When a family member has bi-polar.

by purplesofa 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  purplesofa

  As some of you know, my daughter has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Its been years of dealing with it, until a proper diagnosis, plus she has addictions....alcohol and drugs. She did get approved for disability and just now has medical benefits. So, it will be a few weeks until she gets to see an md and get the meds she needs. She just now fineally believes she has the disorder. I just now beleive she has it. I am finding this very difficult to deal with and difficult to deal with her siblings that just do not understand whatsoever whats really going on. I am trying to respect her, with her illness, without her brothers(4) just abandoning her for some bizarre behaviour.

  This has become a very roller coaster life for me and I am exhausted. Not able to do the things I once enjoyed and wondering what kind of future this all is going to give us.

  From what I read, her behaviour is not by choice .....so that is a bit easier to accept.

  I know there are many on the board that have family members with bi-polar or are dealing with it themselves personally. I am interested in your comments about this. Right now the sadness gets overwhelming for me. I love my daughter very much. At this point I don't even know what to expect from her. what is reasonable. She can work only 19 hours a week, or she will lose her benefits. But, she cannot work until she is on her meds and stableized.

  Its amazing to me how intelligent she is and she stays frustrated not being able to use her brain and abitlities as she wants to. Its like being in a prison for her. I am hoping that medication will fix alot of this, but I don't know what to expect.

  I think my sadness is that I am accepting it and not in deniel anymore. Maybe when I get over this I will have the energy for the next step, but right now I just don't.

  Thanks in advance.

  purps

  Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

  • Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
  • Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
  • Extreme irritability
  • Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
  • Distractibility, can't concentrate well
  • Little sleep needed
  • Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
  • Poor judgment
  • Spending sprees
  • A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
  • Increased sexual drive
  • Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
  • Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
  • Denial that anything is wrong

  A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.

  Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:

  • Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
  • Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Restlessness or irritability
  • Sleeping too much, or can't sleep
  • Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain
  • Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
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  looking_glass

  Purp - my grandmother was schizophrenic with manic depressive disorder (now called bi polar disorder). It is very difficult to deal with. My ex-fiance's mother is bi polar and he still to this day does not want to accept it, believing that if she exercises and takes vitamins she will be fine (and no he is not Tom Cruise nor a Scientologist).

  For someone who grew up with members who have the disorder .... there are a few very important things to know. 1) there will be times that your daughter will feel that she is fine and will not want to take her meds, it is part of the disorder, she MUST continue on the meds regardless of her moods or her current mental health because this is usually the high end of the mania and the car that she is riding in will start to take a downward turn and soon. 2) You will never be able to make her better or whole, nor will you be able to get people to understand the disease who chose not to accept it. For some family members it involves fear, they are frightened that it may happen to them or that they will be stuck tending to the family member over time. All you can do is hope that they will eventually understand that the disease is real and not some thing that should be held against the family member. 3) There are some theories out there that say that people with mental illness are highly intelligent and that is what is causing some of the overload to the brain and functioning. The theory is that these people are unable to filter out everything that enters into the brain and they pick up on everything. As humans we learn to filter and not take EVERYTHING in otherwise it would be systems overload, but for those who work on a higher intelligence, they cannot filter and thus, they start to have breakdowns. I don't know if that is true or not, but my grams was one of the most intelligent people I knew and on a good day she could blow you away with knowledge.

  Do as much research as you can handle. Right now you are overwhelmed because it is all new. But in time it will reach its steady and you will find your place. Know that there are resource out there for family members because YOU will need to take care of YOU as well as helping your daughter take care of herself.

  Much peace to you and your family. Feel free to pm me with any personal questions you may have. I will do my best to address them as quickly as possible.

  Peace L_G
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  Mulan

  My cousin's husband was bi-polar. I say "was" because he had a heart attack and died in February.

  He was so talented in many areas, music, art, business, many of the building trades, but a total failure in his life, other than his wife and kids. His illness kept him from succeeding at anything. He never took meds, so everyone was at the mercy of his moods. Of course he drank a lot, but was so lovable when he did, that we all forgave him. He wasn't a mean, sloppy drunk, just more normal. Many people with this disorder self medicate by drinking. We all loved him so much, and wish he was still with us. By the way, his disorder got less and less as he got older. He was 71 when he died and normal most of the time. Not sure if that means anything but it was true for him.

  I feel for you with your daughter. I'm happy she has you to love her and take care of her.
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  ButtLight

  I know exactly what your going through. My son is 17, bi-polar manic depressive with adhd and a learning dissability!!!

  He started out with the crazy behavior at 10 years old. They had him on so many different meds at that age it was crazy. I dont even know what advice to even give you, but to keep yourself sane. Easier said than done though.
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  Crumpet

  Judging by your list of symptoms I have Bipolar disorder too except for the unintended weightloss and the little sleep needed. I ahve to be really careful what music I listen to and how much and under what circumstances as it can send me off the deep end starting with wild ecstatic energy filled euphoria and usually ending about 24 hours later with an enormous headache!

  I hope your daughter finds a way to control her symptoms with practice and medicine so she can function as normally as possible and not stilt her intelligence. She can only work 19 hours but maybe she can study without breaching her disability rights.
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  purplesofa

  Mulan,

  This is what is hard to accept

  He was so talented in many areas, music, art, business, many of the building trades, but a total failure in his life, other than his wife and kids. His illness kept him from succeeding at anything.

  She will be 20 in a few weeks......and I just dont know how to deal with this.

  Thank you for your comments.

  purps
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  moshe

  Your daughter needs some good counseling and help dealing with relationships. My 2nd wife was bipolar and it started out fine, but things started unraveling during the honeymoon and steadily got worse. Yes, she took her lithium, but apparenetly not a high enough dose to really prevent a manic episode- she enjoyed the extra energy and the proper dosage made her feel tired. She exhausted me and after 9 months our marriage ended. . I asked her after the divorce , if she would have married me if I had been bipolar, too. "No way!" she answered- The good news is their are many more medicines to treat bipolarism today- good luck.
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  ex-nj-jw

  Hey purps,

  I feel your pain....As you already know my son attempted suicide last sunday. He was diagnosed with depression at 16 or 17 and the doctor then told us he suspected bipolar. But my son left again to live with my parents prior to completing evaluation and starting therapy.

  I had no idea until recently how much trouble he had been in over the past 6-7 years and even prior to that as my parents would never tell me about his run in's with the law, and drug abuse. Had I known earlier, maybe he wouldn't be in the position he's in now.

  Anyway, I attended a dinner meeting Monday night and low and behold it was on Bipolar disorder and mania.

  Just a few tidbits I got from the presenter:

  1. Onset is usually between 15 -19 years of age

  2. Sometimes mistaken for ADD or ADHD, so not treated properly

  3. Most male patients have a sexual pre-occupation in early childhood, patients with bipolar have a altered sleep pattern, they do not sleep well (sometimes only 2 hours per night), but are not tired (high end of bipolar)

  Five key points:

  1. Family history( parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncles - many may not have known of fam hx as was not treated in past, kept quiet ie. grandma suzie was kept in the back room cause she was crazy!

  2. Course of illness (when sx's first noticed)

  3. Treatment response (have they been tried on antidepressants, usually not effective)

  4. Mania symptoms (feelings of grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, insomnia)

  5. Associated features (frequent change in carreer, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts)

  I've been doing a lot of reading about this disorder, I'll keep you posted on things I find out and would like for you to do the same!!!

  I hope your daughter gets the meds and follow up care she desperately needs, and maybe if you are not already should think about counseling for you, I know I'm going!!

  (((((((((((((((((purps)))))))))))))))) I know it's hard - I hate knowing my baby is going through all this!! And wondering if he will take treatment and continue treatment or if he'll attempt and succeed suicide next time.

  nj
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  juni

  Dearest purps,

  I've read the above posts. A lot of good information and suggestions.

  With mental illness - there is a huge strain on the people around the one afflicted. Also the one suffering is like in a prison. Often times they don't realize their moods and how it's affecting others. They only want to feel "normal". I commend you so much for sticking w/her and giving her the understanding she needs. I was emotionally abandoned by my husband and then to top it off he committed adultry. Anyway.....

  The drug use and alcohol use no doubt started (and then became an addiction) when your daughter was in the manic stages. One usually becomes wreckless, giddy, carefree....etc. I experienced that - but it was from the meds I was taking for depression. I've had quite a few changes of meds through the years.

  All I can say is that I understand your heartbreak and frustration. She must keep in contact w/her psychologist/psychiatrist so that they can monitor her meds - dosage and if it is working properly. When she hits on the right medication she should feel so much better. Is she getting help for her addicitons? He/she should be able to direct her for that also. As someone else here said and I can speak from experience......when a person starts feeling better they want to go off the meds cause of some side affects. Watch her for that as far as you can.

  (((purps and daughter))) Love, Juni
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  restrangled

  Purps,

  My father was Bi-polar or manic depressive. It was not diagnosed until all the kids had left home. We walked on eggshells our entire lives. He was extremely intelligent. A really nice sociable guy one minute, and the next a hollering angry maniac that dropped into angry silence with lots of door slamming that could go on for weeks. Suddenly he would snap out of it. We always thought it was our fault. (Of course anyone outside the family including those at the hall never saw this side of him)

  After he started medication, it would take several weeks for it to kick in. He would complain of feeling like his brain was ajar, slept a lot and could not drink alcohol...which he was addicted to.

  Once it finally kicked in he would be great, calm, normal, ...on an even keel. He would get to feeling really good and then stop taking the meds. It would only take several days and everyone would notice the difference. We would ask him about his meds, and he would admit he stopped. This cycle went on for years.

  I think that is the problem, making sure these individuals stay on the medication.

  r.