Why did they not try to 'Save' me?

by AK - Jeff 46 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  AK - Jeff

  Good answers from many here.

  I tend to believe that this failure to assert significant action in bahalf of one who begins to move away from Top Dead Center is part and parcel with the general lack of honest interest and concern that is typically shown by elders.

  I posed this same question to a 'brother' who had been until a year or so before, one of the few elders I had ever known who deeply cared about the flock. His response was interesting; He said ' Jeff, we need someone to teach us how to be loving elders.'

  I was flabergasted on more than one level by this response. His admission of such inability to do what elders are commissioned to do established proof that 'Jehovah' was not involved, didn't it? How could God Almighty be involved in the appointment of men to positions of such importance [in their own eyes] that he would not make sure they were equiped to accomplish His purpose for them?

  Actually, it runs deeper than that, since I have known of many persons who were never elders, who did possess the love needed to nurture and encourage the 'brothers'. So, eldership means a moving farther away from the basic human element of love that we are born with, and not closer to it - due mostly to the legalistic manner in which that overwhelms that sphere of influence. It comes not far from proving without a doubt that those appointed men are actually drawn away from God's influence, instead of closer to it, doesn't it?

  Jeff
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  Borgia

  Elders are apointed because there is need for company men. So, within the measure of putting trhe company first, they will show, if able to, a measure of love. Outside the boundaries set forth by the company, they will drop you like a hot patato.

  Spirit direct alright......question is: what kind of.

  Cheers

  Borgia
• 

  Sheri

  Willyloman,

  You are so right about that! No elders visit to attend the Memorial only one sister with an invitation.

  Peace & Love,

  Sheri
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  So, eldership means a moving farther away from the basic human element of love that we are born with, and not
  closer to it - due mostly to the legalistic manner in which that overwhelms that sphere of influence. It comes not far
  from proving without a doubt that those appointed men are actually drawn away from God's influence, instead of
  closer to it, doesn't it?

  I agree from personal experience. My foreign language congregation counseled a sister who wanted to
  join us. She knew the language and wanted to help the congregation grow. She attended all the meetings
  and went out in field service with the congregation. She was separated from a wife-beater who belonged to
  the congregation where her records were.

  My fellow elders just got into the legalistic end of helping her. They recommended that she must stay in
  the old cong. because that was the only chance she had at reconciliation. She shuddered at the thought.
  The elders who spoke with her said they had nothing else to say, they wouldn't even try to listen to her
  concerns because she was in a different cong. "Go to YOUR elders (in another cong.) for help."

  I told her differently. I was fast approaching my decision to resign, and I decided to give the type of counsel
  in every case that I felt I should give. I said, "Your husband, is there any chance at reconciliation?" NO
  "Does he regularly attend meetings at that congregation?" NO "Go to the elders there, tell them the name and
  address of our secretary, have them forward your publisher cards. Once we receive them, we are stuck with you.
  You will force us to let you join." She did, she joined. My point was that the brothers didn't even want to hear
  her story. Clearly she was distraught about even going where he used to go.

  That's one of many cases where legalism is applied. Not love and concern.
• 

  LongHairGal

  Jeff:

  I also noticed they tried so hard to bring people in while there were people leaving out the back door who they should technically try to "save".

  They don't try to "save" everybody who leaves. Some are more valuable to them than others. Whether this has to do with your personality and/or how much they can exploit from you in a material sense I can't say exactly. But it definitely has something to do with this.

  LHG
• 

  hillbilly

  In my case a simple apology would have "saved" me at on point in time. A BOE and Circuit overseer had decided to cut bait and I was the goat. After time, the true skunk in the woodpile became apparent.

  My reputation had been damaged (libeled actually). During a discussion with an elder he asked what I would take to get me back to speed. I told him a written apology from the BOE would get it done... discipline of the elders would be asking for the stars...just an apolgy. He told me that that would be impossible, as forgivness was mine to give. The point was I was willing to forgive but wanted the collusion to stop.

  They can't save anybody. When you leave or slow down it's always your fault.

  ~Hill
• 

  Emma

  No one tried to help or encourage me, not even my own mom and sisters. I found out that they were having conversations with the elders in my cong and the elders told them how much they'd try to help us and we refused! So they knew there were "problems" but never came to me with love to find out what. I knew the elders lied, but was shocked to hear how much they were lying bastards. My own family never asked what might be wrong; they told me that I needed to return to the cong and confess my wrong doing because they believed that was the only reason I'd stay away!!!!! I was completely innocent, hadn't done a thing.

  I'm glad they didn't try; they made it so much easier for me! The shunning made my course of action so much easier! If they only knew it had the opposite effect of what they wanted.
• 

  garybuss

  I haven't seen Witnesses elders try to save someone. Maybe it's happened. The elders I know see the baptism as a contract for a debt and they see the person as a file. When the elders call, it's more in the spirit of collecting on the unpaid debt than trying to save a person.
  
  The file is a problem for the elders and they have to account for it. Often the elder's goal is to reconcile the file as we saw in the purge of January, February, and March of 2003.
  
  Many elders I know serve out of strange combination of egotism and fear. Some are indifferent and some are zealous, but all know how to watch their backs. Many are lazy and their whole facade is an act. Confrontations can easily backfire on them. They know this.
  
  The normal is for the elders to take the easy road. What they teach about the behaviors is very different from the actual behaviors. I was surprised when I learned this first hand by my own experiments.
  
  
  
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  bluebell

  I often wondered the same thing - when I was a dub I had straight down the line friends as far as the truth was concerned, knowing that they would have nothing to do with me if I stopped was what kept me in as long as I did. I got very depressed as I was molested by by dub elder father. I used to ask the elders for shepherding calls. I asked for a study. I always had to ask.

  Then when I eventually confronted myself and stopped going, they didn't notice for about 3 months and when I said I wasn't going to another meeting that was the end of the chat. They said ok and left a few minutes later.

  6-9 months after I stopped my grandma died. I looked after her most next to mom. I was very close to her, sat next to her at the meetings and shouted the scriptures at her when she didn't hear , helped her stand up and sit down, and got embarresed at her "whispers" (she was mostly deaf) "THAT BROTHER ISN'T A VERY GOOD SPEAKER IS HE?" "THAT LITTLE GIRL HAS NITTS, DONT GO NEAR HER YOU'LL GET THEM TOO" "SHES WEARING A THIN TOP, LOOK YOU CAN SEE HER BRA AND THATS SEE THROUGH TOO" lmao.

  Not one dub rang to see if I was ok. Thats what sealed it for me, they never cared and never would. They have no love.

  I haven't heard from anyone since even though my mom (bless her ) tells every elder she meets from my territory to visit me! I found out she's spoken to loads over the last 3 years and I told her not to worry, I was obviously too much hassle! She had to agree that they didn't seem to care and has stopped (I think/hope). I told her it would take a miracle to get me back to meetings.

  I was never been so happy since I left, I now have sincere friends and a wonderful husband.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I once asked a pharisee why he was not interested in 'snatching me out of the fire', since he believed I was on a pathway that might take me out of the organization. [That is interesting in retrospect - since I had no intention of leaving at that point - just in trying to correct the obvious lack of love among the 'brotherhood' I was seeing.]

  His answer was 'that scripture does not apply in this instance.' He did not further explain.

  Oh well. Likely he couldn't have explained his way to the bathroom. Idiots. [In my best Debra Barone voice.]

  Jeff