drug culture altogether.
It's OK to be tired and sad for a while. You don't have to be strong all the time. Keep posting and talking and you will get through this.
thanks jgnat
All i can be is teary after reading the experiances from the board. There is no doubt the love that is found deep inside to help our loved ones that are sick has and will help us to grow.
Right now its pretty much one day at a time. I am fortunate to have 5 children with only one with a severe problem(severe to me) I see many other families struggle with everyone of their kids.
I have printed off alot of stuff to read today.
She does have the racing bipolar, which makes things a bit more unpredictable.
love to all,
purps
Purps,
Everyone has already said so much. Please tell J I love her, and think of her alot.
Here's a site that might help some!
love ya-
shell
jgnat and purplesofa. My heart goes out to you and your family,,,but believe me you are not alone.. I was diagnosed with depression and post =traumatic stress..for years.. but I was also having the manic signs so I was diagnosed three years ago with Bi-Polar I. It took me awhile before I got the right combinations of meds..I am on effexor and risperdal and doing quite well.. I also have a 27 year-old son who is paranoid schizophrenic and has been since he was 20..he has been in and out of jail.. prison...currently I rescued him from living on the streets in florida..and said he has to take meds or out he goes..he stopped taking them last month,, and panic set in,he was really bad off.halucinating...etc..well with intervention and lots of fast talking he agreed to a drug study, and now he is on an injectable schizo solution that he takes every 2 weeks... that was an answer to a prayer.. believe me ,, a journey is to be taken one step at a time.. and thats what it is like with ,, my son and myself..in this mental health crisis... But being in a highcontrol group as the jws certainly didnt make this easy at all..My ex claimed to be one of the annointed when i was married to him (he was 24)..well youknow about grandiose ideas,,and claims well I do believe now after all these years he too was schizophrenic..and has passed it on to his son.. My son was df twice from jws and this was while he was sick...those heartless,cruel bastards...and while in prison they never came to see him once..(I was a jw but still went to see my sick df son and they said nothing.....) this is good therapy,,but is hard to talk about still to this day.. just be there in anyway you can.. my prayers go with all who suffer...
Wildfire, you carry an amazing load. I am so proud of you for persevering.
Thanks to everyone for sharing.
You are all heros in my book and have a huge heart.
Amazing men and women on this board to deal with one of the hardest illnesses.
When a person looks normal .......that is what is expected.
And I also learned mental illness is not about morality.
purps
I talked to the shrink about me being bi-polar and they sort of dismissed it. I told them that I felt like I fought the symptoms alot when I was a young adult. She did not seem to think much was wrong with me as I keep a job and have a house etc etc etc.
Purple-regarding the above quote, you should get another opinion. When you say you saw a "shrink", do you mean a psychiatrist or a psychologist? The point she made about not much being wrong with you because you keep a job and have a house is absurd. LOTS of people with bipolar are generally responsible, functional, and intelligent adults. Little Drummer Boy is a great example. Until last August, he kept the same job (his own business) for 12 years. He quit on his own to get away from the borg and finish college. We have a home, a child, and live a fairly normal life. I'm not saying I think you have bipolar, but if you're concerned that you do, see a good psychiatrist who will spend time with you and make an educated diagnosis.
LDB and I have been married for 13 1/2 years, and we've been through lots of ups and downs with his bipolar disorder. One thing you should remind yourself of is that it's not your fault your daughter has this problem, so don't beat yourself up about it. You also cannot fix the problem or make it go away. You can, however, educate yourself about the disorder using reputable sources. This will equip you to be understanding when your daughter acts differently or says hurtful things. Be as patient as possible and be supportive when she goes through adjustments in medications; these are some of the most trying times. Med changes can affect her energy, moods, appetite, motivation, etc.
I cannot stress to you, however, the importance of taking care of yourself while you're supporting your daughter. After all, you're only human and you're her mother. You're not a live-in psychologist and you should not be expected to ignore your own emotions and needs. Take care of yourself so that you can help support her. Take care and PM me anytime! Exwitless
