Why did they not try to 'Save' me?

by AK - Jeff 46 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  AK - Jeff

  I have pondered this question on many occasions. Perhaps others have too.

  When I began to have 'doubts' and began to 'question' some doctrine, and particularly the lack of Christian Love, very little effort was made to 'snatch me out of the fire' as elders are admonished to do.

  I have always wondered why we as Jw's would spend countless hours trying to start Bible studies with 'wordly' people, while at the same time ignoring those who are moving away from dead center of the organization.

  Not that I am complaining, thank you very much. For this additional lack of love further fueled my growing desire to find out the 'truth about the Truth'. But is seems so counter-productive to miss the opportunity that they have to hold onto members already brainwashed.

  I know that the general lack of love is general. In some places it may differ.

  Please share your experience in this regard - both good and bad - to aid those lurkers and current Jw's to see that the shortage of love they see personally is not an anomaly - but the standard.

  Jeff
• 

  justsomedude

  Sometime last year I think they just stopped trying to bring me back into the fold. I got a visit this year about going to the memorial, but it was a mistake. I knew the tract peddler, but they just forgot that I lived there.

  Personally I am thankful that they really dont care that much, anything that makes it easier for me to get away is fine with me. Once I realized that it wasnt true, their concern or lack thereof didnt matter at all. I just want to be left alone and I think they know that.

  Edit: I'm not sure if that is exactly what you were looking for, but in case its not let me go a step farther.

  I did get a visit last year where an elder and another friend stopped by to try and get me back to the meetings. I know that they were sincere as the friend actually cried when he realized that I just wasn't coming back. Yup thats right, a grown man crying in my living room.. These were the brothers that I was closest to in my congregation and I have no reason to doubt that they really wanted to help me (help as they saw it that is).

  When my stance became clear though, it really became a situation of "If youre not with us, youre against us" and I havent heard a peep since.

  One of these men was like a father to me and the other like a brother. It hurts me that their love can be switched off like a light over a difference of opinion, but I realized long before their visit that I had done the same things myself to some of the best friends I'd ever had and I feel awful everytime I think about it.

  JWs are loyal to the idea that they are 100% right first and foremost. If you start to question that idea, you will find yourself in a very cold and lonely space.
• 

  Nosferatu

  I got the same thing. In the months before I left, I would be at the back of the KH with nobody to talk to. The occasional elder would come up to me:

  Hi Nos!
  Hello
  How are you?
  I'm good
  That's good! (walks away)

  It seems the more "spiritual" you are, the more people will be around you. If you're struggling, you're left at the side of the road to die. JWs aren't good Samaritans.

  It was interesting when I'd get the same lines when I missed a meeting "We missed you on Thursday" but that was if anybody noticed. The genuinely nice JWs would notice, but the rest wouldn't. I also notice that the genuinely nice JWs aren't very "spiritual" either.

  I had an outcast friend who was in his 60s. Nobody ever saw him go door to door, so nobody talked to him. I did. I also attended his funeral which was a disgrace. Lots of people gathered there who didn't talk to him.
• 

  BizzyBee

  Prolly they know that a really determined apostate cannot be 'saved.'

  Efforts to recover 'lost sheep' seems to primarily consist of

  1. Soft intimidation and guilting
  2. Soft threats
  3. Soft scare tactics

  Escalating to

  1. Hard intimidation and guilting
  2. Hard threats
  3. Hard scare tactics

  Culminating in the harshest tactic of all

  Disfellowshipping!

  Fortunately, they never really give future apostates what they really want and need - to be able to ask questions and get intelligent answers. Of course, we know why - they don't have answers.
• 

  willyloman

  Jeff,

  My theory is that a lot dubs have a vague sensation somewhere deep down inside that they might be wrong about the whole thing. If some publisher needs admonishing, they'll get right on that... because the elders hold the power in that equation. But isn't it always someone they view as "weak?" When they are confronted with someone they always viewed as "strong," they are unsettled. Why? Because they already know why you aren't doing what you're "supposed" to be doing. And they don't want to go there.
• 

  RULES & REGULATIONS

  AK-Jeff

  I will only speak of my case. The Elders only show up at my house or call on the phone when the C.O. and P.O. are in town. I was told by the biggest jerk of an Elder that the congregation loves me and that they would like too see me at more meetings. He is only kissing the P.O. and C.O. ass. I'll tell you about this Elder and show you the love he has for me.

  He will shake members hands and as soon as I approach,he will pretend to not see me and turn around. When I was talking to a brother from out of town,he walked up to him and pulled him away and started talking to him without excusing himself. He once lifted my service bag to see if I was carrying all the books since I'm so weak in the faith. All he cares about is the position he holds in the congregation. I've seen brothers leave and attend other congregations because of him.

  The congregation was looking for the 800 lb. gorilla for laying down all the rules and regulations in the congrgation. They sure got it. Four Elders have been demoted because of him. Now,he is Top Gun.

  The Elders do things not for the love of the congregation but the love of the position.
• 

  Dagney

  My theory is that a lot dubs have a vague sensation somewhere deep down inside that they might be wrong about the whole thing. If some publisher needs admonishing, they'll get right on that... because the elders hold the power in that equation. But isn't it always someone they view as "weak?" When they are confronted with someone they always viewed as "strong," they are unsettled. Why? Because they already know why you aren't doing what you're "supposed" to be doing. And they don't want to go there.

  That's what I think also.

  At first I was nervous; I expected that doorstep confrontation "Do you believe the WTBS is Jehovah's sole channel" thing to happen at anytime. I was working on my strategy as to what to say to slide around an answer.

  They never came. I think I had two calls.

  Now it is almost 6 years, and nobody asks anything. Only one asked if I was going to the memorial. I am grateful I have been left alone...it allowed me to sort through my emotions and gave me the time to feel confident of my decision.

  But it is still curious to me...I mean...it was my whole life, 40 + years.
• 

  Warlock

  He will shake members hands and as soon as I approach,he will pretend to not see me and turn around. When I was talking to a brother from out of town,he walked up to him and pulled him away and started talking to him without excusing himself. He once lifted my service bag to see if I was carrying all the books since I'm so weak in the faith. All he cares about is the position he holds in the congregation. I've seen brothers leave and attend other congregations because of him.

  What an ass!

  Warlock
• 

  Abandoned

  They didn't try to save you because it would have looked completely silly for the people struggling to keep their heads above water to throw a life preserver to you, on dry ground.
• 

  Confession

  Another "ditto" to Willy's comment. For most people, you just can't shake something this weighty...

  A brother who is regarded as intelligent--and was always zealous--no longer recognizes it as The Truth. A JW can read all the WTS descriptions of "apostates" and "half-truths" and "proceeding according to their own desires" that he wants. He can continue to search for his own reasons for why this has happened. But your example stands as a powerful, real-world testimony--amidst his own personal doubts--that something is rotten in Brooklyn.

  When I was reinstated, after a ten month disfellowshipping, it was positively shocking how no one (even elders) called me. They'd speak to me happily at the Kingdom Hall, but preferred to avoid me. I don't say this to condemn them. Just to explain why I think it's fear that prevents them from 'snatching someone from the fire.'